I had decided to not watch the Jazz/Celtics game tonight. I knew that there was no way that the Jazz could win.  But I switched back and forth and when they actually made a game of it I hung around hoping that I was wrong.  In the end the Celtics did win and even though a call or two should have gone the other way (in my humble opinion) the better team did win.   I did feel a little down with that outcome, but after seeing so many games over so many years I find it easier and easier not to get upset about a lose when I wanted a win.  (I say that now, but when BYU loses .......)  I do try to figure out why I care.  Sometimes I watch to see a team lose (like the Miami Heat) and I can feel just as bad when they win.  But that too is silly because I don't have anything to do with that either.  This whole business of being a fan is really overblown.  It just doesn't matter.  So if it really doesn't matter why does it raise my heart rate and actually change how I feel?  What is it that really goes on when I watch some game and actually care how it will end?  I have tried to evaluate this whole concept of competitiveness that is so prevalent in our culture.  Usually it is held out as something good.  Maybe it is.  And maybe it isn't.  I guess it depends of other related factors. I do remember times in my life when I lost my temper and really did some stupid things that I am embarrassed to think about.  It is not easy to completely rise above those kinds of things.  We can have fun with it and think that it is not a problem, but I wonder if just feeling a little badly when things don't go my way is not acceptable.  Just how much should it matter to me if 'my' team wins or loses?  I really have so many things that are far more important going on in my life so is it still okay to just enjoy this or should I completely leave it for something better?  And what is better? And can I completely leave it? I certainly have changed over the years in this regard.  How should I be and how will I be in another 5 or 10 years?  Any ideas?