Sheila read it and said that it was deep.  What do you think?

It seems a waste of time to try and have a debate in your head about how seriously bad or righteous your actions have been.  Are you evil or just a victim of your own mistakes?  And comparing yourself to others in this regard is foolhardy.  The scriptures teach us that we are all sinners and are all guilty of all of the law.  No matter how much or how serious our sins have been and now are, we all fall short of God's glory and are all in need of His saving grace.  Accept it, and base your efforts on that truth and move forward.

It is equally counterproductive to worry about if or how you are saved.  It seems that most of that discussion is really about coming to a true understanding of the meaning of the word.  If you have received the ordinances of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost through proper authority and are 'in the church' and under covenant you are 'saved'.  Your concern should now be what comes next in the 'further light and knowledge' that you are blessed to live by.  The understanding of that blessing is to understand 'saved for what?'

Well, my 3 days are about over.  I know that old folks see time differently then young folks, but special times go too fast however old you are.  I have spent most of the last 3 day with my bud and it has, indeed, gone by way too fast.  The new day starts off way too early, but regardless of how ready I am it will arrive right on schedule whether I am ready or receptive or not.  So come on Tuesday, I'll just deal with you the best way that I can.  We had 3 movies left for today.  So after some work and breakfast we got away around 11 to go visit a few graves.  Sheilas talked me into stopping at Carl's Jr. on the way home to get hamburgers for our lunch and we watched 2 of them. (movies that is, not hamburgers)  The 3rd one we started, but we both decided not to finish it.  It wasn't naughty or anything like that we just didn't find it interesting.  So Sheila went to the store and I just hung out til now and I am ready to end my day.  Even doing nothing can sap your energy. 

This morning we did read Shelli's blog and found out about the Colton thing.  We went through the pictures of him on that site and were touched, 1st by the images of him when he was so small, and 2nd by the fact that Shelli has such good friends that would do something life that for some one else.  No matter what it ends up doing for them the idea of it all is now and will always be very special. I just read Sharon's Facebook where she spreads the good work too.  I am touched by all good folk, family or adopted family.  They are all just special and kind, and turn this old grouch into a big, fuzzy teddy- 'gorilla'.

I wonder if I'll ever have a Sunday that I can write about as a 'perfect Sunday'.  In fact, I wonder the same thing about any day.  I know that I haven't ha a perfect day yet, and I really don't figure one will come along in my lifetime.  I am not trying to be negative, just realistic.  As I understand the truth I believe that this life isn't really the place to have perfect days.  And as far as today goes I see it as a better then average Sunday.  Sure, there are things that I figure were less then they could have been, but actually more that were more.  We spent the most part of our day watching more of those movies that I brought home last night.  When we got home from the block Sheila fixed us some lunch and we went downstairs.  Sheila picked out our first movie and we really enjoyed "Secretariat".  Then I picked out one that we both rated at the worst of the 9 that we rented.  It was "Dairy of a Wimpy Kid", and it was just that:  'wimpy'.  Sheila did not want to watch "Iron Man 2" so she fixed our dinner and I watched it.  Timing was pretty good and with dinner on our trays we watch "The Sorcerer's Apprentice"  That was pretty good, and we enjoyed it, although it wasn't as good as "Secretariat". We still have one more day in our 3-day weekend and we have 3 more movies to watch.  We do have some other stuff to do too.  I have a little bit of office work to do in the morning.  And we have 2 cemetery's  to visit.  It will probable be our best sleep-in day too.  I have a quiz for all of you.  It came to me this morning and I would like you to think about it and tell me what you think.  It isn't like there is a correct answer, but I am interested in what thoughts do come to you when you think about it.

If 'A' loves truth and 'B' loves truth does 'A' love 'B'

A couple of weeks ago Sheila told me about a story that was going to be on the evening news about a group of active Mormon nudists.  I decided to not watch the story because I didn't want to think about someone behaving that way while pretending to be good Mormons.  We had a pretty good discussion about the morality of it all and I had concluded that for several reasons it was not compatible with being 'good' and was, in fact, wrong.  I guess that our discussion fell on deaf ears.  What did I find in my own back yard this afternoon but a group of Mormon nudist skinny dipping in our newly clean pond.  I was appalled.  It wasn't bad enough that they were naked, but they were co-ed naked!  I couldn't watch.  I had to seek refuge in my basement office and just hope that it would all be over when next I came upstairs. Now I need to be careful not the let the Internet get a hold of the evidence because she took pictures of the depravity and maybe intends to post it into cyberspace.  (Over my dead body!)  Well, enough talk of the grand kids.

We had decided to get a bunch of movies to watch over this holiday weekend.  So after I finally finished all of my work I went and picked up several.  I had one that she did not want to see so I watched it while she drove the grand kids home and when she got back she picked out one that Shelli said was good but had naughty words.  We just finished it and we both really enjoyed it.  Two is enough for tonight and even though I get to sleep in from my usual Sunday morning time I still need to be up by about 7:30 a.m. so it is time to end my day.

I talked to Nicholas today when he returned my call.  I told him that I had found out that I have a cousin who is the "Vice President of Finance' at Southern Virginia University.  Nicholas and his parents happen to be there in Virginia today for the SVU open house.  As you probably know that is where he is going off to for his university education.  I have a real neat feeling about his choice, and I admit that I am a bit jealous too.

I have had mixed feelings about 3 day weekends during my married life.  I say 'married life' because I figure that before I was  married it was another life, kind of like a pre-existence.  So 42 years and counting is where I measure things from.  Often 3 day weekends weren't anything special because the Monday was almost always some kind of a work day.  Oh, the courts and things were closed so there wasn't pressure to be out and about but I could just stay at home and piddle around in the office and call it work.  Then other times we would do things with family or friends.  But this coming 3 dayer is nice because I really just want to spend time alone, just  me and Sheila.  It might not happen just that way, but there is a good chance that it will.  We might just rent a bunch of movies and lounge around all day watching them.  I will work some tomorrow to try and get caught up so I won't have any work to do come Monday too.  I have already started to get the good 3-day feeling tonight.  And it includes being able to sleep in some on Saturday, Sunday (because our choir has taken the summer off) and then again on Monday.  I have some subjects that I want to do some in depth studies on during my down time.  One is the subject of what I feel with Doug mission call.  It has brought some ideas to me that I want to understand better.  We siblings got together this evening for dinner at Rafael's and it was good.  Doug will be a good mission president.  I wonder what our next three years will bring to us.  We know that this year will bring 2 more special grand children, but there are a lot of other things out there.  Sure, a lot are for our kids and grand kids, but I have written off my (our) 'impending' and I just feel that there is something coming that I feel will be good and even wonderful.  (Maybe it's just the next 3 days that will be good and wonderful, and after that, who knows?

A pretty full day.  But I was able to work in a little work too.  (ha ha)  I did get up before Sheila left this morning.  And overcoming my desire to go back to sleep I got dressed and started my day.  Along about 8:30 a.m. Nicholas showed to do some yard work for his grandmother.  I decided to take advantage of his put- put truck to do some errands before Richard got to the office.  It was a  good trip and I was able to set Richard up with enough work to make his daily ration.  It also kept me pretty busy until Sheila got home about 1:30 p.m.  Nicholas worked for a couple of hours and left about 11:30 a.,. for a luncheon day (with a young lade I'm guessing) Sheila expected to get here and find the Water's Edge guys working on the pond.  I told her that there was a call that they would not be able to make it today but when she called she was told that their roadblock had been taken care of and they were on their way.  So our pond did get its annual cleaning and it went pretty quickly and later I finished filling it back up while I was playing with my grandson, Colton, out on the patio.  When I made him come inside he decided not to like me because he wanted to stay outside and play. Shelli and Phil had a doctor they needed to visit so we had the kangaroos here for a while.  Sheila decided that pizza was the best choice, so that's what we had for dinner.  Last night she fixed me fish and scallops with coleslaw.  And a few night ago she fixed me ham and creamed peas and potatoes.  Tomorrow night we'll be at a dinner get-together for Doug and Lynnette before they're off on their mission president gig.  It will be at Rafael's (Mexican food).  I'm feeling like I should have done more today.  That is not an unusual feeling for me.  In fact, my 'pondering ring on my pinky finger to remember idea' is all about that, and where and how we hold ourselves to some invisible standard that sometimes makes us feel bad when we ought to be kinder to ourselves and not be our own worst critic and sometimes be our own best cheerleader instead.  (That is my current subject I am pondering---heavy isn't it?)  (Any thoughts on the matter?)

The age old debate of youth vs. experience rages on.  I just finished watching an NBA ball game with an 'old' team vs. a 'young' team.  Of course I was rooting for the 'old' team.  (Not just because their assistant coach is a Mormon.)  I do try to stay on an even keel and not let myself get too involved.  When I get more then casually interested and 'my' team loses I take a hit.  I don't like that and it doesn't happen very often.  But because it does happen I try to not let it happen.  You remember Clyde Williams.  I used to serve under him in the Sandy Stake sports program.  I learned that he dealt with his interest in the outcome of games by simply avoided them.  You know that his son played college ball and then some pro basketball overseas.  So Clyde did have plenty  of opportunity to face his emotions at games.  He told me that he just avoided watching them. I thought that overcoming was preferable to avoiding.  Even now I sometimes wonder if avoidance would serve me better.  But, alas, I think not.  The more challenging something is the sweeter the reward in succeeding.  But I admit that it does have it's ups and downs.

Today's routine was not the normal routine.  Even this morning when Sheila left for work she said good bye to me (twice) and I slept right through it.  Well, actually I sort of slept right through it.  I think that I heard her in a deep sleep and instead of hearing her consciously I heard her subconciously and I had a dream that sort of was about her leaving.  We were on some kind of a tour in Australia and I got left behind in a crowded hotel in when I missed the bus.  Of course she had all of the keys and tickets and stuff so I was stranded and all alone.  At least that's the way I felt until I woke up and realized that she was off to work.  From then on the day just seemed to go weird on men--not a bad day, but weird. 

We liked the little video of Colton sliding down a slippery slide.  Yes, I do watch my wife's Facebook.  I still can't figure it all out, but I find it interesting.  I even thought for a small moment of doing my own Facebook, but then I repented real fast.  I can't see that ever happening. That and texting are way beyond me.

I guess that when it comes down to it you have to make peace with yourself.  You are your best critic and also your worst critic.  If you are honest with yourself you have to learn to be kind and gentle because you know your weaknesses and faults and would give it all up if you didn't remember that even God isn't a total critic.  He understands the reality of this life and He allows in His plan for you  and me to make mistakes and learn slowly and even rebel against what is right sometimes.  He knows about human stubbornness and the 'carnal, sensual and devilish' side of us.  He does require a lot from us, but not all at once.  We have a whole lifetime to get better and better.  That doesn't mean that we can purposely go the other direction, but He does allow for backward steps and even the occasional misstep as long as we keep trying and our desires are right.  I am beginning to understand myself now, and there are some things that I sincerely want to change and do better.  But there are some things that I see as much improved from years past.  So I have to stop thinking that maybe there is hope for me yet to knowing that there is hope for me and I just need to keep working at it.  I hope that you all can see the wisdom in what I have just written.  It isn't anything new and it does apply to all of you.  One thing that I have come to know pretty well is illustrated by my statement:  THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE NOT THINGS. I value people.  I value family.  I value relationships.  'Things' do have a place, but never more then 'folks'.  So I value you.  I understand where you come from and where we can be in our eternal future.  And that is what keeps me going through our eternal present. 

I just double checked by reading my last entry and Sheila was right.  She told me that I needed to start off my blog tonight by admitting to a faulty memory.  I had written that I did not make it to all of our kids high school graduation.  In fact, I did.  That is if you count Sharon's when I was sick and just made it over to the high school where I waited in the hallway to see her when she came out after receiving her diploma.  I guess it was the college ceremonies that I did not get to.  So I do admit to that faulty memory, but I can claim that I was right when I wondered about Nicholas' ceremony only lasting an hour and 1/2.  Sure!!  It wasn't too much over, but it did go over that 90 minute limit.  What may have made it seem longer was that we got there so early. I do try to be on time to things, and all of my planning this morning went well and we arrived about an hour early.  That meant that we were first and had time to stake out the seats that Sherri wanted.  For this day I learned how to switch my cell phone to 'vibrate mode' and used that for the first time.  We were in the right spot for pictures of Nicholas as he was receiving his diploma. Afterward we were treated to a meal at the Sizzler.  I try to never pass up a free meal.  On the way home while Sheila was talking to Shelli on her phone I about got us killed by changing lanes in front of a huge pick up truck.  Sheila stopped breathing momentarily and also stopped talking to Shelli, but when she came back to life she explained that I had swerved through 3 lanes.  A few moments later she did admit that it was really only 2 lanes, but she still counted it as 'one' against me for scaring her that way.  If I get to 3 in any single trip I have to let her drive. I admit to being old  so when we did get back home near 5pm I had had it for the day.  Work was the furthest think from my mind so I pretended to be busy in the office, but really I just switched to zombie mode and sat out the rest of the day.  Even now I am doing this in my sleep so I will finish and go upstairs and yell at the grand kids once again before I go to bed looking forward to tomorrow when I actually plan on getting some work done.

When I go through a day and don't get much time to myself I feel cheated.  It seems that I need some down time to relax and gather myself.  Today was a day where there was so much going on that I did not get that kind of time.  But in review I can't feel like I didn't get my money's worth and I'll just have to take it for what it was.  I was up before my alarm so I turned it off so it wouldn't wake Sheila.  My first thought was a new idea that came to me during my final moments before I fully woke up so I came down to the office and looked up the word "epiphany" and printed out the definition to use in my priesthood lesson.  Then I read my daily ration of scripture, turned on the shower and did my 41 push ups while the water was getting warm.  I showered and shaved and then partly dressed and had some breakfast.  I reviewed my thoughts for a few minutes and then finished getting dressed.  Sheila woke up about that time without me opening up the blinds.  I was waiting until 7:45 a.m. to do that and  wake her up, but she beat me to it.  She got up and I walked over to the church and found it unoccupied.   I figured that I would have to wait for someone with a key, but I followed a subtle 'whisper' and tried the door and found that it had been left unlocked.  I went in and opened doors and turned on lights and prepared for choir practice.  The block followed quickly and before long we were walking back home in the rain.  We had some lunch and then I went home teaching.  Shortly after that Richard and Kathy showed up and we visited until we had to ready ourselves and drive to Ogden for Nicholas' seminary graduation.  We ate sandwiches on the way, but could have waited because the 'light refreshments' would have been a meal that we passed on.  (a free mean--I should have eaten something.  Last week we missed Colton's birthday party so we stopped by there on the way home and Logan stole the card and tried to steal the money, but Colton did get the envelope.  We left the Rosbach house in about the same level of chaos as we found it a bit more tired for all of the energy we witnessed there.  We got home about 9 and just chilled and now I need to sleep in preparation of my day off which will see us back to Ogden for another Nicholas graduation ceremony.  I can only hope that it is actually only and hour and a half, which Russ says they are shooting for.  He's says that they are pretty good and keeping it 'short', but my money is on 'longer or longest' but for Nicholas....   After all, I never made it to all of my own kids high school graduation.  The world didn't end yesterday and I'm sure that it won't end tomorrow, so I'll live to write again tomorrow night and like I said:  for Nicholas!!

Well, the world did not come to an end today.  Or at least if it did I didn't notice.  I was too busy doing what I had to do.  I had thought that Saturday would be a bit more relaxed for me, but when I got to thinking about it I realized that come Monday I won't have much time to do what I would normally do, so that work had to be done today.  And it turned out to be much more of a task then I at first thought that it would be.  It took me most of the day and when I thought that I was all done I found some items that I had overlooked so when my ballgame ended at 15 to 10 I finished up those tasks and then I printed up some props for my priesthood lesson tomorrow and after I finish this entry I will begin the ending of my day.  I did have a few moments with Sheila to look on the computer to see some of what the world was saying about this end of the world stuff.  Most of them thought it was as silly as I do.  Some said that it makes all Christians look silly.  Personally, I am just not surprised by it, but I admit that I do take pleasure is seeing that fellow turn out so wrong.  Of course, he won't see it that way and will come up with something to try to turn it around.  But 'they' have to be a little embarrassed if not down right devastated after the way that some of them carried on about the supposed end of the world.  I am glad that it did not end today.  I figure I am working hard at trying to get this thing right, and I am just not ready for it to be over.  There is just too much to do and see, and most of that is centered in our children and our grand children. ( and great grand children?!?)  So as long as the sun keeps coming up I'll not worry about that and just worry about me and mine, and that will keep me plenty busy.

We had just finished a movie together.  During the commercials we had found another movie MOMA MIA that is now on and near the end. Sheila decided to stay down here and grace me with her presence and watch the end, and I came to the computer.  First, I googled one of the actors in the movie who we see in THE GOOD WIFE on TV.  We find the two roles so contrasting.  Then I went to Shelli's blog and found that she had done a new entry (after 3 years!).  I see that she feels an 'impending' too.  Even Sheila noticed it too and said that she sounds just like me, when she read it.  When we looked at the pictures of Colton's birthday I felt a little regret for not being there last Sunday.  But we made a choice and it was a good choice to be at that viewing.  I felt good about honoring a lady from my teenage years and it brought some tender, nostalgic feelings to the surface.
This week has been quite full, especially for Sheila.  She worked 2 shifts a day for 4 days this week.  She told me today that even though it has been physically demanding she has actually felt invigorated at some time during the day (usually just before she she crashed for the day). This coming Monday she marked as a no work day because we will be attending Nicholas' graduation ceremony in Ogden.  Then our pond clean-up which was rained out last week is rescheduled for  next Thursday.  I am feeling some pressure about work right now.  I can't see my Saturday as being leisurely.  I just have too much to do.  A couple of special 'urgent' papers are weighing on me too.  I don't know how I will get those handled.  But  IT IS WHAT IT IS and I'll just keep on stumbling forward and do the best that I can.  So will you.

I guess that I am really happier when I am working.  My life may not be as hectic as it was when we were raising this family, and it may not be as busy as your life is now.  But usually I am able to find plenty of work to do and I am able to squeeze in some down time too.  I try to enjoy everything that I do and I usually succeed.  I even resent some interruptions that take me out of my routine sometimes.  But if I try to enjoy everything that I do I have to be able to enjoy the interruptions too, don't I? One's perspective is different when you have lived as many days as I have lived.  Not much surprises me anymore.  But I do try to stay young in perspective so as not to be bored by life.  I do okay at that, but sometimes I just plain get worn out and just last until I can get to the end of the day and go to sleep and recharge for the new day which comes around every morning when the sun rises again.  (Lately its been hard to see the sun rise in the morning, but this rain has got to stop sometime!)

I find that I get a little mad at myself when I invest more then time into a ball game and when my team loses it bothers me.  Not too much, but enough.  I wonder if my answer is to stop watching games or just deal with it as a part of the world that I want to be 'in' but not 'of'.  I am getting better at that, but I still have some improvement to make.  Another thing that I am still improving in is even more important to me and that is living by the spirit.  Now that is a thing worth pursuing.  Today I had a very subtle impression to check the water in the stairwell and found it just right to start pumping.  That has happened several times and it is something to think that HE is concerned enough with me to inspire me on stuff so mundane as that.  If he does that on simple stuff I must expect the same on stuff that is more important.  How can I get better at recognizing it when it happens?     It is a subject that concerns me as it should.  It is one of the things that I try to focus on every day.  Hopefully, I am better at it then I was 'before' and I can only imagine how it might me 'after'.  I ought to ask you to let me know where I should take this blog thing.  (If you read it at all.)  What would you have me write that would be of interest to you? Please, let me know.

When I'm trying to remember something I put my wedding ring on my 'pointer' finger.  I do it a lot and sometimes I forget what I was trying to remember, but not often.  Lately, I have had a thought or idea come to me during the night, and I want to remember it and think about it more seriously. So I move my ring.  This morning I had a thought that really appealed to me, so I have been wearing my ring on my 'pointer' finger all day long.  I have thought about the thought several times today and so far I have discovered that this seems to be one of my biggest thoughts, and really needs a lot more serious consideration.  It is the idea of what expectations do I have about God.  What do I expect from God?  What should I expect from God?  And what do those expectations tell me about God and about myself?  It may not seem important to you, and that's okay.  But it is a 'biggy' to me.  My first thoughts about 'the thought' were pretty superficial but soon took on a more serious tone.  My expectations of myself and other people are one thing, but after thinking about them they differ greatly from my expectations of Deity.  And how can one have expectations of God without having expectation of your self?  Maybe this is too heavy for one who got up at 6 a.m. and has been working pretty hard most of the day since.  So I throw it out to you for any comment that you might have, and I will keep my ring on my 'pointer' finger until tomorrow and continue to ponder upon the question(s).

This morning I got up and drove Sheila to work (7 a.m.) because I had to get gas in the car for her 2nd shift later on, and I had a few errands to run for myself.  Tomorrow I will have her drive herself and I will try to sleep in just a touch.  I don't have to be in the office until just before 7:30 a.m. and I have lots to do to keep me busy most of the day.  I really should have gone to bed by now.  I'm starting to think that I may have overcome any possible addiction to chocolate or work o other more harmful stuff, but I do have an addiction to life.  Sometimes I just don't want my day to end.  Necessity may be the mother of invention, but reality is the father of moving on and doing what has to be done whether you want to do it or not.

As we were driving up to the Draper Temple Sheila got Sherri, the birthday girl, on the phone.  I didn't think about it much then because the phone was dying and so we sang fast and we were off and she was off to another busy, busy night.  But thinking about our family with a 41 year history is a bit awesome to me.  Here I am, an old man with a memory of almost 65 years and that is a really interesting feeling.  I don't often spend much time thinking about my past, but things come up all the time that bring it to my mind.  Next Monday our first grandchild, Nicholas, will be graduating from high school. We attended that viewing the other night which was all about my early years from Jr. high through high school.  We see you kids going through busy, hectic and wonderful experiences ( along with some bad times too) and we remember that we went through that stuff too.  Right now we are at a stage that is different and I am so glad that I don't have the kind of schedules that you have.  I couldn't do all of that now.  With Sheila working now it has changed our dynamics a lot.  She is only working part time, but for the next couple of weeks she'll be doing 5 and 1/2 hours a day.  I notice that when she got the calls for her current schedule and when she goes off to work she is happy.  And that makes me happy.  It is a good thing for her, and I need to support her in it, and I do.  Funny how my own work keeps changing too. I sit around and wait for Richard to get back, and my mind is relaxed and then he comes in with stuff that now needs to be worked and I wonder how I can get it all handled.  I have tried to narrow my focus to make my life simple, but there is still 'work enough to do till the sun goes down'.  I would like to be more involved in your lives, but my life doesn't always let that happen.  I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not done yet, even though sometimes the thought does appeal to me.  It is a funny dichotomy this idea that we live our separate lives yet at the same time we cannot separate our lives from the lives of others, especially our family's lives.  It might be easier if we could, but that ideas really has no appeal for me.  Give me the complicated, difficult and even painful way if it is the way that keeps us connected.  Make sure that you take advantage of each day as it comes to you.  It really does go by faster then you think.

Learned some stuff today.  Sheila had gone on my afternoon rounds and had taken some time to visit with Sharon.  We knew that Sharon and Zach had a tai kwan do tournament last Saturday.  We learned that Zach had earned a couple of gold medals and Sharon earned a bronze and a silver.  Sharon had competed against a 'mean 20 year old girl' who had achieved her success by kicking people in the head.  Sharon was tired but determined not to get kicked in the head.  So she did what she had to and avoided that kick.  She got beat, but may have actually won, at least that's my take.  Not getting kicked in the head is a win in my book.  Then Linzi got called out during stake conference on Sunday to go up and bear her testimony.  Pretty scary.  We had been put on the alert that tomorrow might be Sharon's court date, but we found that that won't happen and probably not for another month.  Sheilas got called to do her coveted job of cashier steady until the end of school.  The court thing took some pressure off so now she can just go and do her thing.  We had our family home evening meal tonight and Sheila was the main course.  Or at lest she prepared the main course.  She did french dip sandwiches and with the salads and other stuff it turned out to be a very tasty meal.  I gave a lesson and I am sure that Sheila will vouch for it as I did her food.  During Sheila's sabbatical from the temple she is free to sleep past 4 am in the morning.  I'm sure that that appeals to her. It appeals to me too because I am our alarm keeper. I have felt pretty good about my day today.  Tomorrow should me okay too.  Tomorrow night we are planning on a ward sealing session at the Draper Temple.  Then on Wednesday we are having our pond done.  That is a messy and expensive job, but it makes the water look nice until it all algaes up after a while.  Now I have only one lesson to work on and that is for this coming Sunday in my High Priests Quorum.  I understand that summer will be back by then.  (Or is it that it will come Summer and then be back to winter by then?)  (Who can tell anymore?)  I actually e-mailed  a video to some of you.  I hope that you enjoy it.  We did.

I am feeling quite old right now.  I guess that there are some very real factors that have come together to help make me fell this way.  Staying up so late last night and then getting up before 6:30 a.m. set me up to be tired.  Just having a long work week has tired me out.  Then the idea of Sunday sets me up to be relaxed and nap which does refresh me, but also seems to dull be up some because the most tiring thing for me is to do nothing at all.  Then we went to a viewing for the mother of a school chum of mine.  It had a double effect.  First, the line was the slowest ever.  My feet hurt, my legs were stiff and overall my whole body seemed drained by the long wait on my feet.  Then psychologically I realized how old I was being at a funeral.  Sure 'she' was much older (86), but of the family and friends there there weren't too many older then me.  All of this together just made me feel like I didn't have the energy to drive up to Kaysville so I party pooped.  I don't think that I have felt quite this old before.  I am really looking forward to getting to sleep tonight.


I am a little intimidated by the coming week.  I usually don't like 'things' pressing on my schedule.  I like it when I have little or nothing scheduled and I can just take things as they come.  But somehow this week seems to be full of stuff.  Its not bad stuff, just stuff that has to be dealt with.  I get tired dealing with stuff.  I've done that for decades.  I want to retire and not have stuff that needs my attention.  I want to rest.  I want to sleep all day.  BUT that's not reality, and that's not me.  Let it come.  I'll take it on.  I'll do what I have to do.  If there's 'stuff' so be it.  And I know that I'll feel better in the morning.  So, bring it on.

 

It just turned midnight and I am still up.  I've been going back and forth all day about whether I would stay up late to watch the BYU rugby match in the semi-final national tournament.  It started after 10 and just before I looked on the computer and saw the score but I had already stayed up late so I decided to just finish it out.  With a wind BYU will play next Saturday at Rio Tinto Stadium against Cal for the national championship. Sheila came down a few minutes ago to have prayer with me and then she was off to bed.  She reminded that I have to get up early tomorrow (today!).  Sop I'll pretend that I am young and just do it and then crash after we get home from the block.  Had a surprise visit from Sherri and Cortney today.  They had a few moments between matches at her volleyball tournament so they came here and had lunch.  Short visit, but nice to see them.  I guess I am not really that young because my mind is a little fuzzy and needs to be put to bed, so I will say good night. 

Good Night.

I knew that I had to get up early for Marv and I also wanted to do my blog entry first thing before I got into my work day and forgot.  But I was surprised when I rolled out of bed at 5:55 a.m.  I showered and dressed after reading my chapter and doing my 41and I was in the office just after 7:30 a.m.  To my chagrin the blog was still down.  You would have seen that it did come up eventually and I did get Wednesday's entry retyped and my entry for last night.  Then I got to work.  Amid my preparation of stuff for Richard (I got Marv's papers ready last night.) I drove Sheila to her school and the did an errand.  Just before I got back home Sheila called and said that she got fired (just kidding) and I had to go back and pick her up.  Actually a mistake had been made and the job was double booked so they paid her for an hour and I got her back home.  I kept busy until Richard got here and then my worked shifted from busy to chaos as I was under the gun to get stuff ready asap for him to take and get done today.  As most of you know that is the way that my work works:  at some times it is piled high and demands immediate attention.  Richard helped out some and the work got done and he was off and I was able to have my breakfast.  The rest of the day has been more relaxing.  I still kept busy but the chaos was gone and it was down to laid back.  I drove Sheila around for 'rounds' with the deal that she would go and do the work that she does for me and I would drive her to Glover's Nursery in West Jordan.  She decided our dinner destination and we ended up eating at Joyluck Restuarant.  Then I turned into a couch potato and puddered around in the office until now and this. I will now go into semi-retirement for two days and try to be creative and productive and even have a little fun.  Looks like next week will be very different.  Watch and see what it brings to the 'founding parents'.

This entry will also show the date of May 13th, but this is the entry that I was going to do last night when I found that my blog system was down.  I just finished rewriting my Wednesday entry and now I have to catch up by doing my Thursday (the 12th) entry. 





Sheila was going upstairs and I walked over and I said, "I still love you even though you are a crin-i-mal!"
She had just confessed to me that while she was out doing some errands for me she had gotten a ticket for speeding in Midvale.  How is that for your grandma?  Actually it's no big deal.  And the policeman must have liked her a little to write it for less than what he said that she was driving.  I really can't hold it against her much, because her record in total is so much better then mine is.  And she reminded me that what comes around goes around.  So that is the last that I will say about that. 

It was nice to finally have some warm weather.  Sheilas opened the windows in our bathroom and bedroom and it was quite pleasant when I went to bed.  Before long I will find it too uncomfortable and need to turn on the air cooling system, but not quite yet.  But it can happen quickly.

Seem lie last night was so long ago.  I wonder what I would have written if my blog had worked.  I can't seem to remember much more about yesterday.  It seemed a good day.  I was very busy and felt good about the work I had to do and did.  So I'll consider myself caught up and do the 13th of Friday again in about nine hours.  see you later alligator

It's a weird time for me to do this.  But last night when I tried the whole blog thing was down.  Then when it finally came back online today I found that my Wednesday entry had been lost.  So I pulled out my hard copy and will retype it for you.
Wednesday, May 11. 2011
I don't unde4rstand Facebook.  I look at Sheila's once in awhile and all I see are snippets of information that I can't follow because they don't seem to have a beginning or an end.  It is amusing at times and I like the pictures.  But it is still outside of my comfort zone.  I have been doing a lot of thinking about my comfort zone lately.  With Sheila going out into the cruel world with her new job it has me thinking about my circumstances.  Today I asked Sheila why she thinks her job if fun and she said that she likes being 'out' and meeting new people and even learning new stuff.  She admits that some of the jobs that she has been doing are harder physically then she would like them to be.  And she would like to have more of the 'cashier' jobs which she trained for and is even looking at some kind of aide or assistant thing with a school that wouldn't be so physically demanding.  But for n ow it is still new enough that she'll do whatever comes along.  And it helps in the way that she looks at herself.  It makes her feel worthwhile.  That's where I start when I think about my circumstances.  I find it very easy to look part the mark, so to speak, and wonder if what I do makes a difference.  Is it just busy work that lets me hide out from trying to do something important?  I realize that it is what I have wanted it to be.  But I also wonder if there is something more.  I have never wanted to be 'out' in the world even though many things that I have done have taken me there.  I like being a bit of a recluse, but it has gotten old and I just wonder what things would be like with a few different circumstances.  I would very much like for us to go on a mission.  But it doesn't feel right, right now, and it doesn't seem possible either.  I have used the phrase before but it fits.  I feel an 'impending'.  I just don't have any clue as to what, where, how or when.  So for now I'll be happy for Sheila's new life and keep on trying to figure out Facebook.

I don't understand Facebook.  I look at Sheila's once in awhile and all I see are snippets of information that I can't follow because they don't seem to have a beginning or an end. It is amusing at times and I like the pictures.  But it is still outside of my comfort zone.  I have been doing a lot of thinking about my comfort zone lately.  With Sheila going out into the cruel world with her new job it has me thinking about my circumstance.  Today I asked Sheila why she thinks her job is fun and she said that she likes  being 'out' and meeting new people and even learning new stuff.  She admits that some of the jobs that she has been doing are harder physically then she would like them to be.  And she would like to have more of the 'cashier' jobs which she trained for and is even looking at some kind of aide or assistant thing with a school that wouldn't be so physically demanding.  But for now it is still new enough that she'll do whatever comes along. And it helps in the way that she looks at herself.  It makes her feel worthwhile.  That's where I start when I think about my circumstances.  I find it very easy to look past the mark, so to speak, and wonder if what I do makes a difference.  Is it just busy work that lets me hide out from trying to do something important?  I realize that it is what I have wanted it to be.  But I also wonder if there is something more.  I have never wanted to be 'out' in the world even though many things that I have done have taken me there.  I like being a bit of a recluse, but it has gotten old and I just wonder what things would be like with a few different circumstances.  I would very much like for us to go on a mission.  But it doesn't feel right, right now, and it doesn't seem possible either. I have used the phrase before but it fits.  I feel an 'impending'.  I just don't' have any clue as to what, where, how or when.  So for now I'll be happy for Sheila's new life and keep on trying to figure out Facebook.

We just finished watching 'our' show together.  That's the only time I can get my 'good wife' (pun intended) down here in my office for any length of time.  She has turned me into a computer monitor because she likes to check the school district web site all the time for jobs that she can accept or reject in her new career as a "nut sub cashi' (ask her what that  means).  I found one for her for Thursday earlier and she had had one for tomorrow, but turned it back in hopes of a better one.  And when we just checked there was one for tomorrow that appealed to her.  So we (she made up her mind and I clicked) accepted it and now she has to get up early again tomorrow and then again on Thursday.  The only bad part is that she won't be getting an early call from the computer tomorrow so that experience will have to wait for another time.  I am pleased that she finds this a new and appealing experience.  She says that it tires her out, but even though her feet hurt when she gets home she surely does seem to enjoy it.  Her first few times were very close schools and I was able to drop her off and pick her up so that I would have the car.  Today she was all the way up on 27th east and 7200 south to Butler Elementary School.  And tomorrow she'll be up on the east side of Sandy.  Same local different school on Thursday.  For her birthday today she got calls from most of the family, and she had a number of postings on Facebook.  And I took her to the Texas Roadhouse for dinner.  She did let me know that she does expect more our of this birthday and a show or another dinner is appropriate.  We'll have to see what turns up.  I can hardly believe that 1/2 of May is now history.  When that thought came to me today I was startled.  I had really lost track. You youngsters just won't be able to appreciate what its like to be old, until you are old.  But take it from me it is a whole nuther way of living.

I don't want to do this.  I'm tired and my mind is blank.  I have lost my mo jo.  But maybe, just maybe, it is a good thing that I do (write that is).  I would like to think so.  When I can think of something to write sometimes it surprises me and actually makes some sense.  Other times, well when you live a dull and boring life you record it as dull and boring.   And I have been doing that for years.  I dream more exciting stuff.  But my life, it doesn't compare.  I am ordinary, run of the mill, garden variety.  So with all of that how did I end up being married to Sheila and having the family that we have?  And for all of that I do have some peace.  I also have some hope about our life.  It isn't all ordinary.  It just feels that way sometimes.  And obviously right now is one of those times.   I search my mind for the goals that I really, really want and they are outside of this world, so that is my priority.  I know that I have to do certain things here and now, and I am engaged in doing those, but they are only a means to an end.  The real 'end' that I want is very real to me and always on my mind.  It just isn't very easy to measure day to day or to articulate.  So my very ordinary life in one dimension is actually extraordinary in another dimension.  I need to remember that.  When I do remember it changes everything.

One of our speakers in church this morning said that it was against the rules in his family to celebrate Mother's Day.  He explained that they figured that it ought to be celebrated ever day, not just on one day.  I kinda agree with him, but I am a pragmatist (whatever that is) and I go along with the celebration, although I admit that I don't actually do much of it myself.  I did ask Sheila what she wanted for this Mother's Day/birthday time while I was driving her over to her sister's, which was sort of a Mother's Day gift that she had expressed to me that she wanted.   I even let her stay long enough to actually talk with Jeannette (!) as well as deliver to her 7 chocolate dipped strawberrys. (She was only going to give her 3, but I shamed her into giving her more.)  It was raining so she decided against a trip to the cemetery which had also been on her list for today.  No, I didn't bring her breakfast in bed, and no, I didn't buy her any flowers or candy.  We did talk about a movie and going out to dinner on her birthday though.  And I only ate 1/2 of the cupcake that the ward relief society gave her at church!  She did receive several phone calls from you family and a visit from Richard and Kathy.  I suppose that we can even count Robert and Cicily showing up last night to get their kids as we had supposed the possibility of having to put them to bed and them getting picked up sometime during the night.  I wasn't a very romantic guy on this special day, but then I'm not that way on regular days either.  I did hep her with her computer generated employment opportunities and now she has 2 jobs for the coming week:  1 tomorrow for 2 hours, and and then a 4 hour 'gig' for her birthday (Tuesday).  And just before I started this entry I went out and stood in the drizzle to pump so we don't have to worry too much about the for the night.  (I hope!)  I had to get up early this morning, but the pressure is off for tomorrow morning.  I might just stay up later reading and pondering some heavy doctrine stuff that has been on my mind today.  Seems that just when I get ready to end my day and go to bed something turns on inside my head and I want to dip into the scriptures or the Ensign and nourish myself spiritually.  I like it a lot when I can do that.

I have so much on my  mind.  Thoughts run through my head and most don't seem to stick, but just keep on going, never to be remembered.  I do try to lasso some as they are passing through and I am successful some of the time.  Most of the ones that get away seem to be about improving and how to do a better job at living my life.   And most that I hold on to are about not doing more and better, but just maintaining the status quo.  Funny, isn't it?  It seems that my thoughts get comfortable and like to hang around as long as I don't challenge them or try to hassle them by improvement.  That's why change is such a hard thing.  We get too comfortable and that makes it easy to let better ideas just come and go without serious consideration.  I am guilty of that.

BUT, I have captured some and worked them into my reality on occasion and I figure that I am the better for it.  Sheila would agree, I believe, that we can point to certain attributes and character traits that have been honed and nurtured and are a part of me.  Once there they are not always obvious, but do come out and play on certain occasions.  When you get old and gray that process becomes more important because other processes are fading away and getting less and less, and because you actually chose to pursue them instead of other things that are more worldly and less valuable.  It's all part of this grand journey that is our life. I don't always do it well, but sometimes I have done it right and have been blessed by the results.

I really believe that I know a lot about what I need to do and about what is right and wrong.  But I find that I don't put my knowledge to work the way that I ought to. I usually think that I am wise, but if I define wisdom as putting knowledge into action then I am not as wise as I would like to be.  I simply get lazy and distracted sometimes, and I don't keep at it the way that I should.  I can excuse some of that because I am finding that just being 65 (almost) does have an affect.  But what I lose is offset by by years of experience and a lot of things are easier now then they were before.  And I have gained some good things along the way that add a positive too.  But the saying "where much is given, much is required" pops up to keep me humble and figure there is more to gain than what I have gained to date  And then the clincher is that just because one knows more, is wise in the application and has developed skills galore there is still no guarantee because life gets  more complicated and difficult just because that is what life does.  I heard someone say the other day that we look for stages to come which will change things for the better.  We say 'when I graduate' (Nicholas) or 'when we are married' (Richard) or 'when the kids come along' or 'when the kids move along' or when this or that. We have said that same thing since we were married, and we know that it is not true.  Sure stages come and go, but life stays pretty much the same.  It continues to test us, to try us and to aggravate us.  And our life seems somehow to take on its own life.  I can't explain that, but I believe that it has happened to me.  It's as though I am a bystander watching me live my life from some outside vantage point.  But whatever it is so be it.  I can't changed much of it but I can find 'serenity' in it, and move forward enjoying it for the odd, quirky deal that it is.  I wish the same for you!

One thing that I hear is that some people think that a good aspect of a job is that each day is different and even unpredictable.  'Every day is different' they say implying that a same-old-same-old job is boring and not desirable.  I have long felt that my 'job' is different each day, but after 4 decades it seems to be nothing new and its hard to see anything different in what comes around each day.  Being the same stuff does help one become good at it because you have done it so many times.  So it becomes a balancing act between becoming  bored with the same routine and seeing it as being efficient and just doing what has to be done.  One advantage of working at home is that I can take time off in little bits and add to my day by reading, studying, watching tv or other stuff that is available to me here.  Last night I wrote about looking at a web site about famous Mormons.  I found it again today and learned some new and interesting facts.  And then every once in a while I get a lot of new work come in so that I have more to do then I can get done in a day.  I guess every morning  (night) is a bit of a surprise because I never know what will come in when Richard gets back from his rounds in the evening or when he or I (or Sheila) get back from going to Cullimore's in the morning and/or afternoon.  That's what happened this morning about 10 when Richard got back from doing my morning errands for me (post office and Cullimore's).  Things have been a little slow there this week but he walked in with enough new work to really change today and the next few days as I get the work prepared and out to be worked.  I do this thing when that happens though.  If I don't have enough work I complain to myself and when I have lots, enough to keep me real busy, well, I complain to myself then too.  I guess I'm just not happy unless I am complaining.   I am working on that.  So there I was today.  Getting the new stuff ready right away for Richard was real hectic because he was waiting and I had to get it done as fast as I could.  When he left the office I was able to finally break to eat breakfast (is it still breakfast when its lunch time?).  And then I buckle down and plan my work and then work my plan.  I try to do it in an order by thinking who would be next to go out and work a certain area.  Charles tonight, Jim in the morning, Robert when he gets back into town, or Marv on the days that he will work if I have work for him to do.  I always enjoy the actual routine of work better if I have in mind the ones who will directly benefit themselves (and , of course, benefit me). My office is small and my business small too, but it has worked well for us for a long time.  It would be nice, and interesting to me to hear from any of you about your memories of being involved with my work, and what you thought of that at the time and now as you look back on it.  Am I crazy to think that each of you did gain something good from the jobs that I asked you to do?  Why don't you think about it and let me know what comes in to your mind.

Sometimes I just make choices that don't lead me to where I want to be.  I've been watching this ball game on tv and figuring all along that 'my' team would win.  But I'm not stupid.  There is no way now so I turned it off and now all of a sudden I am getting tired fast so I want to end my day and get to bed.  (Maybe I'm the real jinx!!)
You know, I read what I write and last night I wrote that I had been a slacker as far as my exercise routine.  So tonight I forced myself to do a full 60 minutes on my stationary bike.  It wasn't too hard so I guess I hadn't lost too much but maybe it does take more energy then I think.  Anyway, I usually feel the benefits more the next day, so we'll see how I feel tomorrow.  I have written before: "I confess that I am affected by the climate."  What that means to me is that I am human and the things that happen do have an affect on me.  I sometimes let it affect me too much and get down on myself or feel badly for a while.  Like right now.  I did want 'my' team to win, but that is certainly one of those things that I have absolutely no control over.  It shouldn't bother me, but it does.  Usually a night's sleep puts it behind me and generally I wake up in a positive mood.  I try to be wise enough to see it for what it is and just move on.  How can I let something affect me that doesn't affect me, if you know what I mean.  There's enough disappointment in the things that I do have some control over that I can't afford to take on the other stuff. 

I got on a website tonight about famous Mormons.  It had some interesting information.  Lots to be disappointed over with people who were once and are not now.  It makes me sad.  How can something that is so very important to me be so unimportant to them.  But it is interesting to read a little of why they make their choices, and most seem to know the choices that they make.  But then it also shows the value of the gospel.  If it were so easy and didn't actually require anything then it wouldn't give much in return, would it?  I wish something more for all of 'them', but there again is something that I have absolutely no control over.

Sheila tells me that I have turned into a night owl.  That conversation started when Robert called to say that he was still coming here to drop off some papers, but would be later so he asked if she was keeping me up late.  I had heard a few similar comments recently from the kids about my sleep habits.  I do admit that it was not unusual for me to go to bed earlier almost every night.  I'm not quite sure what changed, but things surely are different for me now.  I am staying up later and it seems so normal and I'm not tired like I was before.  She has actually gone to bed before me a few times recently and that is different.  The only thing that I can think of  why that is is that I am not doing my exercises as faithfully as I was then.  Now I try to be active throughout my work day and I still faithfully do my push ups so I feel physically in good shape.  If I have a task that requires getting up and walking to the copy machine I will do it every time I make a copy instead of finishing one part and then doing copies all at once.  That gets me up and down 30 to 50 to even more times in a day.  Maybe that doesn't sound like much, but it seems to work for me.  Also I don't understand how doing my push ups morning and night would be so beneficial, but it sure seems to be.

We both went to Cortney's game tonight and I guess that grandma really is a jinx.  (just kidding!)

Sherri said that Nicholas went on his trip to Florida more to play then to compete.  Seems his partner didn't go and the substitute wasn't as strong, so maybe he just decided to relax do the job and take advantage of being in Florida.  I wonder haw his last few weeks of high school will be.  I never did take high school very seriously.  (I didn't take college seriously either!)  Right now we have lots of you anxious for the school year to be done and gone.  Sharon for one.  I'm so glad that school is always is out for me, but don't ever take that to mean that I think that my education is over.  In that way I believe that I am a better student now then I ever was then.  That could be my thought for today:  School may finally come to an end (really it will) but you should never stop learning.

I was walking out of Alta High School where I had been to watch Cortney's ball game.  Russ and Spencer were there too.  The game was a pretty close one but in the end Cortney's team was the better team and ended up winning by more then 10 points.  As I was walking down the hallway some folks who had been cheering for the opposition were leaving too.  I was not impressed by their attitude or their conversation.  It seemed that they believed that the game was decided by the refs and not the players.  I was tempted to say something, but I knew that it wasn't worth it.  I used to think that I could persuade others with my arguments, especially when I was pretty sure that I was right.  But I know now that being right or what is true has little to do with some people's view of life.  I try not to judge them, but they make it so easy when the act stupid like that.  It would seem that they go through life blaming everything on everyone else and do not take any kind of responsibility for themselves.  In the end I just feel sorry for them.  I would rather take more responsibility then I should then not take enough.I hope that we have taught our children that truth.  I believe that we have.  I know that we have. That concept is my thought for the day.  I believe that successful people feel responsible for their own lives and I believe that our kids are pretty good  examples of living that way.

Russ showed me a text that he had received for Nicholas in Florida.  It say that he felt that their presentation had gone well, but that they won't know the results until tomorrow. I found a comment from Nicholas about Sheila job.For his information she is a 'nutrition something' not a 'lunch lady' and she has been training at the Crescent View Middle School, but could end up on an given day at any school in the Canyons School District.  It is only a part time substitute gig and she can control when she works.  Her first day (last Friday) she brought me home part of a sandwich.  I expected the same today, but it is against the rules so I guess I won't be seeing that again.  All I care is that she has fun and feels good about being a working mother. (?)

Today is the 1st day of a new week.  It is also the 1st day of a new month.  When last you heard from me I was ending a long and full day of family and exertion both mental and physical.  In other words:  I was hammered and I needed some sleep.  So I pooped the party and went to bed before everyone had gone home and I heard Sheila telling the grand kids to quiet down because grandpa had gone to bed.  Not counting a couple of wake-ups during the night the next thing that I remember is the alarm going off at 6:30 a.m.  That doesn't often happen.  Anyway it woke me from a sound sleep and I was up and busy doing all the things that I do to start my day.  Because it was a new month I did my 41 and then because it was Sunday I shaved my face.  The next several hours were a bit of a blur as I attended choir practice and we attended the block.  Sheila was such a hit with her Sunbeams that it took a while for us to get home where we found Sharolyn and the girls about ready to embark on their return trip home.  Then the house became quiet for a while.  In fact, Sheila and I spent some time talking about some good gospel principles for the priesthood lesson in my quorum.  It was edifying for me and I hope for her as well. 

Before long family began showing up for part two of our weekend celebration of Mother's Day and Sheila's birthday.  We had another splendid time together.  During the lesson  from Shelli and Phil on 'patience' I gave out my thought for the day. " The opposite of patience may be impatience, but it could also be defined with the word: selfish." 

Just as with the night before our family time drained the energy out of me.  It also made me wish for a situation where we could afford to pack up the whole family and take them some where nice for a vacation.  But that seems as impossible because of logistics as it does because of funding.  This family has just gotten so large that it presents challenges we could not imagine in our early years.  And it is only going to get harder.

Despite my frustrations I do realize the great blessing that we have in our family.  We see it as a wonderful and good thing and indeed we feel like we have made the world a better place by sharing with Heavenly Father the task of our multiplying the earth.  It goes to Him, but we have been able to share in this great blessing and we are the better for it, and we sincerely feel that the world is a better place because of it also.  The best part of it all is that it isn't over by a long shot.  There is so very much yet to come, and we hope to be around it far as long as the Lord will allow.