I could have written, but I didn't because my morning was filled with something else.  I have had these two things sitting on my desk for several weeks and this week I decided that I needed to just do them.  I had a medical report from the state about my health and ability to drive that I needed to get to my doctor to sign and send in so they don't revoke my driving license.  So I got that in with Richards help on Tuesday.  I have had the letter about renewing my license too.  I prepared everything (I thought) and figured to get up and ready so I could drop Sheila off at her work and get to the state office by 7 and get it handled early so as to not bother my work day.  And so I did except I assumed something would work and it did not.  So I had to drive home, hunt up a suitable form and go back.  I actually spent very little time 'there' waiting, but two trips took up enough time to put me out of the mood and behind just enough so that I just got to work.  But I do now have the ugliest d.l. picture ever.  I can't wait until I get my new card with it on!  But 2 tasks are now marked off so I can concern myself with the other trillion things I am presently working on.  With a weekend full of family stuff we are trying to think of something just for us come this Monday holiday.  With us being old and boring it presents quite a challenge here in geezer ville.  We'll see how it turns out.

I guess that it is time for me to confess my newest thing.  I have been 'into' it for a while now, but I learned yesterday that it has been around for centuries and even though I have my own slant on it it still falls under a type of yoga that has been practiced for centuries.  I do my own version during the night while I am almost sleeping and I find it very rewarding.  I called it the 'art of stretching' but when I googled it yesterday it came up tied to yoga and Tai Chi and Rolfing (whatever that is).  I want to study it out lots more, but I will continue refining my own way of doing it and I hope to continue feeling the rewards and in the end actually see some results of this 'exercise'.  It is pretty much like anything else that I learn:  there are always more questions then answers.  There just is so much to learn, even about the most basic of subjects.  I guess that I have been around awhile and my conclusion is so cliche but true:  The more that I come to know, the more I realize how much I don't know.

 

It seems like a duty right now, more then a habit.  But I have begun because I am now twenty words into my latest entry.  I guess that I can accurately describe it as an exercise of faith, a leap into darkness or an exercise of the unknown because so far I have no clue as to what I will write.   --pregnant pause--  I want so much to have an influence for good, to make a difference, but I also believe that the more I do and the better I get the more humility becomes real and defined for me.  I am beginning to truly understand what it is and especially what it does.  And I am becoming more, but thinking about 'it' less.  I am becoming stronger, but more dependent on strength for another source.  I see me actually increasing by actually decreasing.  If all of that makes sense to you you understand what I am feeling.  I am always trying to dissect words to understand what they mean and what I mean as I use them and 'humility' is one deep word.  Perhaps my best understanding of it is that you don't use it to describe yourself.  That has to come from somewhere else.  You know, if you claim it then you really don't have it. So understanding its true meaning you 'pursue' it in a really different manner.  Like going after something by not going after it.  So I have plenty before me on this Tuesday.  My best wishes for each and all of 'you-all'.

Monday morning again.  I am happy to report that our Sunday was good. I feel like I (we) am beginning to make this mission mine.  By circumstances beyond our control we were left on our own to handle the duties after the block.  One couple came and left early because Kathy had a migraine and Robert and Kandace had a funeral to attend (Jewish) so they left early.  We were able to meet the challenge because Sheila knew what she was doing and I was smart enough to let her do it.  We (she) ended up doing 2 food orders and I did some logistics with our files to help them be better organized and to help me know better the people that receive the service that we are there to give.  I also had the opportunity to meet several new people and continue to fall in love with the members of this unique ward family (which now includes us!).  I find that I do have a bit of a wall that I use for protection, but it is fast becoming obsolete in this new situation.  These folks are so warm, genuine and accepting that there isn't any need for my hesitancy.  I believe that I am slowing coming around.   I also believe that it is really starting to work on me.  But that will really be for all of you to judge as time goes on.  Funny thing though:  I am not able to really judge if we are giving any good service to 'them' because the thing that reverberates for me is what I see being done to and for 'me'!.

I have to do this.  I see reason not to do it, and I don 't feel like it is a great accomplishment, but it is a small accomplishment and perhaps that is all I need to begin my day.  I can build on that.  It is possible that something I write may actually matter to someone, but if not, it does  matter to me.  After all, it is my life that I am recording and right now some pretty interesting things are taking place for me and the wife.  Before I started this I reviewed Shelli's blog and Cicily's and then Facebook.  I found a picture of a drawing on Facebook that I printed off for Sheila.  It was a of an old man and an old women, holding hands and walking.  He had a cane and she had a large purse.  The caption said:  "The most romantic love story isn't Romeo and Juliet who died together...but grandpa and grandma who grew old together".  And I get to do that and have her as my missionary companion too!  

 

Yesterday was a hard and long day in the office.  But I got the jobs done and even though I have some work for today we do have options.  So we have some decisions to make.  Tonight we will be attending a 10th Ward bar-b-que, so it is our day that we need to schedule.  Tomorrow it will be a full missionary Sunday, so today is an opportunity waiting to be taken.  We will need to decide together what we be doing.  It feels good to have options and not be driven by the work for a change.  I'll let you know how our Saturday shapes up.

Here I am again.  Friday morning.  I'm not sure if I'm writing to postpone having to get to work or if I have something important to say.  I did have a new thought earlier as I was getting ready.  Last night I finished reading the Book of Mormon again, so this morning I read Mose 1.  It contains my mostest favorite verse in 39.  You know:  this is my work and glory.  Well, I was taught a new take on it.  Here it is:  Our Father is Heaven seems to be more concerned with our schooling then with our graduation.  At least that is where he spends his time with me (and you).  I am sure that He will be very pleased when we are 'there'.  But our here and now has His complete attention and He is walking with us through each day and each experience and every facet of our 'schooling'.  The rest will take care of itself, but right now is when I, for one, really need and appreciate His help.  Knowing that new nugget of truth does change the way that I look at today, and tomorrow.....

I am beginning to grasp a little bit more about who I am these days.  Last night we did our Wednesday night missionary thing and I felt quite useless.  Mostly I just sat around being quiet and trying to learn about what it is that I am (or will be) doing.  And yet when I take the time to try to take in the bigger picture I see that our blessings have not only kept up, but are actually way ahead of schedule.  It is as though we are getting executive pay for peasant work (which peasant work I, as yet, am not able to actually do during my training).  I just show up and it is enough.  I look to be there soon, but I am not there yet, and it is enough.  My baby steps seem to be compensated as if they were giant steps.  It is enough even though I, myself, am not 'enough', yet.  So, here in my office I am 'enough'.  I am competent and efficient and experienced.  Hopefully, that will also be the case sooner then later in my role where 'I carry a badge'.

Wow!  Three days in a row and today even earlier then yesterday.  And my exercise regimen worked better today then ever before so I actually do feel 'invigorated' right now.  Sheila is about off to her work and it should be better in day 3 then it has been as it has been making strides day 1 and 2.  They seem to be getting the hang of it and will continue to improve.  My decision to write was influenced by Cicily who overloaded on her blog with way too much stuff for one time.  She was on her computer for hours last night to do all of that.  While I was sleeping she was recording memories.  Me, I have fallen into morning for me and maybe one day I will be able to do it with pictures.  But maybe not too.  I wonder what it is supposed to be like for us.  Here we are married 44 years, newly called as church service missionaries and still working and growing.  We are overwhelmed with so much to do with and for family that we are forced to pick and choose.  (that is the hardest part) Yet we feel good about our 'school' which did not go into summer recess and has gotten harder and more rewarding steadily and continually now for all of those 44 years.  The neatest thing about our present call in that school of learning is the fact that I have my own very special favorite and perfect missionary companion!  She makes it all so pleasant, fun, worthwhile, possible and absolutely perfect.  Here I am, working my way through schooling for my higher degree and loving every minute of it.

It's even a bit earlier this morning.  We both hope that Sheila's 2nd day @ work will go better then yesterday.  Her description when she got home after the 1st day was that it was a 'zoo'. It seems that the school administrators were astounded at the number of 6th graders.  I suggested that being able to count is a skill that should have been employed early on thus preventing the emergency actions that were required.   As for me, the blessings seem to be doing the Malachi thing and not only do I not have room for them I also see my time being taxed as well.  I'm not sure just how I will deal with it all, but that sounds too much like complaining and I am not doing that.  After my 'commute' I can just be here in my home/office and fumble along as best I can.  Course that which hovers over me is as much the taskmaster as is the case with Sheila or any of you.  I have my work and I have my new lesson to ponder and I have all of these new responsibilites  to consider and to merge into our life's plan.  Certainly it is enough, and yet we did ask for more and now that we have it we will struggle with it for a time and then maybe something even more will come along.  I figure that we are really not so different from any of you.  It's just that our particulars are different.  But the test remains much the same.  Right now my test is Tuesday.  What's yours?

It's Monday morning just after 7.  Sheila is off to work, but this time will only be working her 'regular' 3 1/2 hour shift so I had her drive and expect her back later this morning.  I hope that she is able to figure our how to best use the new set up and find the best way to do her job.  She has been fretting some about that.  Me, I have lots of work sitting on my desk from Friday and Saturday waiting for me.  But I chose to continue my day doing this and then 'that'.  My mind is full of names and faces and impressions and ideas from our first full block and Sunday at our 'new' ward.  Sorting it all out is taking some time and there is so much to learn and remember.  I am mostly thinking about people and names.  We feel a responsibility to learn it all as quickly as we can.  We are both quite serious about this calling.  We want to really do it well.  It will take all that we can give it and more, but we are excited to do it.  It will be a real challenge to do all we can do 'there' and still do what we have to do 'here', because none of the 'here' is going away.  So, naturally, we feel overwhelmed, but in the most positive of ways.  I feel that we have felt direction and inspiration in our preparation for and now in this calling.  We find it hard to explain the specifics.  Its like 'you have to be there', but we hope to be able to share the power of what we are encountering, especially as our time goes on and we actually get better at doing what we will do.  

It's Sunday morning just before 7.   I got up and checked the alarm to see what time Sheila had it set for.  It will go off at 7:30 and that will give us sufficient time to be ready to leave after 9 for our first real missionary day at the 10th ward.  I felt like my best use of my time after reading my chapter was to come down here and write a 'chapter'.  I checked the 'sites' (nothing new this morning) and watched a wonderful church video about 'God so loved the world' posted by a sister in our 'old' ward and it brought tears to my eyes and so I feel quite wonderful as I start this day.  If we can do anything at all to help His work even in our most humble effort it can be a good day.  Regardless of that our day will be good because we will spend the evening with family, in this case celebrating Sharon's birthday and enjoying a free  meal.  We were there yesterday for Alexi's 14th birthday balloon and breakfast celebration and then spent the rest of the day recuperating from our long and busy week by just lounging around and watching tv together while doing what needed doing in order to be ready for today.  I have been reviewing what I know about all that is currently going on family-wide.  I wish we could take it all in, but we can't.  But I do hope to catch up on it a lot more tonight.  By then we will have had our first experience with the 10th Ward for a Sunday block-plus, and how much we will have to share I know not. but I do anticipate that we will be different then from right now (Sheila is sleeping!) as we are different now from yesterday morning early before gathering at Herriman. Seems like every day is full of new lessons, experiences and growth and I really am amazed at the changes that I believe have happened to me.  I don't know if anyone else would concur, but I am astonished!  I hope to keep on trying to figure it all out, but the journey feels absolutely wonderful.

Just got back from dropping the wife off at 13133 (her new school's address) so that I could have the car today.  She is looking to pull a whole day shift and work until around 3.  That has been the plan this week, but it hasn't worked that way.  This new school is not even close to being ready and the kitchen, well, let's just say that it was designed by management not the kitchen help.  When her alarm went off at 6 we both moved into action.  I checked her phone and found the message from Sharolyn that announced her safe arrival in North Dakota just before 12 last night.  Then we looked to today and our weekend which will prove to be busy, busy and even more busy.  In the morning is our 'Alexi celebration' and on Sunday is our first full blown church experience in our new life.  That night is Sharon's birthday bash and Monday is our FHE group get together.  Life seems to have shifted gears and even though I expected it it has still caught me a bit off guard.  Everything seems to have ratcheted up a notch or more and I am trying hard to make the necessary attitude adjustments.  And I know that one day I will get to see that hummingbird!  Have a wonderful, productive day.

Just sent off Sharolyn, AmandaRae, Aubree, Autumn and Christopher David.  They started the long drive to North Dakota and this new journey of adventure in their lives.  We gathered for prayer and a family hug to send them off and our most fervent prayers go with them.  We will be apart again, but closer now too.  In our new adventure we are becoming better at life's finer and spiritual things and that also makes our family more special to us too.  Last night we got our first taste of the reality that is our mission.  It was quite an experience.  Hard to really describe it, but even amid all of the inner city missions ours will be unique.  I see now why there was so much vagueness from those trying to describe it to us.  But I am really beginning to see it for the great experience of learning that it will be.  Of course the subject matter is mostly people, folks, human beings, 'block 2' (ask me) and our extended and eternal family and the very different struggles (or the same struggles of different individuals).  Already we have encounter some real characters.  Some of them are members of this new ward and some of them are our fellow missionaries.  It is all part of what to me is my own personal experience and journey.  I do see outward, but I also see so much inward for me.  Maybe the proper balance of that equation is my perfect challenge.  Can't see outward without proper inward vision nor be proper inward without proper outward understanding.  Wow!  Does that sound deep to you too?  Got a small taste of that already and I am properly excited about the great meal that is still to come.

I can't quite put my finger on it, but something is different about me (us).  Something good has happened and I notice it and am trying to understand it perzactly.  I am wise enough to know that it is a result of our new calling with the accompanying priesthood blessing, a new level of spirituality due to our commitment and diligence and I also figure that our badge has something to do with it.  But there is still much for me to try and understand.  We haven't even really done anything yet, but still we are different enough for me to notice.  And I have to say that it feels good, real good.  I wrote this last entry about being called to the perfect assignment for us.  It feels that way even more, and I am beginning to be able to replace my fears with my faith.  I don't quite understand that process much either, but I am aware of it too.  We are no longer on that 'verge'.  We are in a new 'zone' with new horizons to explore and new 'equipment' to master.  And this 'geezer' feels like a young kid just off to his first days at school looking forward to such a great, new adventure. 

So much has happened since last I wrote (last Thursday).  In that entry our bestest experience to record was going to the temple (1) and seeing the new temple film (1-a).  But in the 4 days since so much has happened.  Saturday and Sunday were long training days.  Saturday afternoon the actual assignments were made.   I had bee anxious about our specific assignment.  So much of what we will be doing depended on that.  I watched our 'mission president' during the times that he (with others) was doming in and out during their deliberation time.  I knew that he had a great responsibility to find revelation in behalf of the 13 couples there being trained to serve.  When the moment finally came it was done alphabetically so we were last.  He said that we were assigned to the Salt Lake Sugarhouse Stake 10th Ward.  Shortly the training session ended and we decided to drive by the wardhouse.  It is at 420 s 800 e and one that I have noticed over the years due to its age.  We found and read the historic site plaque and looked in the window as we walked around it.  It looked grand inside from what little we could see.  After the training ended on Sunday we drove by again planning on finding someone there in an open building.  It was as we expected, but our tour and visit with an executive secretary and finally the Bishop plus a wonderful first visit with 'Kandace', one of the current missionaries (and later her husband 'Robert' [not Bob or Rob]) was even more enlightening and provoking.  We actually begin tomorrow night, but 'it' has been on our mind much since Sunday afternoon.  This old ward (really, really old ward) intrigues us.  I have thought and felt much about our 'call'.  And we both really feel absolutely convinced that this is our right place.  We still don't know all that is ahead, but we are excited.  It is like all our my first days at school rolled up into one.  Plus all of the new apartments and homes added in.  I know that I am some what of a contrary and skeptical to boot.  I was slow coming around, but I have made the turn.  But, to quote BYU football:  we are fully invested.  This will be one of the hardest, bestest things that we do.

Despite our busy, busy week we took time last night to go to the temple.  We were with Jeannette and Wally and we also went to be able to see the new temple film.  Most of my thoughts since and I suspect for today will be because of that film and how it teaches so much more and better then the 'old' film did.  Not that the 'old' film was not good, but this new one is really wonderful.  It tells the story in a way that adds so much to our understanding.  I was especially taken with Adam and Eve (and this new Lucifer) and the way their story was expressed.  One conclusion was that I believe that it is reasonable to conclude that all of us saw and knew what they (especially Eve) went through and we agreed with the decisions that were made.  We may sometimes back away from that, but we knew, and we wanted our lives in spite of our understanding of all of the consequences.  I found my experience of this new film to be quite extraordinary.   I encourage you to find out for yourselves sooner rather then later. 

Sheila and I are on a 'verge'.  Our life is about to change drastically.

We are ready.  We are anxious, and a little bit scared, but bring it on!  At least I will have something to write about.  (Hoping that someone will actually read what I write--please more then 8 following of which I am one!).

One of my most important things for me to learn is how to recognize things of the spirit. When I find and recognize inspiration which I act on and then it is verified for me to actually have been a subtle whispering it is one of my most important things for me to learn.  And just the power of that influence in my life is always at the top of my list of things that I want to know, learn and become.  I find that 'it' defines the word 'subtle'.  It is for sure 'still' and 'small' and rarely pushes to be recognized.  One must search for it in a sincere, feeling way.  Last night was a great example in my life as well as in Sheila's.  We were set apart as missionaries for our Innercity calling.  Since then I have been able to feel a difference.  It is subtle and still and small, but it is certain and engaging and powerful.  Our actual assignment is still future, but our calling is now official.  We don't have the name tags, but we have the power and the mantle and a responsibility.  I find it difficult to describe all of the different ways that I feel (and I am sure that I can speak for my companion too) but it is definitely real and enabling.  Maybe I can actually, finally become that kind of spiritual person that I envision.  At least I know that this morning I am different and I know from whence it came.  Now we'll see what I do with it and what it can do with me!

I know that I have neglected this blog a lot this past week.  Its funny.  I have so much going on that is really intense and changing for me (and mine) yet it seems like I am not able to stand back and see it clearly enough to describe it.  I know that 'it' is happening and each day I actually feel different (in a good way) but it is as though the ride is too fast and furious for me to take the time to make any observations about it that would make sense when recorded.  Even my so called down time is full and hectic and don't conducive to 'blog time'.  Right now I am finishing up a really busy week and find that even with most of the family gone off to Yellowstone that all of this new life pattern of mine is still hard to really break down into words.  Yet I practically forced myself to do this here and now because I feel it as a need like so many other forces that 'need' me to face and do.  The word that comes back again and again is 'overwhelming' and that describes it best.  I don't claim exclusiveness in that because I figure we all have a very full life right now.  That seems to be the way of things in these, our 'last days'.  Maybe there is more to that then I realize.  In a way it is scary to me, and I am a bit uncomfortable with that.  But there is also so much goodness along with that that I am excited to get up each day and see what comes along.  I wonder if and when I look back on my present state how will I describe it with the hindsight that will come then having lived through it and hopefully passed the test and become whatever it is that this current test of mine is trying to make me become.