My intent was to give some ideas to Elder Porter that would help him  understand why people are not willing to listen to him and his 'army' about the restored gospel of Jesus Christ.  I ended up writing lots of stuff that has been floating around in my own head and I have put them to paper (?) in a good way that has caused me to just keep going in my own pondering process.  Trying to understand others is a good thing, but the best result is to be able to better understand yourself.  After all, we are only actually living that one life in the midst of all of the others doing the same.  I guess that if things are perfect for us then we might go on trying to 'bless' others, but I find that my energy is best spent concentrating on me.  That seems a full time endeavor.  But I do find benefit in my observations of others especially when I then turn them to myself and use them to help me deal with my own 'stewardship'.  Pride, selfishness and idleness  hmm.  How am I doing?  Just this past couple of days I have been wondering about my own work ethic.  I have found myself with some free time and I haven't used it as well as I could have.  I am taking myself to task in that and have started to make some improvement.  I'll let you know how this new project works out.

In my 'letter to Nick' yesterday I attributed the characteristics of 'pride, selfishness and laziness' to those not 'striving for Zion'.  This morning in my pondering I have continued to examine that idea and have some additional thoughts.  It seems that there is something more to be considered as many 'evil' ones work very hard at their craft and many 'without law' do as well.  We all only have the same 24 hours in a day to use for good or bad and it becomes difficult to evaluate this complex idea by the number of hours one puts in or compare hard physical labor with mental labor or creative or artistic endeavors.  Besides, not being able to look into the heart and mind makes it impossible to assess one's motives which is the real issue.  Also, we believe in recreation and contemplation as much, or more, then some others, so more needs to said about the opening blanket statement.  D & C 58 says that one 'should be anxiously engaged in a good cause' and in ' 'righteousness'.  So even working really, really hard for pride and selfish interests isn't the answer.  One might quip that working less for a righteous cause is better then working more for an unrighteous one.  The 'why' rather then the 'what' then becomes the focus or the answer to the question.  Everything in D & C 4 can and should fall into the righteous catagory.  But what about the 'worldly' tasks that absolutely need doing?  How can they be handled so they at least don't distract from our righteous desires?

This entry is an answer to a letter I received yesterday from Elder Porter, but it is also an opportunity for me to articulate what I have been thinking lately.  I hope there is something of worth for others.  Nick expressed his frustration in finding that most of the people that he meets are not exactly receptive to the message that he has come to know and love.  He understands agency, but that doesn't really explain it.  I have considered the same question since my own mission and have a few thoughts that I have recently been able to organize.  I refer to what has become my favorite scripture:  D & C 4.   I have found that it contains the answer to almost everything.  My idea is that people chose pride and selfishness over the gospel or are lazy in keeping the commandments, and that is the major reason for the opposition here in mortality.  D & C 4: 5 reads 'faith (in the Lord Jesus Christ) hope (in the atonement of Jesus Christ) charity (the pure love of/for Jesus Christ) and love (for God and our fellowmen) with an eye single to the glory of God'.  Note that each of those ideals are 'outward'  supporting the idea of a 'broken heart and a contrite spirit' (meekness) which are required of us.  To turn 'inward' is the opposite of what we are commanded to do.  In verse 6 you can define those 10 character traits as positive and 'outward' as well with their opposites representing selfishness and pride and idleness.  It is a list to be pursued regardless of the fact that it will take a lifetime plus to acquire them.  Verse 7 describes for me a life of communion with God during our journey to return home, while the opposite would describe being lost, lonely and wandering in darkness.  We are all free to chose our path and looking outward and to our Heavenly Father is obviously the correct choice.  Most seem to chose otherwise.  BUT I must add that the knowledge or truths that I have described are not in the minds and hearts of most of the people that Elder Porter meets.  Most are wandering without that 'hope' or the understanding of the love of God or even the knowledge of who they really are.  This is a very limited formula to judge individual people.  Sure, some we encounter have understood and turned away from those truths, but most are still looking.  That is why Nick is where he is right now.  It is for you, Elder Porter, (and the rest of us too) to truly live according to the formula taught in D & C 4 so that when the Lord desires to use us to reach out to another of his children looking for Him we will qualify to be worthy to be used in such a cause.  We know that most of our 'family' will ultimately chose a lesser blessing then the one that we are pursuing.  That is their right, but we want more for them and us.  And we have to live as though all of us will 'find the treasure' so that all will have that opportunity through us.  Verse 5, 6 and 7 need to be our guide that will finally cause us 'to be like him, for we shall (return home) and see him as he is'.

It's now Monday morning so I guess that I took the day off yesterday.  It sure wasn't because I was resting.  But it was a really good day full of good Sunday stuff and especially good family stuff.  I was up and off to choir and we actually had a number of folks there as we starteed to prepare for Christmas (!).  After the blocK I spent most of the time preparing my part for our lesson in FHE.  It was simple, but I believe that it worked and added to a really nice evening of chaos and soup.  The kids were are in typical form and really taking advantage of the opportunity to be together.  I know that when I take the time to think about it I realize what a really terrific thing it is to have it that way.  I didn't as a kid and my kids only slightly more.  But this group of family really has a great opportunity to appreciate the idea of family in a much better way.  They really seem to flourish and I can stand the noise once a month (or more when needed).  Thinking of family, yesterday when I bore my testimony (about continue vs. endure and unwearingness!) I mentioned to start how the boundary of family has started to blur for me.  I have such positive feelings for so many in our ward.  They really do play a role in my life, and even more, they make me want to have a positive infuence in theirs's.  (haven't figure out how to do that yet, though)

Our Friday was pretty much dedicated to attending the state high school volleyball tournament so we could watch Cortney and her team compete.  It worked out quite nicely that I could leave the office.  And we decided to take advantage of the logistics and stop in American Fork and have a big lunch at the Rodizio Grill.  The rest of the night was all volleyball and we didn't get back home until after 10.  It was a real thrill for me and for grandma to watch the matches.  Cortney was the reason that we went and we were proud (in the good way) to be there with her.  Her team won the first match which was pretty close, but nothing like the second match which they lost in the fifth set 18-16!  I felt badly for them, but then that is the nature of sport here on this earth.  These earthly contest have a winner, and they have a loser.  But being a loser is not what some make it out to be.  Imagine playing almost two hours and the least margin of victory (18-16) determines the outcome.  But it can never really determine real winners.  They are defined by their participation and there progress and their heart.  In 'real' life there is more then wins and loses which go into becoming champions and winners.  They will compete again today and have more opportunity to compete with others against themselves in their effort to become better,  better athletes, better teammates, and better people, especially better people.  And as an unbiased grumpa I note that my granddaughter is a real winner at all of those.

It is so easy for me to think that I am a solitary man pretty much living a solitary life.  I know that that isn't true, because I am very much married (in the most positive way). But because the 2 of us live day in and day out mostly by ourselves it can seem solitary.  BUT, then if I really think I know that that is not true.  Even when I don't see 'them' 'they' are always on my mind.  And my daily and almost constant perusal of my 'social media' connects me in a very real way.  Right now I am aware of Colton's surgery this morning.  I read AmandaRae' entry on Facebook.  I am planning on attending at least one (maybe both) of Cortney's state volleyball matches tonight and my mind re-sees Brooklyn's pictures from yesterday.  In any day I see my Grumpa wall and smile inside and out when I see those pictures.  My memories of Disneyland are fresh and poignant and one of my daily motivations is to prepare work for Richard and Sharon (among others).  So I am certainly NOT a solitary man!  I was crazy to think so.  From Nicholas (Elder) to Jonah and all thirty hundred in between, from Sherri to Shauni and all in between I am not solitary.  WE are not solitary.  And as Shelli wrote recently we struggle finding and living all that we would like to live in that context.  We can't do it all.  Life is not designed that way.  So we struggle and fumble along a day at a time hoping that all will know due to their own experience that we, like them, just do the best that we can with the time that we have.   

It is a real change of pace from the frivolity of Halloween and our Disney pics on Shelli's blog, but my thought this morning is about my lesson of the day.  It came from my reading of 2 Nephi 2: 4 and a short phrase of 'salvation is free'.  I have been pondering the meaning of it for a few days and this morning I was struck with what I believe is the meaning of the word 'salvation' in this context.  Being fallen mortals and being separated from Heavenly Father physically and spiritually with no hope of a remedy of our own we are absolutely helpless to change our situation. But through the Atonement we are raised to a position where our condition is overcome and our own agency becomes the means of our progression and our judgement. Couldn't do it by ourselves, but 'now' we are agents unto ourselves and free to choose.  Also, think of the dead who cannot do that without our aid.  Even Christ cannot bring salvation to them without our assistance.  Kind of makes temple work a greater responsibility and can only be done by us!