Funny that I would run into Shelli's comment right now.  I have been sitting here watching a ball game and thinking that I have let things pile up on me and I wondered  if I would just write something defeatist and negative just to get it done and counted.  But reading Shelli's comment gave me a jolt and a positive boast.  Thank you.

Now as to an answer.  I am as challenged as anyone in what you might call human inertia.  I don't consider myself as super motivated, but there are a couple of things that I do that I find that many others don't seem to be able to do.  One is journal writing.  That has become such a part of me that I do it almost automatically even though there are times when it does take extra effort.  My PUSH UPS are a relative new habit that came to me in what I believe was inspiration during the month of December in 2007. I wanted to do something in addition to the exercise routine that I had worked on and improved since 02/02/02 and the idea of doing push ups came to me.  I knew that I needed to enhance the deal with something that I could relate to my effort to progress spiritually.  So I thought long and hard to find prayer-understand the day-be serious-ask for help-utilize all available assets-prayer (again) and sleep (that spells P U S H  U P S)  I decided on the progression of 1 each morning and each night and increasing by 1 each successive month.  So now here I am with tonight being my last of 39 and tomorrow morning I start doing 40. Actually my routine now includes my journal writing which has now evolved to this blog (thanks to Nicholas) reading a chapter or section from the standard works which as of last year is now morning and night.  Of course prayer morning and evening by myself and every evening with Sheila (except when she is away being a mother or grandmother).  ( I also have tried to enhance my personal prayer by doing it out loud.)  I know that I could drop off or forget but I would be letting all of you down if I did that.  If you could say that I 'buy' my motivation I  'buy' it from you and for you (all of you). What any one of us wants cannot be separated from what all of us want.   I can't lay claim to doing everything that I would like to do to be more and better, but there are a few things that I simple have to do in order to be able to tolerate living with myself.  And I hope that my persistence will continue to be answered with blessing.  I wish the same for each of you.

I have tried to keep busy today.  I felt real good about my personal early morning devotional because I was taught something new to me.  I wrote down the four words:  conversation, connection, communication and communion.  That was a revelation to me and I know that it doesn't look like much, but give me some time and I hope to develop the ideas into something special. 

Our day ended on a good note when the home teachers came just after 7 tonight.  Dave Haymond and his wife Lisa came and we visited for just over 2 hours.  We almost always have a good gospel discussion and it is quite uplifting.  I guess that there is nothing that I enjoy talking about more then the gospel, and Dave and Lisa are real good listeners and talkers. We feel free to talk about our personal and family concerns and they understand us and our family better then anyone else.  (except for family they are the only ones that we talk that way with)
But talking that way for that long is a very exhausting thing.  I usually watch some TV or do a little work in the office.  But not tonight.  I relaxed 'down' for a few minutes and then I got to this so I can finish and go to bed.  I have my work cut out for me tomorrow so I will need new energy.  I am even too tired to think about how I will orchestrate tomorrow.  I'll leave that for morning too.  I figure that I will think a lot about family tonight and in my early morning devotional..  I said that we talked about the gospel tonight, but after all isn't family and the gospel pretty much the same thing?  So my thoughts are stirred up on that duel subject. 

I am really looking forward to Sunday night and the family being here.  I already feel badly over those who won't be here and I don't even know who that is ( or isn't).  I would love it if everyone would come, but I do realize the reality of things and I will take what we get.  Please, if you can make it, do come and be with us this Sunday night.

This is a hard thing to do.  Every night I end my time in my office by getting into my blog and I write something.  Somehow it seems different then when I wrote in my notebook by hand.  I'm not sure which entry is longer but at least all of you can actually read it when I type it.  My typos are getting fewer and fewer because my skill in typing is growing.  That is of some consolation. But the actual task of thinking of something clever to write is the hard part.  I look at my days and they are usually so boring that they don't give me much of an idea.  And when something interesting happens with my work I quickly see it as having little interest to you all.  But somehow I keep on typing away.And sometimes I actually end up with something that I find interesting or thoughtful.  The comments that I get from you, though rare, show that things mean different things to different  people.  I see that you interpret words differently then I do and it surprises me when I see how they mean something different to you.  But that is good.  It keeps me alert and trying to be as precise as I can be.  But even then there will time when I just don't clearly communicate my thought so that you know exactly what I meant.  Such is life.

Your mom and I do worry about all of you.  We know that you have your struggles and your joys. As much as my fantasy world would get rid of all of your trials, in our real world I know that that is not possible or right.  We all just have to face the individual path that is before us.  And the truth of it is that most of us probably wouldn't chose someone else's troubles if we could.  As for me, well, my life isn't perfect, but my blessings are just that. (blessings) and I wouldn't trade them for anything except what they can be when I get to a better place in my life.  What I mean is that my future will be better then my present and I am anxious for those times short term and long term.  But I am happy to see it come to me one day at a time.  More then that I probably couldn't handle anyway. 

Each day has its own personality.  I mean that each day is unique and has its own feel.  My 'u' in push ups represents the idea 'understand the day'.  So a Monday is certainly different then a Sunday and even different then a Tuesday.  And it is important to realize what day it is and just what it offers you in the larger scheme of things.  Of course the way you live the day makes it different as well.  I don't feel real pleased with the way I 'did' this Monday.  I sat here too long just watching TV and I kept thinking that the Jazz would come back and beat the wimpy Wizards.  Maybe they did if miracles still happen, but I lost my enthusiasm for the game when they fell behind by 7 in overtime.  So basically I dulled myself into doing nothing the last third of the day, and left it all on tomorrow to redeem myself and become productive.  That's not totally true because the first part of the day I was productive even quite productive.  As I think about it I actually got the 1st draft of our income taxes done so that counts for a lot.  I put that off for a while and it does feel good to have it ready to finalize.  It wasn't quite as good as I wanted it to be, but it was pretty good.  I also did have a pretty good day earning-wise and hopefully tomorrow and the rest of the week will be more of the same.

Sheila told me that Sherri told her that Nicholas had decided to attend Southern Virginia University.  I kind of figured that he would.  I believe that it will be a good fit for him, and it will help him in his academic pursuits as well as help prepare him for his mission.  Sherri and Russ will know what it is like to have one of the kids leave home.  And he is really going a long way off.  But that's just part of the deal.  We lived through it all 8 times, and now we get to go through it again once removed.  I guess that's all part of 'understanding the day' too.  Life comes at us in stages and each new 'day' is a new stage, and each stage has its perks and it heartaches.  And like I have said and written many times before:  I haven't had a perfect day yet.  I'm still fumbling forward.  And most of the time trying to do better. 

Around Tuesdays are unique because the alarm goes off and 4:00 a.m.  I'm glad its not for me and I get to go back to sleep.

All of a sudden I am back at the computer doing another entry.  A whole day has gone by since last night and it is as though I have no memory of it.  Of course that is not true because I do have memory of my Sunday, but I do see my days differently then I used to.  I do have a past and a future, but mostly I live in the present, the now, and I just take it as it comes.  I have said that the past is only valuable to learn from and the future is dependent on so many other things that our effort needs to be focused on the present, the here and now. I believe that that is why time seems to pass so much faster the older you get.  I've lived long enough and seen so many years go by that I never think 'oh, I can hardly wait until such and such, like Christmas or a birthday or until something particular happens'.  That kind of thinking naturally brings your focus to the present and away from the past and the future.  Of course I still think about the past because I have so much more of it then you do to think about.  And I do think and even dream about the future.  But it just doesn't come into play as much as it used to.  It is, well, it's the future and I figure to deal with it when it happens by becoming my present.  Maybe seeing life that way is for old folks, but maybe it is a good way to look at it too.  Decide for yourself.  If it helps, adopt it, if it doesn't help, forget it. 

I got up at 6:40 a.m.  Shower, shave., eat some breakfast, dress. do my 39, say my prayer and off to choir.
3 hour block, walk home alone and feed me again.  go home teaching  get back and make my wife proud of me by going to a stake priesthood meeting  got back home and had a lovely meal with my wife.  Found a dumb movie on which she watched 1/2 of until a cooking show came on.  then at 8 she did come back down and we watched a British world war 2 spy movie on TV.  got done with that and she pumped while I did this.
Now its past my bedtime  my Sunday is in the past and sleepy time will bring my future present Monday.

Night

I did have this image in my mind of what my day would be like.  But I have known for a long, long time that reality is rarely the way I picture it.  A very small example just occurred.  I had just turned off the TV and the copy machine machine and then I locked my office door and typed the first sentence.  'knock knock' at my door.  Charles (one of my guys) was there turning in his papers that I had given him this morning.  He said that he had a good day so I am curious enough to pause and see what he did for himse4lf and me. (He served 9 papers.)

As for my day I had things in mind and I actually did accomplish some of them.  Even though I personally did not go anywhere today my best friend did do some errands for  me and got the mail which changed what I had to do.  I don't normally get  much new work in the mail, but I was expecting some work from a new client in Provo and it was in the mail.  So I changed direction and got the new stuff processed for Monday along with the other stuff I had waiting.  I like it when I have my next day's work all ready and don't have to wail for stuff to come in in the morning for that day.  I got lucky at least twice last week because Richard brought in a good day's worth of work in the morning, but that usually doesn't happen.  So right now I am prepared for Monday to have a good start to the week and the 9 papers that Charles served today will only make it better. 

I also had this idea in mind that I wanted to work on my income taxes today.  With my change of plans I decided against that, but changed my mind again when I finished my office work and spent some time pondering my priesthood lesson and found the day not over.  So I did some preliminary gathering together of figures and hope to be able to finish up my first 'draft' of that come Monday.  Now at 8:16 my mind is totally turned to Sunday.  I want to do my retiring ritual and get to bed early as I won't have the luxury of sleeping easy and until 8 in the morning.  My desire is that I do my Sunday as well, if not better, as I did my
Saturday today.  Oh, by the way BYU Hawaii lost their championship game today by 3 points.  But for a 7 seed to end up # 2 is good.  And BYU's # 1 ranked rugby team did win their match 99-0! (true)  Night--

I just watched a BYU men's volleyball game.  Last night they swept Hawaii 3-0, but tonight it was a whole 'nuther ball game.  In fact, it ended 15-13 in the fifth set with BYU squeaking out the win. I let myself get drawn into the emotion of the match and it made it fun.  I really wanted 'my' team to win, but there were several times when I gave up hop0 and accepted that they might lose.  For me it was a relaxing way to spend my Friday night but I wonder if I would write that if they had lost.  Earlier we had gone out to dinner and it was delightful.  I really enjoyed the4 food and probably ate too much.  I tend to do that on the date night when we go out to eat.
It is about the only thing that we do for fun other then just hanging out in normal life together as friends, And as boring as our simple dinners out may seem to others we do enjoy that time together.

As I have written before Friday nights are special just because they are Friday nights.  I feel different because I don't have to get up for work and get busy in the office.  Having a Saturday without pressure of work is something that I really enjoy as well.  And since its really the only day in the week that I can do that it makes it even more special.  I look forward to spending time exercising my 'little gray cells' as POIROT would say.  And having a priesthood lesson to give on Sunday adds to that.  It is also a bit of a challenge because I am keen on not wasting my Saturday, so I have to find some place in between being productive and doing nothing.  (I believe that it is impossible to do nothing, so my nothing is doing something that looks like nothing.)  (No, I'm not exactly sure what that means either!)

There is so much out there in the way of pressure that one could really go crazy if it is left to itself.  You really have to manage it one way or another.  I'm not sure that the way that I manage it is the best, but I am still here trying to make it from one day to the next, so I must manage it some.  Either that or I am already crazy and just pretending to know what I am doing.  But I do have 3 things in my favor and they show that I am either just plain dumb lucky or that I have done something right along the way:  my Sheila, our family and the true Gospel of Jesus Christ.

When I got ready to work I went outside to get my paper and it wasn't here yet.  I worked in the office for a while and checked again, and still no paper.  I worked some more and when it still wasn't here I got online and chatted with someone named Julie who assured me that she could contact the manager over my region and I would get my paper 'asap'.  Well, Julie was right.  I would say that within the hour Sheila brought me down my paper in a plastic bag that said that they were sorry and I did not deserve to be treated that way.  So I read my newspaper and I found out that there was a ball game on that I wanted to see.  So I made my plan and got busy working for most of the day in anticipation of the ball game.  My work day had its successes and its failures.  Some things went alright and some things could have been better.  But I finally got to watch my game and I enjoyed seeing BYU win.   Now you think I am mistaken.  But BYU did win the volleyball match against Hawaii.  In fact, it was a sweep 3-0.  Oh, but you are thinking of the basketball game.  Right.  I saw that too.  And BYU won that too, and will be playing for the National Championship in the NCAA Tournament.  Huh!!
That was the Division II game and BYU Hawaii defeated the number one ranked and undefeated team to earn their way into the national championship game on Saturday.  So I am not crazy.  I wanted so much for Jimmer-mania to triumph, but alas, it did not happen.  I mourned for them and felt bad for myself, but then my life went on and the other games happened  and all of them and all of the others that I only saw parts of had a winner and a loser.  Who can keep up with it all.  And who can live or die over a game when they are as numerous as they are.  It all fits with my new favorite song.  You could listen to that too.  Just google "wore out" sung by Jake Hess.  I did it again and I'm listening to it right now as I continue writing. Its the one on YouTube and it is my new theme song.  I played it for Sheila today and she liked it too.  She said that is a good description of her too.  So I will close now and retire with that song echoing in my head.  At the end of this day and all of its games and matches and goings-on all I can say is that I am 'Wore Out'.

I guess that life is just like that.  What I mean is that so much stuff happens that you can never expect your day to just be 'normal' and even if it doesn't happen to you it happens to someone you know and love so it all affects you somehow.  I answered a call for Sheila just after 8 this morning.  It was Sharon who was having a problem with her car again and needed her mom's help in the afternoon.  Then near quitting time Richard called and said that he needed to go somewhere with Kathy because her nephew had had some kind of medical situation at school today.  Those 2 things meant that I was here by myself through dinner time and I won't have new work for tomorrow until tomorrow.  Its no big deal and I'm not complaining.  I'm just saying that stuff happens and it reaches out to you (me).  I know that both Sharon and Kathy's nephew are the ones having the difficulty.

I was able to get a lot of stuff done today so I felt pretty good about m y day.  I even took some time to do some reading in preparation for my lesson this coming Sunday.  Both of us will be teaching Sunday.  Sheila has her Sunbeams and I have my old men.

I did my hour sitting on my exercise ball tonight and I can certainly feel the effects.  Last night I did an hour on my bike.  I have not been quite as faithful with my hour of exertion recently.  I still do my 39 and 39, but lately I have just counted a very busy day and me being physically active throughout that very busy day as counting for my exercise.  But it felt good to work out last night and tonight it did too.  I know just how easy it is to let your body tone well being thing slide.  I try to be up and down in the office and move around even if it is only from my desk to the copy machine.  But it does help when I do that 40 to 60 times in a day.  And I also can say that my typing has improved greatly since the beginning of 2011 when I started doing my blog every night.  I may not type anything that is interesting, but at least I do it better and faster then I did when I started 82 days ago.

Oh yes, Shelli I did learn what you taught me.  I pushed the wrong button again tonight and got taken somewhere in cyberspace, but got right back where I needed to be in a flash.  Thank you.

It's already Tuesday the 22nd of March.  The speed of day and weeks is enough to give me a headache.  I can't keep up with it all.  I have so much that I need to give attention to, but not enough time to do it.  And then to make it worse I run out of energy.  It really takes effort to keep on moving day after day and week after week.  I'm trying to remember if it was easier or harder back when we had a house full of kids.  I guess that I ought not to even try to think about it.  I can't win either way.  So forget that I brought up the subject.

I had every intention of sleeping in this morning.  But my better side got me out of bed just before 7 a.m.  I worked in the office straight through until noon before I stopped to have my breakfast.  Then I felt like I had turned off a switch and I felt so tired.  But after I ate I got right back to work and I actually finished the work from last Friday long about 3 o'clock.  Now I can get to the pile 'secondary' work that fills up my desk.  I let it pile up as long as I have 'timely' work that needs my attention and when I get caught up on that I work on my pile.  Sometimes it goes pretty fast and sometimes it takes a long time to do.  But I figure that it will take up most of my time tomorrow to make a significant dent in it.  I remember times when I had less work to do and I could go and do my afternoon errands or sit and watch  tv. For the past couple of weeks I have relied on Sheilas to help me out in the afternoon or sometimes I would just skip some of my rounds because I needed to stay here and do stuff.  As much pressure as I feel with more work I guess that is is better then when all my pressure was because I didn't have enough work for me or my guys.  I find it hard to live in the future and hard to dwell on my past.  So I just try to take it as it comes and do the best that I can with what I have at the moment.  Look at the time, I have already stayed up past my bedtime!

I had forgotten what it sounds like to have little feet running all over upstairs.  Hunter, Chase and Logan are enjoying there last few hours of freedom here with grandma.  I just went up and Sheila told me that she gave them until 9 to be up and then they have to go to bed.  Shelli and Phil will be along sometime between 10 and 11 and pack them up and drive them home so that they will wake up in their own beds in the morning.  Shelli told me that she felt quite positive about the test that Colton had in Denver.  It went well but I will leave it to her to give a report to you all in her blog or over the phone.  It will be okay for us to wake up and be the only 2 in the house again.  But it is always nice to be grandparents because we have some very special grand children.  We had a family council this morning in my office with Hunter, Chase and Logan and their grandparents.  Grandma said a prayer for Colton and the trip home.  Then we put them to work so that they could earn their trip to the aquarium that grandma had promised them.  Sheilas told them that they had to stay there at least 2 hours to make it worth the money so they toughed it out and touched the sting rays and Logan got a penguin penny to remember his trip by.

Sheila told me that I ne4ed to explain why I call our dinner 'dead' chicken last night.  That was from Logan.  He said that the cooked chicken looked 'dead' just sitting there on the plate after it was broiled.  And as I said I did have left over 'dead' chicken for my lunch today. 

The best part of my day today was an hour that I spent with Sheilas listening to old country-gospel music on YOUTUBE.  I suggest that you google up J D SUMNER and listen to his songs.  One of the ones that we enjoyed was him and Elvis Presley doing a gospel song.  J D Sumner has the Guinness Book Of Records for the lowest vocal note ever sung.  I also really liked a song called TOO MUCH TO GAIN TO LOSE.  I liked the version sung by Jake Hess.  In fact, I am going to listed to that and maybe a few others before I go up and do my going to bed ritual.  I wonder if I'll be awake when Shelli and Phil come by for the 3 mooseketeers.

My Sunday is about over.  But I have one more moment that I want to take advantage of.  I am going to go upstairs and take a long time to end my day in the hopes of prolonging the 'rest' part of this day of rest.  I have tried to not do anything but doing nothing and doing a productive nothing are two different things.  I like it most when I can rest, relax and feel active in that rather then just doing nothing.  Can anyone possibly understand what I am talking about?  Right now its just Hunter, Chase and Logan upstairs and I'm downstairs typing this entry.  Sheila went to a stake relief society meeting but i don't figure that she will be gone too much longer.  (its now 8:11 p.m.)  I'm expecting Sharolyn to call and tell us that they got back home safely----8:13 and the phone call just came.

Nicholas was here when I got upstairs last night.  He spent the night, slept in and then came back for some lunch before he drove back home around 1-1:30.

Sheila had planned on the possibility of several more for dinner, but the West's left before dinnertime.  Cicily was invited but did not come.  So the aforementioned Rosbach boys and the two of us ate only part of one of the two 'dead' chickens that Sheila cooked.  Even though I thought I was tough I couldn't get them to eat any better then Shelli can.  In fact, I have to admit that she does it better then I did.  We are anxious to get good news about Colton's test tomorrow.  We will be playing Monday by ear as well because we have no idea as to just what the schedule will be.  And we will be eating a lot of left over 'dead' chicken.

I don't know if I will ever be totally satisfied with a day.  I keep telling myself that I have never had a perfect day.  And I really don't expect one in this life.  This human thing just isn't conducive to that.  Maybe others see it differently, but for me it is hardly possible.  That doesn't mean that the days are bad.  I usually see them as good or pretty good or on rare occasions even very good. But total satisfaction or a perfect day  nah.

That being said there was a lot about today that I was pleased with.  I made my way through several tasks that helped me prepare for Monday and at the same time I didn't overwork myself so as to enjoy my Saturday and what it had to offer.  One part of my day that I did enjoy was the BYU basketball game.  I did have doubts that they could win and it was a bit of a surprise but a lot of fun to see it happen. 

Our day has been quite complicated with visitors.  Our grand kids have been shuttled back and forth and are sleeping in other places tonight.  Right now we have Hunter, Chase and the twins plus 1.  Robert is supposed to get his when he gets off of work at 10.  And Nicholas asked me this morning if he could stay the night.  We haven 't seen him yet.  I was able to sleep in this morning.  It is really my only day for that.  Tomorrow is actually an early day.  I have to set my alarm to get me up to be ready to get to church by 8 for choir practice.  I probably wouldn't do it if it wasn't my calling.  But if Sheila can teach the Sunbeams I can get up early.  Then for my Sunday I will enjoy not thinking about work.  I will enjoy not being in the office.  And I will enjoy trying to make my Sunday a passable, good Sunday and not worry about Monday --Saturday.

Autumn asked me today why I always stay in the office.  I told her something about my work and that her dad works away from home and I work at home.  She said that she misses her dad when he's at work.  I guess she missed me too when I was at work in my office.  You know, I do spend a lot of time here.  I am not always working because it is my 'man cave' too.  I hope I am not leaving other stuff that ought to have my attention to be here and give my work my attention.  But right now my work is a pretty important part of my life.  I don't work all of the time, but I do put in a lot of time here.  It makes me think of my choice to do this.  It has been a good thing for the whole family for a lot of reasons.  At times it can be very demanding.  Yet it does also allow me freedom that most others don't have.  I have come to know that many others couldn't stand to work at home the way that I do.  Me, I can't understand why anyone would want to work outside of the home the way that most of 'them' do it.  Since the first of the year I have had an increase in my work, which has jumped even more this week.  And yesterday and today it has been crazy.  It makes me tired just thinking about all the work that is sitting on my desk waiting for me.  It is a dilemma.  I don't know the best way to use my Saturday.  Sunday is easy.  I made that decision a long, long time ago.  But Saturday is harder.  I don't have any hobbies except watching TV ( and BYU does have a game tomorrow) but I enjoy my work and it HAS to be done.  I have learned how to see what I do as service.  It is a service to my family.  It is a service to the fellows that work for me (family here too) and, of course, it is a service. (pun intended).  I do have dreams about a different life.  If this happened, or if that was possible I might be doing something different.  But in my real world this isn't a bad way to go.  Sometimes it does get a little boring, but then the dream jobs do too after 40 plus years. (I think.)  But Autumn's question has given me pause to study on the matter.

I have felt out of sync from the get-go today.  I rolled over expecting the clock to say something near 15 to or 7 am.  I was surprised to read '7:16 a.m.'.  I had to hurry because I was expecting Marv around 7:30 a.m.  So, I jumped out of bed and dressed in my sweat pants and a shirt and left my scripture chapter, my 39 push ups and my personal prayer until after I tended to Marv and got him off to work.  Then I went back upstairs and read a chapter in the New Testament.  I did my 39 p.u.s.h. u.p.s. and shad my prayer.  I worked straight through until  I broke for breakfast about 11.  Sheila helped me out by doing my morning errands and then she left around 1 to go to Sharon's and then to Richard and Kathy's place to pick up Amandarae, Aubree and Autumn.  She took them down to Thanksgiving Point to the dinosaur museum.  I traded off between some office work and watching tournament basketball.  There was one team that I wanted to lose because a certain expert on tv had picked them to go to the final four.  I fixed me some lunch and kinda just waited for the BYU game to come on after 5.  I had heard a lot of ''experts" pick Wofford of BYU  too.  I was surprised that I was so excited to watch the game and nervous that they might possibly not win.  Sheilas got home and fixed me dinner, but I couldn't eat yet.  I had my radio on and I also listed a lot to the tv commentators.  I was pleased that BYU did win, but my anxiety isn't over yet.  It just gets harder from here.

Richard got back sometime during the game and brought me a great (not a good), yes a great bunch of new work.  I had wondered if I would have anything for Marv to serve Friday morning.  Now I had work, but I didn't want to take the time to prepare it.  I just wanted to cal time out.  But it doesn't work that way, so I plodded along during time outs and then finished up after the game was over and I'm part way ready for morning.  But now sleeping in because he'll be here again near 7:30 a.m.  I'll be working on that paperwork for all of tomorrow and maybe even into Saturday.  But that is a good thing.  Maybe someday I'll even get paid for all of this new work.  That will be nice.  And I can probably work and watch a little basketball over the next couple of days too.  Then Saturday I hope it doesn't end for me and my team.
                                                             

Sheila reminded me that this week has been a bit like it was for so long so many years ago.  With our 3 house guests our scheduled has been impacted.  Even our sleep has been affected.  Last night one of our 'A' guests came and got into bed with us about midnight and when I woke up again later on I found that Sheila had been forced to find slumber on the front room couch.  Then our schedule included a trip to the park not only with our "3 'A'-migos" along with the other "3 'A'-migos" making a total of 6 'A'-migos down in Eagle Mountain.  Grandma social director also arranged an over-nighter for them at Richard & Kathy's which does give us a little break but tomorrow has been planned and re-planned from complicated to un-complicated.  Then on Friday they will be at Sharon's.  All in all it does make me remember that once upon a time we were running around trying to manage our 8 children with all of their activities.  This week has been a little bit like that, and will continue for another 4 days.  I had forgotten what it was like.  I can deal with a week or it, but please no more!

My day has been full of office work.  Then my night was full of basketball.  I am simply listening to the end of the Jazz game which they are actually going to win.  I enjoyed watching parts of the Miami game because they actually lost.  But I am looking forward to tomorrow night's game which churns my emotions because I really want the Y to play well and win. 

My week has been quite good.  2011 has been better then most of 2010 was. I hope that it will continue and we will be blessed in that way.  In not, I see many blessings that are certainly adequate.  One can't watch what has happened in Japan and not feel greatly blessed to have what we have.  I hope it is not considered selfish to hope for more, because I do.

I just finished watching a college Lacrosse match on BYU TV.  I sure don't understand that game as well as I would like.  But I don't see it very often so I guess I will never put in the time to know it well enough.  As my day comes to its end I feel pretty good.  It ended better then it started out.  Oh, it didn't start out badly or anything like that.  It's just that work was running a little bit slow and it ended in a much better way.  I do let the state of things affect me and I don't know if I will ever get away from that.  I worry when I can't give Sheila the money to cover the bills and sometimes it doesn't come in on our timetable.  So today when I was able to finally cover the check that she wrote yesterday for our house payment it made me feel better about things. 

I just had a frustrating interruption when I pushed the wrong button and I got taken to places that I wondered if I would get back from.  So I called Shelli and she was able to talk me back to where I need to be.  Isn't she amazing?  I hope that I will remember the solution.  That way if I make the same mistake I will be able to solve my problem easily.  That's if I make the same mistake.  Knowing me I'll probably create something different.

Sheila said that it was pretty slow at the temple this morning.  She said that her fellow workers were all dragging a bit.  It's bad enough getting up at 4:00 a.m. but when your body still thinks that it's 3:00 a.m. it makes it even tougher to stay awake.   I finally changed the clocks in my office this evening. 

I have gotten used to doing my 'journal entry' with this blog.  And I feel like I'm communicating with some of you, but I wish you all weren't so busy that you don't have time to respond.  It gets me feeling lonely because I feel like your near when I write and then when you don't comment it's like you are not nearly so near. 

My mind has now given out on me so I have no choice but to call it a day and go upstairs to bed.

For Monday but it's actually Tuesday morning !!

I was saying my prayer this morning when I realized that I forgot to do this last night.  We had gone to a neighbor's home for dinner with our family home evening group and when I got home I didn't think of going downstairs,  I just wanted to do some reading and then my routine stuff and go to bed.  t had been a real nice evening and I was feeling exceptionally good.  We had spent our time talking about spiritual things and I felt like I had made a contribution.  We don't always get that spiritual in this group.  We're not rogues or scoundrels or anything like that, but it just get that spiritual.  And as I said (wrote) I had made a significant contribution.  Then because we had the "3 'a'-migos" here alone and Sheila had a 4:00 a.m. wake up call I just didn't think about it.
Funny how feeling good like that can take you away from thing and other times it can help you get close to things.  (Do you understand what that means?)

This week presents some interesting challenges.  Every aspect of my life seems up for review.  And that takes not only time, but energy.  It also takes commitment.  It is all such a growing experience even at our age.  You teenagers and young to middle-age parents don't think that you have a monopoly on that part of life.  In some ways it is easier for us to learn and grow and improve and in some ways it is harder.  I guess I could say the exact same thing about the stages of life that each of you are presently in.  Anyway, its time to just meet the day and see what it has in store for me..

I understand that Nicholas has received confirmation that he has been accepted into both BYU and SVU.  If that is, indeed, the case I congratulate him.  (Actually I had no doubt that that would be the case.)  It put him in a good position and I have lots of advice that I would like to give him.  But I will limited myself to one bit:  do what you feel is right for you.  It certainly is a BIG decision, but not the most important decision of your life.  You are so young yet and can try lots of different things before you reach 'terminal decision making'.  But it is a chance to make a good step towards what it is that you want to make of your future.  I think that I wrote it before but I still envy you for the opportunities that you have before you.

Since yesterday we have had the other "3 A-migos" here with us.  It has been fun to have Autumn, Aubree and Amanda here, and, of course, Sharolyn.  My wife tells me that this whole next 8 days will be full of family.  We'll be tending Shelli's three when they drive to Denver next Sunday for a new promising test for Colton.  On Saturday the 'twins plus older brother' will be here for a day.  We really don't know just how this week will turn out with grand kids coming and going.  I'm told that some of you will be helping out some, but the exact schedule will probable only be worked out as each day comes and goes.  I do understand that Wednesday the "3-'A'-migos" and the other "3 A-migos" will be together for a time.  That should be a fun time  "A?".  (That's Canadian humor in case you couldn't tell.)

With Sharolyn and Shelli and Phil all being electronically-techno-in-the-know and all 3-g or 4-g or whatever g is up to date, we sat and watche several videos on facebook and youtube and in your facebooktube about the disaster in Japan.  The images were stunning and disturbing.  I began to feel a little bit sick as I watched what had really happened.  To know that real live and some real dead people were experiencing all of that caused me some pain.  The sense of loss I felt was so real and yet it also caused me to feel gratitude.  Not that it was them and not me, but because it wasn't us.  (Does that make sense?)

This new time deal has me feeling spent for this Sunday.  Did I lose out on an hour of sleep or did I gain one or did I just expend too much energy today?  Whatever, I am tired and I want to just do some reading and then some sleeping.  So good night my favorite family.

I lied.  I did not go to bed when I said I was.   I was getting ready to do so, but when I tested my blood the number was '70' which is waaay low.  I decided to have something to eat and since I was staying up to eat I might just as well watch the replay of the game which was now on.  I had done everything but my 39 push ups and my personal prayer which I did after the replay and when I finally did get into bed it was 2:02 a.m.!!  I tried hard to get my sleep back, but only got part way there by the time I got up at 9:02 a.m.  Now, because of daylight savings time tonight I am planning to go to bed early to recoup, but even if I go to bed at 8 it is already 9, so not much get back there.  I have had a rather lazy day which means that I only worked through about half of the day.  I organized work for today and for Monday morning.  Then long about 1:30 or 2 Sharolyn and the girls arrived.  Sheila was gone getting the oil changed and shopping but after awhile she got back.  Brooklyn showed up to be with the other 3 so I assume that the girls got here and they have been gone on their sisters dinner date.  I watched BYU get demolished in the championship game and frankly I didn't take it too seriously and I am ready to just move on and do my Sunday thing.  Sheila has been working hard all  week long on her Sunbeam primary lesson.  I teased her and said that she would need a truck to haul all of her stuff to church in the morning.  She carries more stuff to church for her primary calling then she did when she was Relief Society President.  Don't know just what tomorrow will bring other then normal church stuff, but I know that I want to relax and do a lot of Sunday nothing stuff.  That may mean a short nap, but mostly it means thinking deeply and spending time with my bud in deep gospel conversation.  It is not a day to stay in bed and catch up on sleep. I usually have to be up before 7 so tomorrow it will in reality be before 6.  It's take me a few days to a week to get used to the time change.  And as I tink about it maybe my nap tomorrow will not be 'short'.  I guess that's okay, after all they do call it a 'day of rest'.

It's 12:02 a.m. on Saturday morning no matter what the title says.  I have been sitting up waiting for the replay of the BYU game, but I just can't do it.  They are doing all of the interview and commentary on another game and I'm not getting any younger.  It was a special game for BYU that I missed and I hope that it does come on again so I can see it, but I have no regrets about my decision to go to Ogden and visit the temple with Sherri and Russ and Shelli and Phil and Sharon and, of course, Sheila.  It was an interesting discussion going on in my head, but in the end it was a good choice for me.  Attending the temple is always a good choice and it affects me in a real good way that I do not fully understand.  It bring a peace of mind that I don't often have at any other time, and of course when it occurs I try to over analyze it, but I can't.  Because it can't be totally explained other then to say that the spirit was there and it lingers for a time.  It isn't flashy or dramatic.  It just IS.  And I look forward to that positive effect tomorrow and hopefully into Sunday.  I won't worry about trying to explain it or understand it.  I will just enjoy it.  So now I have stayed up well past my bedtime so I will close and do what I do to finish my day and get to bed near 12:30 a.m.   nite all

Last night I got almost to the end of my entry and all of a sudden I lost what I was writing.  It has happened before and eventually I have always gotten it back.  Last night that was harder then it has been before.  It scared me and I think that it is gone forever.  I write spontaneously so if I lose it I know that I will not be able to get it back.  I need to learn to be more careful, and I also need to learn what to do when it happens because I am sure that it will happen again. 

This morning I read in the MORMON TIMES that SVU won the national championship in basketball in its division. If you don't know what SVU is ask Nicholas.  He was considering going there for school.  I do not know how that stands now.  But it did give me a fantasy thought of him going there and playing basketball.  Whatever he decides to do we wish him success.

My day has been  --well, I was going to say 'all work'.  But I did take time off to watch the BYU ball game.  It wasn't much of a sacrifice but I had invited or agreed to Sheila's invitation to Kathy to come here and use my computer.  So I was forced to take time from work and watch the game.  Other then that I have had a lot of work to keep me busy.  That is a good thing.

As I wrote last night I did enjoy my devotional time.  I am still working on the same thought that has been on my mind for several days.  I figure I will keep it to myself.  Whenever I tell them to someone they seem to devalue.  But it still is keen to me and I need to spend more time on it and it looks to me like it has a lot of potential.  So I'll leave this work and do my nightly ritual work, and then I'll do my pondering work.   I'm at 39 in case any of your are interested.

Today the best part of my day was my early morning devotional.  That's what I call my quiet time before I get out of bed and I just lay there and ponder on the thoughts that I have from my scripture study or the ideas that are currently in my head.  This morning was particularly good because I was able to  put an answer to a question that I have been thinking about for a few days.  I feel like in those times I do receive inspiration and I believe that is what I got this morning.  It just seemed like a key piece of a puzzle was right there and it tied a lot of my recent thoughts together.  One of the thoughts that led to this new answer was that I realized that I actually see my dreams and goals as out of this world.  What I mean by that is that I don't seem to get too excited about my regularly routine things.  I do like to think about things such as truth and gospel principles and eternal things like relationships and family.  Work takes a back seat for me and I wouldn't like it at all if I didn't see it as an important part of being able to have those other things that I mentioned.  You have to be able to pay the bills, and put food on the table (and in the pantry) and maintain a shelter over your head.  But I like it when I don't have to think about those things and I can just let my mind soar and ponder about eternal things and things to come.  That's what I do almost nightly when I wake up and its still really early and I get out of bed and sit in my chair and try really hared to exercise the heart and soul of me.  I have learned that it takes as much effort to be effect at pondering as it does at any other kind of work.  But I have been at it long enough that I am really quite good at it.  The only drawback is that when my pondering is really, really good it makes me wish that I didn't have to go back to work when the sun comes up.  I wish that there was a way to just do that all of the time.  But alas, each day does come and bring the reality of life and I get to it usually feeling better about it because of the time I spent in 'devotion' or maybe even 'communion'. And at the end of the day I look forward to that time again and again.  I sometimes worry that I have created my own fantasy world and I need to be more realistic, but then if you really loo9k at it the gospel is another world.  And it does encourage us to seek what might be called another reality.  It seems to work for me but then I just might be as crazy as a jaybird.

I just got back to this entry and I finished it off and edited it after losing it  cyberspace and somehow getting it back again.  I'll print it again and the evidence will be on the other side of this page.

I'm starting this a little earlier then normal.  The tv show that we normally watch on Tuesday nights is a rerun and I feel inclined to spend some time doing some gospel studying when I go upstairs.  Sheila will be back by then.  She went to pick up the Sorensen boys from a tech class and give them a ride home. She had driven them to the class before 6. ( I hear her upstairs now.)  Sister Sorensen was in the hospital for a couple of weeks and is now home recuperating so Sheila has been driving them now for a 2nd Tuesday.  Of Course, this morning she was up and off early for her regular shift at the baptistery.  I felt pretty good when I finally got up around 7.  I showered and dressed and came down and I found that the snow storm may not have hindered her from getting to the temple (Although she did tell me when she got home that the drive up the long hill was littered with cars that could not make it up the hill to the temple.)  But it did make enough water to fill our stairwell and leak into the office.  It wasn't as bad as we have seen it, but I could have managed without it.  It took me awhile to get the pump pumping and I was beginning to think that the hose was frozen and the thought of disaster did cross my mind.  I said a prayer and kept trying and after a few more tries it did work and pumped out the water. ( and yes, I did remember to say 'thank you' for the answer to that prayer.  (Then I had the task to work on the water in the office.  I did not do it as well as my wife does, but I fumbled my way to a point where I just put down several towels and let it dry itself out.  I worked my way through the morning and by shifting tasks several times between my work and my study and my pondering I lasted until my wife got back and we had some lunch and figured out the rest of our day.  I did the rounds while Sheila stayed here and I'm sure she did some work, but she also took opportunity to nap a bit too.  (Which was fine with me!)  This morning a neighborhood elf (with a snow blower) did our driveway and front walk.  I'm really not sure who it was, but I try not to be embarrassed about being seen as this old couple who needs such help.  It has been going on all winter long and I like it.  It makes me want to do other little things that an 'old guy' can do to play it forward.  I watched some basketball on tv and enjoyed seeing the Heat get beat (again!).  (Aren't I terrible?)   Here's thinking of all or you.  Your are truly at the heart of everything that I do.

Things got a little quiet around here after the snow hit.  It didn't take too long before the storm knocked out our satellite service.  That creates a problem for a couple of old folks who enjoy spending time watching tv  and
 winding down at the end of the day.  But it was also an opportunity to try something that I had heard about but had never done before.  After some effort I was able to find the BYU TV station that has tv on demand and I was actually able to find the movie EMMA so the wife and I sat in front of the computer and had our dinner and a movie.  We watched a few other short program things and then I got on TV Guide.com and we just got through watch a recent episode of Undercover Boss.  Sheila did miss out on her cupcake competition but she settled for time with her beau.  We figure that the snow storm is over and will not be a problem for her in the morning on her early morning drive to the temple.  As for me, I had a pretty good start to the week.  I spent a little time doing some gospel study and reading and I cleaned out the skimmer real well so I wouldn't have any worries worries when the weather turned nasty.  And, of course, I ate well today because we had sufficient left over from yesterday. 

Sheilas just decided to come back down so we can try to find another show to watch.  I guess she got upstairs and saw that the satellite still wasn't working.  So I guess I'll have to stay up with her for a while longer.  I guess that's better then a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

Shelli did, indeed, help me fix the problem that I had with this blog site.  In fact, she even taught me a few new tricks that I can use from now on.  I can now type bold.  And I can use italics.  I can even underline.  
And I see that I can do all three at the same time. I feel a certain sense of satisfaction having just learned something.  I guess it is a little like life in general.  And in both life and my little blog there is so much to learn. I could spend my whole day just sitting around feeling overwhelmed if I wanted to. (But I don't want to do that.)

We had a very nice get together for our family home evening tonight.  Richard and Kathy did a really nice job, and Sheila and I have a nice shield for life to hang up in our room and be a source of inspiration for us about some truths that are important to us.  It fit right into my own plan for progress and will serve as a good reminder of goals that we have.

I really missed Nicholas being here.  We did talk a lot about him and want him to know that we missed him. It made me feel like it was already next year and he was away somewhere to college.  That and his mission loom in the near future and as much as we want those things for him we know we will be watching from afar with part of ourselves missing, because he will be so far away.

My Sunday as been good.  I did some serious studying and also did a little serious napping.  Both were refreshing in their own unique way.  Church was good as well.  I bore my testimony for the 3rd month in 2011. I worried to Sheila tonight that it is too much.  But I'm quick and I'm good (so says I) and it is something that I really feel is important for me.  Frankly, I don't understand why more folks, don't do it more often.  Especially those that would do it the proper way.  There are too many event tellers, and 'gushers' and
ramblers and 'lovers' and 'thankers'.  I may complain too much, but I believe that there certainly is room for improvement and I do try to be a positive example.  Anyway, I did it and I will probably do it again next month if it feels right to me.  I also hope to see Nicolas and others who were not here tonight next time.

This set up looks different then it did last night. Last night when I almost lost my entry before I was done I must have pushed the wrong key and changed the format or something. I will have to wait for tomorrow when Shelli comes down for family home evening to ask her to help me and see if we can get it back to where it was. There is so much about this blasted machine that befuddles me. I'm lucky to be able to get it to do what I do. I don't have high hope of ever becoming much more proficient, but who know, miracles can happen. Its not quite a miracle, but I had a date with me this afternoon when I watched the BYU game here in my office. Sheila gave me a gift and I appreciated it. I believe that we were both more interested in the game then normal because of the situation of this past week. I have written about it and we have talked about it. It was very satisfying to see it resolve the way that it did today. I feel okay about the rest of my day. I had left over Chinese food for two of my meals (breakfast and lunch) and I got some errands done that needed doing. And I did just enough work to be ready for the start of next week this coming Monday. I even left two games before they finished to write this and I will go to bed and leave the endings to be discovered when I read the paper tomorrow when we get home from church. I'll actually set the alarm for my wake up in the morning. I have to get up earlier then I did today in order to get over to the church in time for choir practice. And to have time for my "weekly ritual" of a shower and a shave!!!

Fridays just feel different then the other days feel.  Especially when the weekend is pretty open and the only things planned are things that I really enjoy, like family, church and a BYU ball game.  And what makes it even better is that this week finally turned out much better then I thought that it would about Tuesday and Wednesday.  I was going to carry on writing in this vein but Sheila just came down with her phone in her hand.
 She said she had just received the following texts from Sharon: "In emergency room, Zac knocked his tooth out  He ran in to the garbage can  it laid him out flat.  I'm at IHC on state  I think we'll be okay  (it's) just one more thing!"  Sheila said to write something good like we hope he's doing fine and he'll have a story to tell come Sunday night.  Me--I can't help but seeing in my mind the pictures of Sharolyn on my office wall and of course all through our family pictures when she was without one of her front teeth for a long, long time. Sheila reminded me that she fell off the swing set.  It was such a long time ago that we can hardly remember it. But it was a baby tooth and we just waited for 2-3-4 years before it grew back.  I can see Zac sprawled out on his back.  It will be kind of funny to look back on some day.  Maybe not yet, but someday.

Anyway, I feel like I'm on vacation now.  My work week is over.  I don't have to do any office work tomorrow (although I probably will do some).  Maybe my challenge will be to do something fun with Sheila or find something productive for me to do.  I have been quite busy this past five days and I could say that I worked hard.  I could have done more and I know I can't let too much time go by not doing anything.  I wish I could sometimes, but I've worked long and hard to develop that work ethic and I believe it is a good thing.   But I can take time away from work, I just can't take time away from doing something even if it is only pondering.  And sometimes I find that pondering is the hardest work of all. Right now I desire a cold bottle of water and I will sit with my wife and watch whatever she wants to watch on TV at 9:00 p..m on this Friday night.

Yesterday I wrote about all of the attention that the suspension of BYU's Brandon Davies was getting nationwide.  Then today I watched as the truth of it started to leak out.  The news also said that BYU was not the source of the intimate details..  I believe that everything that BYU has done has been up front and proper.  And most of the national media gave them respect for their honor code and the way that they have dealt with this situation.  BUT today when they talked about what really happened they showed just how peculiar WE are.  I shouldn't have been surprised, but when people talk about certain values that you hold very dear and they don't, it gives you pause.  We really live in a different world.  I have had certain experiences 'out in the world' so I know that the morality we cherish is definitely not cherished by others.  They can't understand  how fidelity and abstinence and chastity are even desirable, let alone to be defended and lived.  They just do not understand us.   It makes me feel very grateful because I know that it isn't just the values and principles, but it is the reality of truth.  It simply is true.  I have taught you that from your earthly beginnings and I stand by them.  I am still growing in those truths and it is the most wonderful part of my life.  I cannot separate it from wife, family and living a good life, because it doesn't come without those and they don't come without it.  That's the beauty of it all.  Not only does our Father in Heaven love us, but we can live to return to his presence.  The journey is certainly a difficult one, but it is certainly worth it, and none of us should ever settle for anything less then all that we can become.

Here is my take on the situation.  The BYU game has just finished and it was a sad, sad thing to watch.  But I have my own personal take on things.  I believe that these young men felt a bit like I felt since yesterday.  Here was one of their close friends who had messed up his life and faced some really dire consequences. I know that he felt like he really let all of them down. The BYU players and staff and even students are different kinds of folks than those in the world.  It was a tragedy that they all felt and 'it' transcended the game of basketball.  So I see their poor performance tonight as positive in a way because it showed that they were affected by the suffering of one of their own.  Even now I feel bad that they lost the game, but I also have a sense of empathy for a 'brother' who is hurting far more then they are.  At least that is my take on the matter.  I guess there is something worse then making bad choices and that is making bad choices in front of the whole world.  I couldn't believe all of the nation coverage that BYU received yesterday and today.  And now it will just keep on with the world's experts putting in their say on what is happening.  I'm sure that some will see the truth of the suffering of one young lost soul, but most will miss that and go on and on about things that are not the reality which is that this game or any game just isn't very important when you consider eternal things.  A good lesson for us all and I know that I can learn a thing or two from it too.

I have a lot of different emotions going on inside tonight.  Just a few minutes ago I heard on the news about the Brandon Davies situation at BYU.  That made me feel sick.  I felt badly for him and I felt something of the major let down of his team and the whole BYU scene.  The news had interviews of some students and I was impressed by their comments.  Most said that the honor code is such a part of the picture and if he blew it there he has to deal with the consequences.  He isn't the first 'star' to mess up and he won't be the last.  But I really do feel sick about how this shatters such a big dream that was taking shape.  We will see what impact it will have on things as they move forward.     WOW!!!

I have also been emotionally involved with Sharon's pre-trial hearing.  I see that as much more positive, but it also has a lot to play out in the weeks and months to come.  My faith is really, really strong that Sharon, Linzi and Zac will endure this just fine. 


 My own day has been a roller coaster for me too.  I thought 'stars' and it ended up less then 'trees' and almost 'mud'.  But tomorrow is another day and all I can do is the work that I have control over.  My faith is still intact.  It's just that I am slow to understand the big picture.  I do know that there is really nothing that is really important that can be taken from me.  Life may be somewhat uncomfortable, but it will all work out.

One of my major challenges today was that my printer stopped working.  After several frustrating moments an answer to my prayers showed up in the form of Robert whom I sent off with my credit card to get me a new printer.  He obliged me and got me back to where I needed to be. 

Then I found out that my dmv service which has been down for over a week is gone permanently.   I hope to be able to find a way to replace it, but I really don't know if that will be possible.  Life goes on and change is inevitable.  For sure I will have a lot to review and ponder on tonight and tomorrow.