It is so easy for me to think that I am a solitary man pretty much living a solitary life.  I know that that isn't true, because I am very much married (in the most positive way). But because the 2 of us live day in and day out mostly by ourselves it can seem solitary.  BUT, then if I really think I know that that is not true.  Even when I don't see 'them' 'they' are always on my mind.  And my daily and almost constant perusal of my 'social media' connects me in a very real way.  Right now I am aware of Colton's surgery this morning.  I read AmandaRae' entry on Facebook.  I am planning on attending at least one (maybe both) of Cortney's state volleyball matches tonight and my mind re-sees Brooklyn's pictures from yesterday.  In any day I see my Grumpa wall and smile inside and out when I see those pictures.  My memories of Disneyland are fresh and poignant and one of my daily motivations is to prepare work for Richard and Sharon (among others).  So I am certainly NOT a solitary man!  I was crazy to think so.  From Nicholas (Elder) to Jonah and all thirty hundred in between, from Sherri to Shauni and all in between I am not solitary.  WE are not solitary.  And as Shelli wrote recently we struggle finding and living all that we would like to live in that context.  We can't do it all.  Life is not designed that way.  So we struggle and fumble along a day at a time hoping that all will know due to their own experience that we, like them, just do the best that we can with the time that we have.   

It is a real change of pace from the frivolity of Halloween and our Disney pics on Shelli's blog, but my thought this morning is about my lesson of the day.  It came from my reading of 2 Nephi 2: 4 and a short phrase of 'salvation is free'.  I have been pondering the meaning of it for a few days and this morning I was struck with what I believe is the meaning of the word 'salvation' in this context.  Being fallen mortals and being separated from Heavenly Father physically and spiritually with no hope of a remedy of our own we are absolutely helpless to change our situation. But through the Atonement we are raised to a position where our condition is overcome and our own agency becomes the means of our progression and our judgement. Couldn't do it by ourselves, but 'now' we are agents unto ourselves and free to choose.  Also, think of the dead who cannot do that without our aid.  Even Christ cannot bring salvation to them without our assistance.  Kind of makes temple work a greater responsibility and can only be done by us!  

One of my favorite scriptures is Alma 29.  It starts out: 'O that I were an angel' and ends up being a lesson for me (and each of us) on the subject of humility and acceptance.  I continue to reread it often and ponder on what 'the Lord hath allotted unto me'.  I have gained much so far, but I know that I need to find more understanding from its message.  It is so easy to lose appreciation for our blessings and wonder about how much more we might have 'if' this or 'if' that.  Understanding exactly what we do  have and what we really are isn't as easy as I would like it  to be.  I know that I have aged a lot: I hope that I have also grown a lot as well.  I begin each new day here by trying to record as well as give something positive by what I write.  Sometimes I have an idea of what I will write long before I sit down, and sometimes the words just come as I begin.  I really don't know if there is much merit to it but I do enjoy the occasional comment from any of my '6' followers! Today is Halloween.  I guess today would be a good day to dress up as an 'angel', but maybe I ought to just try to act like one somehow in what I will do in this next 24 hours. 

I had nearly my whole page written when I noticed some of the birthday pieces stuck in a keyboard key.  I fiddled to remove them and noticed that it was the 'delete' key just as it deleted what I had done!  What I wrote was really good.  Questions about our time and what is going on throughout the world and what part the Lord is playing in it all.  I admitted my inability to grasp it all and the effect on my heart when I realize that all of this is happening to my 'family'.  Just my immediate family has enough drama to overwhelm me let alone those on the East coast and in other places in the world.  It makes you want to close it all out, but Sheila and I decided a long time ago to not do that.  Let it hurt when it hurts so that it can rejoice too.  It will be worth it in the long run, and yes, quite painful in the short run!  

Loved reliving my birthday in Disneyland with family.  Look forward to living with you-all as that happens in coming days.  Until then always remember that today is also a part of our eternity!

There is this thing about life that slowly dawns on you and as you come to accept it there also comes along times when you realize the powerful impact of it.  I am thinking of the reality of our limited power.  There is so much that we just cannot do.  We live with it all of our lives and so it is natural.  We accept it and plan accordingly.  

Then comes a day or an hour when you understand all that you are missing because you 'had' to do something else and you realize just how powerless you are.  Time, place and circumstance isn't really an enemy, but it sure helps shape your life.  Case in point:  Saturday Shelli and Phil are here for a while so Hunter can interview 2 'old folks'.  The BYU pre-game is on and Phil sees Elder Porter live and in color from Atlanta.  But options about what you want to do and what you can do are dictated by circumstance.  'Nick' doesn't have his cell phone.  So you call who you can and they are able to see him too.  Then Sunday requires a split of grandparents to do what needs doing.  She deserves what she does and I do what I have to do.  Finally, this morning and yesterday, I surf and see the pictures and events of family that make me year for a time when time, place and circumstance don't have such power over me.  Think about it!

So Sheila reads my last entry about my comfort zone and asks me if I really want to test my comfort zone and go outside in the yard and do some yard work with her.  I am taken aback and question why I wrote such a thing in the first place.  But it works on me and after the BYU football is over I actually decide to at least go outside (hoping that she is finished).  I come up stairs and I see her out back with Pete so I wait a bit after Pete has gone and I go outside looking for her.  I find the garbage can she has been using but she isn't there so I come back inside and find her sitting on a stool in the kitchen with her back to me.  When she turns around she is crying and she tells me that she had fallen.  My worst fears are quickly alleviated when she explains that she had tried to stuff leaves into that garbage can and it rocked back onto its wheels and tipped over taking her with it.  She fell onto it and then onto the driveway hitting her right ear and side of her head.  She hurts, but didn't break anything, but I am still gentle and concerned while trying to help her see the humor in it all.  She also hit her knee, but her ear and jaw hurt the most and the longest.  That was yesterday and she has pretty much recovered, but I never like it when my 'cobber' hurts and especially when I do something stupid to cause her to hurt.  I can't stand it when she cries.  Thankfully her tears didn't last long.  In fact, it is pretty much forgotten now that Saturday and now Sunday have come and gone.  Weekend's over & now to work...

This idea of a 'comfort zone', is it a good thing or a bad thing?  My first thought is that 'comfort' can't be bad, but then the very cliche was coined to define a state of mind (or body) that actually confines us or restricts us from venturing outside to something that might be just as 'comforting' or even better for us.  I started to see that my 'narrowing of focus' over many years might just be limiting me as much as it is helping me.  Do I need to be ready for something outside the zone, or should I look at ways to broaden my perspective?  I didn't see this at all over the past decades.  I didn't have the time.  And as I was able to 'narrow my focus' it seemed like a real good idea.  In fact, I know that it was a real good idea to mature in my goals and my dreams.  But maybe now is a time for readjustment.  After all,  if I have been 'praying' to know His will for me all of these years had I not better be ready to know it if it is something outside of my 'comfort zone'?  Just thinking that way makes me feel a bit uncomfortable.  Perhaps that is a sign.    Maybe I am just thinking randomly, but perhaps I am feeling some kind of a premonition.  What might the future hold for me (us)?