I've been sitting upstairs with a house full of family. We were at the dessert part eating strawberry shortcake and rice krispie squares when it hit me.  I need to go to bed.  Its been a long day for me with little else but family.  I can't court anything as  work but I guess I can count some time in serious pondering which I have enjoyed.  But with Robert and family here this morning for breakfast and then their Easter egg hunt and others starting shortly thereafter and lasting until now (and probably beyond my bedtime) my time has been full and rewarding.  I have enjoyed myself and I especially liked the book that the kids and grand kids gave to Sheila for Mother's Day. I have well spent my energy.  I thought that the Easter egg hunt in the afternoon, which we were able to have outside because this morning's snow finally melted, was one of our best.  I can still see Linzi climbing the tree to retrieve the egg that Robert had placed there when he was here earlier.  Also, we were able to announce that Cicily is pregnant.  We had known for a few days, but were asked to keep it quiet until she gave us permission this morning.  So with Shauni due in July (hoping for June) and Cicily due in November that make 2011 special for 2 more reasons.  The only thing I would have wanted in addition is for Nicholas to have been here.  Instead, he is in Florida in a business related high school competition.  It is almost time for him to be graduated and off out into the cold, cruel world.  As for me, I've been in that same cold, cruel place now for for almost 45 years.  I don't know if I love it but IT IS WHAT IT IS and I'll settle for being here as long as I can continue to have my family around me as I fumble my way through it hoping and heading for something more and better in the future.

My thought for today:  'Your task to build a better world',  God said, I answered 'How?'  'The world is such a large place, so complicated now, and I so small and useless am, there's nothing I can do.'  But God in all His wisdom said, 'Just build a better you.'

Boy, did my day throw me a curve.  Last night I wrote that I would have to be creative to find things to do to keep busy.  And then throughout the night I thought of some things that I could do to meet my own criteria of being productive and profitable.  Then when I got to Friday it turned out differently.  I got a call from a new client and went and picked up some new papers after I dropped Sheila off for her first day of work.  It wasn't a great number, but enough to keep me working on them until 2 o'clock.  That was just in time to go pick up Sheila after her 3 hour shift.  Other then that my day was pretty quiet.  So now I still have in my mind's list the tasks that I though of last night that I still need to try to get to some time soon.  And tonight Richard threw me another curve.  He ended up not coming back to the office tonight so I will have work dumped on me tomorrow afternoon with little time to get it done timely.  It's okay.  I'm pretty used to life doing its own thing.  I just take it as it comes and don't worry about what it isn't.  Hey, that's my saying for today:  IT IS WHAT IT IS. I've used that before so it isn't new to me, but it is a good one from my arsenal. 

I got a divorce paper in this afternoon that Sheila brought when she did a few errands for me.  As I was looking through it to get it prepared I found a blog that had a picture from just last year at their wedding at the Draper Temple.  It bothered me to be aware of there situation that had fallen to where it is now and where it is headed.  I have dealt with our two and I see good things from them and better in the future.  But I also know what it brings and I don't want anyone to have to suffer that way.  But you know:  IT IS WHAT IT IS.  And I can and will live with that because I try to practice the first part of the serenity prayer:  GOD, GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS THAT I CANNOT CHANGE.

I'm going to start out with my saying tonight:  HAPPINESS ISN'T HAVING WHAT YOU WANT; HAPPINESS IS WANTING WHAT YOU HAVE.  I believe that to be true and it is a lot deeper thought then one might first imagine.  So think about it and let it sink into your 'little gray cells'.

Sheila left a little while ago to go and try to find a hairnet to buy.  She starts her new job tomorrow and will be training as a cashier, but she will still need to wear a hairnet.  I feel good about her having this new experience.  She needs to be out mingling with people instead of just me.  Maybe that will be part of my 'impending' too, but that will be known only when the impending impends.

Apparently the month of April is about over.  I will have to up my output to 41 and if I don't think about it much it doesn't seem difficult.  It's only when I over think it that it seems too hard.  But after all it is only one more then I am currently doing now, morning and night.

I just heard the patter of 'bigger' feet  upstairs so I imagine that my wife is back home.  (unless a burglar has walked though the back door).  I am betting that she found her item.  (She did - I asked and she told me.)  As for me you may have noticed the time that I am doing this.  I am going to try and be in bed a lot earlier tonight then I have for a while.  I have to be up for Marv again tomorrow and then try to figure out how to fill my time because right now I don't seem to have much work that needs to be done.  I will try and be creative and figure out something productive and hopefully profitable too.  I'll let you know how well I do. 

We were just walking out to get in the car and drive to Bingham High School to watch Cortney's ball game.  The phone rang and it was Russ telling us that the game time was actually 6:50 p.m. instead of 6:00 p.m.  So now we had time for dinner.  I had told Sheila that I would wait on dinner for the 6 o'clock game, but now I couldn't wait that long and now we had time if we hurried.  Sheilas pulled her magic and got a nice tasty meal ready just in time for us to hurry and eat and then hurry over to the game, which started about 5 minutes late so we were in time.  I was surprised that we were Cortney's only family fans there.  The bleachers soon became too hard for me and I got down on the court and walked and down the far side watching the game.  They play a Bingham team which had 10 players who looked older and they kept subbing in 5 at a time about every 4-5 minutes.  Cortney's team got an early lead but fell behind by half time.  In the 2nd half they were behind by as many as 10. And frankly I began to see them losing the game.  Cortney play well throughout the game and scored 5 or 7 points in the 1st half and added several assists and a couple of steals.  After sitting our about 5 minutes she came back into the game about 8 minutes left and down by about 8.  Slowly her team chipped away and tied it up with less then a minute to play.  Bingham hit 2 free throws to go up by 2 and with 13 seconds left Cortney drove the length of the floor against the half court defense (in other words, not a fast break like last week to win the game) and scored to tie the game and force overtime.  In the overtime Bingham scored to baskets and I learned that the overtime wasn't being timed because it was the 1st team to score 5 points wins. Cortney's team scored a bucket to make it 48 to 46.  Then Bingham had about a zillion chances and even 2 free throws to score the winning point.  I'll say that Cortney got the rebound but my memory may be faulty (she did get several rebounds during the 2nd half mostly) but Cortney did get the ball after a time out and controlled it under very good defensive pressure before drawing the defenders away and then throwing bake to Kaylie ? (Kylie?) who shot a long 3 and "nothing but net" to win the game.  We celebrated with Cortney and concluded that grandma is not a jinx as she had supposed so she can keep attending the games and maybe will actually be good luck in the future.  I came home ready to get some work done, but was completely out of the mood so I had another dinner watched a little TV and now I'm going to bed still way past my bedtime, but earlier then I have for the past week plus.  My saying for today:  In life there is too much to gain to lose.

All of a sudden the Laker game is losing interest for me.  I can't see New Orleans coming back and winning, so I will turn my attention to my journal entry and then get ready for bed.  I have had a very full day.  I believe its been one of my better days in a long time.  Part of that goes to Cortney's 2 ball games that I went to tonight.  Her team won both and she did very well.  I really enjoyed watching her have fun. Another part goes to me working hard and getting a lot done from about 7:30 am when I got into the office until around 4 or 4:30 when I got done with it for the day. Then I left for the games at about 5:30.  Sheila had a headache that kept her home and trying to get it to go away.  She said that she did feel better but she got up real early and I have kept her up late tonight.  Actually, I haven't kept her up.  She stays up late on her own. I'll bet that she'll say that she napped enough so that she's not tired yet.  She told the ladies at the temple that she is going to work and it may interfere with her temple calling.  She got some different reactions from strange (Teryn) to 'please don't go' (Sister Chapman).  I don't want her to work, but I believe that its more then just the money that we can use.  It is time for her to enjoy some new experiences in her life.  It will be complicated but I want her to be all that she can be (she's already way ahead of me).  As for me I am still waiting for my 'impending'.  Don't know when, how or what or even if, but I just feel something is going to happen.  Until then all I can do is meet each day as it comes.  Let's see, my saying foe today is "THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE NOT THINGS."

My day is catching up to me.  I guess I didn't rest enough on my day of rest and I have been napping a lot today.  Then we went to a ward member's home for dinner with our family home even group and I feasted on fine food and even had dessert which I don't normally have and I am feeling the effects of that too.  (eating a lot makes me drowsy)  So add my two 'drowsies' and I am ready to go to bed.  If the game on TV was more interesting to me I might fight harder to stay up, but Oklahoma vs Denver doesn't exactly get my juices flowing, so I will finish this and then the rest of my night time routine and go to sleep.,  I know that the alarm will go off at 4 and I will be awakened but then I will simply turn over and go back to sleep.  Richard hadn't gotten back to the office before we left for our dinner so I when we got back home I was pleasantly surprised with the work that he brought in.  I do have work to do when I get into the office in the morning.  With Sheila at the temple I can't go anywhere so I can be happy to just dive in and be anxiously engaged in good work.  I have completed the transition for the Sunday me to the Monday me, or at least I will have by the Tuesday me.  You know that my 'u' represents 'understand the day' so you know that I see each day as its own thing.  They are all different and require something different from me.  And the week end days are so different from Monday--Friday that it makes me adjust and as I get older the differences between weekend and work day days gets more dynamic.  But by Tuesday it is usually completed.  Anyway, I like the idea of having work, but not having pressure of someone showing up at 7:30 a.m.  Tomorrow night we do have the option of going to Cortney's ball games, but I won't make that decision now. 

My thought for the day is "sometimes 'good' is the enemy of 'great'".

I was going to write something serious and deep, but I don't want to work that hard.  I would like to just fill the page with something of some worth and then get to bed.  For some reason I have been really tired today.  I did get up early and attended our block.  We came  home and had lunch and then Sheila was my companion on a home teaching visit.  I had taken a nap before we went and then when we got home I took another nap.  We did do something nice together when we sat in front of the computer and watched 15 testimonies of the brethren on LDS.ORG.  It was a nice recap of all that we hold dear and have our own testimonies of.  Sheila watched the movie "Beyond the Blackboard" on tv and I channel surfed it a few times.  Do you know that it is the story of an LDS woman and took place in Salt Lake City?  Her religion was a part of the story but not enough as to say outright that she was a Mormon.

My Sunday has found me in another strange mood.  It is not unusual for me to start thinking 'church' and actually separate myself from my reality.  Then when I get to the end of Sunday I start to think about reconnecting to my real world and I don't want to.  I like the other world that I have created for myself.   I think that this is not such a bad thing.  But it will all have to wait until another time.  I am here in this world.  I have things that I need to do.  I made choices that keep me here, and it is actually not a bad place to be.  It just requires constant exertion and when I get a chance for a little break I try to take advantage of it.  I don't remember such times when we were young an raising you all.  It seems to be an advantage of being old.  And it is a good thing that being old does have some perks, because it surely has a down side as well.  So take my advice and enjoy each of your stages as they happen because the next stage will come along soon enough.

Well, Sheila did demand that we set the alarm.  She had such a list of things to do today and the first thing needed her to be up and dressed and off by about 8 am.  And the light from the new alarm clock was bright.  I had turned it to high to see what it was like and it was brighter then I thought and brighter then was comfortable for me. So for tonight and from now on it will be set at the lower setting. When it went off at 7:30 I told Sheila that it was such an irritating noise.  Guess we'll get used to that after a while.  Sheila was busy most of the day with her list but I wasn't too much of a slacker.  In fact, I actually ended up going out to try to serve a few paper later in the day.  We arranged it so we went by Sharon's so Sheila could let Max out to go potty and then we drove to Herriman to take some Easter bags to Bryson and Crystal and David.  We got back in time for me to make a few choir calls and then watch my BYU volleyball match which just ended.  BYU did not play well enough to win and even though I would have liked to see them win even I could see that they didn't deserve it. 

I did put in some time on my priesthood lesson for tomorrow.  I am trying not to think about any extra pressure of it being Easter Sunday.  Actually I like the fact that it is, that is, unless no one shows up because they all go out of town for the holiday.  I have thought a lot about Easter and what it means preparing for tomorrow even though the lesson isn't specifically on Easter.  But it will be mentioned and I have had a really special feeling about it as I have bee studying and preparing.   I hope that all of you take time to consider the meaning of what we are celebrating.  After all, no other folks have near what we have and understand the way that we understand what it is all about.  Of course, appreciating it is still a very personal matter.  I hope that that is the kind of experience that you have about this season.

I turned off the switch about 4 this afternoon.  My work week had caught up to me and I had had enough of it.  It was time to go on vacation.  So Sheila and I got in the car and drove:  1 get gas  2 pick up a check ( and some papers) at Cullimore's office  3- go to the West Jordan District Court  4 go the Archibald's for dinner. Of course we had to have fried green tomatoes to start then Sheila had a chicken fried steak and I had a stuffed steak dinner with veggies and a baked potato.  We got back home at 6 and I have just been chillin and watching tv and trying not to think about work.  I don't want to think about tomorrow yet either, but I know that there are a few tasks just waiting for me.  Sheila's day looks much busier them mine.

Sheila has been putting in a lot of time tonight and for several days now on getting Easter stuff ready for the grand kids.  I'm told that our schedules present some problems in getting us all together so our event will be spread out over 2 weeks.  I guess that that is just the way it is when there are so many of us.  I wish that it was different, but you all have to do what you gotta do.  Just try to remember us in passing, because we are thinking about each of you.  We really are!

Sheila bought me a new alarm clock today.  The old one just wore out.  So now we have a new fancy one with cool blue numbers.  Sheila said that it is so bright that she worries that it might keep her from sleeping.

It looks like I will get to bed earlier tonight then I have all week.  I'm really ready for that.  And no, I won't be setting the alarm for tomorrow morning (unless Sheila demands it for her because she has so much to do).

We were on the way home from Cortney's basketball game.  I was telling Sheila that the officials were okay, but had become a little lazy in their mechanics.  We were leaving the SLCC campus and Sheila told me that I needed to get over into the left outside lane in order to turn left at the traffic light on 22nd west.  I went only 1/2 way in a lazy right hand turn and then turned left going through a yellow right.  Sheila said:  'you're getting a little lazy in your mechanics, aren't you ?'  I immediately gave her a zing credit and she said that I had my opening line for my blog entry.

Cortney had 2 games.  We got there before 7 and sat with Nicholas.  In the 1st game Cortney's team started off ahead but fell behind and trailed coming down the wire.  They went ahead, but with 9.4 seconds the other team made 2 free throws to go ahead by 1.  They threw the ball in and Cortney got it and dribbled the length of the floor and made a left handed lay up with 2 seconds on the clock which ran out giving 'us' the win.  In the 2nd game it was real close until about 5 minutes to go when with Cortney's help her team ran away with it and won by 17. 

It was a great way to almost end my day.  I came home and did some sorting of work and relaxed for a while and then I did this, which I am still now doing. I am looking at an almost Saturday tomorrow because I don't have to be in the office by 7.  My week of late nights is catching up with me. 

Our power went off for almost an hour today so I took advantage of it and studied for my lesson on Sunday.
I also did snooze some just as I predicted last night that I would.  But I am right in character for the week as I won't get to bed until after 11:30 for more times in a row then I want to take time to figure out.

Maybe I am getting younger.  Here it is 11:20 p.m. and I'm just doing my journal/blog entry.  I feel like I did when I was young and did not have to worry about getting up in the morning.  When we were in our first years of marriage I would play basketball at the church after mutual.  I would stay  up real late and then sleep in.  I had forgotten about those years.  Then when children came with the attendant financial demands my work took precedence over my late night activities.  Oh, I still had late nights, mostly doing basketball games, but then it was either for pay or as a church calling.  Over many, many years I have fallen into a routine of going to bed in order to get my 9 hours of sleep.  I don't know why this week has been so different.  But for some reason the late game tonight caught my interest and I've been trying to squeeze more out of the day.  Of course the only way I get more out of today is by borrowing from tomorrow. And tomorrow is again an early Marv morning with him getting here around 7:30.  Why do I do this to myself? 

Sheila got online today and studied for and took a food handlers permit test.  She has this fear of tests like the notary test from a couple of years ago.  She even worried about getting her driver's license renewed thinking she would fluke some test.  So when she scored a 96.7 % today she was pleased with herself.  I knew all along that she would do it.  (but 96.7  !!)

Shelli called and said that Colton had some roto rooter virus or something like that.  Too bad for the little guy.  Too bad for the big girl.  She's the one that has to clean up after him. 

I am beginning to drag so I am calling it a day.  I'm not sure how I will deal with getting up in the morning.Oh, that's not true.  I do know how I will deal with it.  I will get up and do what I have to do.  I'll just have to catch up sometime later in the day with a nap.

I was fast asleep when Sheila's alarm went off at 4 this morning.  I usually wake up at different hours of the night and feel almost rested and I just start thinking about things to take advantage of being awake and I eventually go back to sleep.  So the earlier I wake up the better so I have more time to use.  But this morning I had that groggy half asleep feeling that I knew would go away when I went back to sleep but I felt yucky until then.  I remembered many times when I had to get up to go to work or to the temple of to something like my wife having a baby and I just had to deal with the feeling and do what I had to do.  So knowing that I could just roll over and cover up and go back to sleep made it easier to deal with.  I do remember when Sheila came and said goodbye to me and she told me that she had pumped just so I wouldn't have to worry about it.  I really appreciated her for her kindness so I had to do something for her today.  Not that it is a quid pro quo deal, but that is just what you do for each other.  So I went on the rounds this afternoon and she took a nap.  Even she was surprised at how long she slept the on the couch.  I did another favor for her tonight, but it was just as much of a favor for my, but I will still count it.  We went to the Draper Temple for a ward sealing session that our High Priests Quorum is trying to get started.  It was its 2nd month and this time we had 6.  The first time there were only 4.  Maybe if we keep at it....  It was a nice way to spend our evening.  I realized just how many options are out there.  Ball games to watch,   Work to do.  But it was a good choice. Sheila told me that I am turning into quite a night owl.  I didn't write about our movie last night, but we watched the Harry Potter movie on pay per view.  So that's at least 4 nights in a row that I've stayed up till after 11 or even 12.  Its getting to where I don't even recognize myself. 

It reminds me of the way I felt at certain times during my school years.  I do still feel that way once in a while, but generally not a strong anxiety.  But today was a situation that was strong and anxious.  I had put off doing the final draft of our income taxes until today.  That's the way that I used to handle stressful school assignments  and test too.  After all, that's why they give dead lines isn't it?  So today was the last day and I had asked my good wife for her help in getting the job done and in the mail.  Of course it took longer then either of us figured that it would and it caused her more stress then it did me because she was the one who took it to the post office and stood in line to get the envelopes mailed.  But I did tell her that I was thankful for her help, and I really meant it.  So she did most of the work, but I still felt the anxiety and then the relief.  I was told that I couldn't feel relief until she got them mailed, so I stopped celebrating and worried a while longer.  But you all know the relief that you feel when a major task is finally finished, one that has been hanging over you for a while.  My relief at getting our taxes mailed plus the late night last night did catch up with me long about 2:30 this afternoon.  I took what I will call a power nap, but it was actually just trying to catch up on sleep that I had missed out on.  So here I sit with my major big bad job done and the week ahead of me.  It feels good.

When I was a youngster we would travel u to Firth, Idaho to my grandma Quinn's home on a summer vacation.  It wasn't an every year thing, but almost.  That was really such a long time ago that it is hard to remember a lot of it, but I do have vivid bits of memory that I carry with  me.  They lived in two different places.  The 1st one burned down and the last one has more memories maybe because we were there more times or maybe because I was just older.  Idaho is potato country and a lot of the farmers grew 'spuds' as we called them.  I remember one time Denny and I walked into town and near a potato processing place.  On the outside of the big building was a run off pond where water that was used to wash the potatoes gathered.  It was a stinky place and the water was the stinky part.  I don't remember how or why but Denny and I both ended up in the water.  We scurried back to grandma's not only wet but the family couldn't stand the smell of us and we were quickly dispatched to the hose to be cleaned off.  Another memory was of an area on or near the property which had a grove of trees that I would go down into and play.  I called it Sherwood Forest and I would play there and imagine Robin Hood who I had seen on TV.  Over the years I have seen quite a number of Robin Hood movies.  My reason for this trip down memory lane was that I just watched another of those Robin Hood movies.  It was the latest one from 2010 and I had not seen it before.  I paid the price of staying up this late (it's 11:40 p.m.) but I did enjoy it.  It ends my long Sunday on a good note.  We had driven up to Ogden on a couple of errands earlier today and Sherri was compelled to invite us for a lovely meal.  It appears that they might not be able to access my blog to read this entry for awhile because someone spilled water in their keyboard and it may be dead and awaiting burial.  Other then that it was a pretty quiet day.  And now I have extended it beyond normal and will probably pay a price for that decision in the morning.  We did learn that Nicholas earned a prestigious scholarship to SVU that made his parents and grandparents proud of him.  Also, Cortney, Brooklyn and Spencer are better athletes then even I had supposed.  We hope to hear about Linzi and Zach's weekend.  And any news about the rest of the family.  After that our number one goal is to get our taxes done and mailed tomorrow and then eventually cover the checks that we will be writing out.  Shalom

My expectation for today did not turn out much the way that I thought that it would.  Some of the things I was planning on did go that way, but the details took me from my plans.  I knew that I would have enough money come in to pay off last week.  That would put me one week behind and with taxes due next Monday I really  needed to get some money in. That actually went better then I planned on.  Sheila went to the post office for me and brought back mail that gave me my best day of the year.  I was able to close out last week and pay me even more then usual, but, of course I will still be behind after we pay our taxes come Monday.  I wish that it were better, but I am happy that it is as good as it is.  I slept in until 9 this morning  I enjoyed it.  But I got up and right to work.  Sheila told me that I should have taken time to shower because I 'stink'.  If that was true this morning I imagine that it is even worse now.  The mail also brought other changes to my Saturday plan.  Last night I wrote that Richard had brought in work that I needed to do today.  Mail did help that some more and I decided that my day would turn into a normal work day because I had stuff to get ready for Monday now.  Then the fact that Robert had asked Sheila to babysit his kids affected another decision I had made.  I had wanted to sit down for as long as it would take and do a final version of our taxes.  But now I had other things to keep me busy and Sheila had her day cut out for her as well.  So my need to do my work today increased because I pushed the taxes to Monday and would need sufficient time to dedicate to getting them finished and in the mail.  I also had to directed as to how I could orchestrate work for Marv come Monday because what I had was work in Davis County, but the problem was how to get it to him.  If I give him work in the valley or down South he will drive here, but to have him drive from Centerville to Draper to go back near his home to serve wasn't logical.  So I decided to get the stuff ready today, and to take Sheila for a ride tomorrow night to drop Marv's work off at his house.  Sheila suggested that Sharon had stuff to be taken up north as well, so we arranged for that too.  So with all of that work that had to be finished on Saturday my day became more serious and pressing.  I did take some time off for a few breaks, but mostly I did what needed doing, and I spent all of my energy so now I am going to print this and then go get ready for bed.  No sleeping in tomorrow.  But it will be nice when I get 'un-stinky'.

It's been an interesting day for me.  I had to be up early because Marv got here around 7:30 am.  I laid in bed until just before 7 so I didn't have time to shower.  I stayed that way all day until now. (10:56 p.m.) (And I don't expect I'll be showering before I go to bed in a little while.)  I have been mostly working, but I took a break several times throughout the day to eat and to rest and to take my power nap once (twice?)  I did some make up work and some timely work and some busy work.  I got a break when there wasn't any BYU sports or any other ball games on tv and Friday night doesn't have much that interests me.  So when I sound a free preview of one of the premium movie channels I found a movie that Sheila and I could watch and she got back from lots of errands just in the nick of time for us to watch "Avatar". She had picked up a pizza on the way home so we had that as we watched the movie.   Then she went to the store and I did a bit of organizing since Richard had gotten back from his day's work and brought in stuff for Monday (and money too?)
Then I found a new Disney movie that I watched and Sheila got back in time to see the last bit of it with me.  I'll take time with my wife when I can get it because who knows how much time we will have together tomorrow and Sunday.  The stuff Richard brought in really changed my Saturday. I thought I would have little work and lots of time.  Now its little time because of lots of work.  But my Monday should start off well for me (and Richard).  Funny, its really quite late for me but I don't feel tired yet.  I figure that it will hit me quickly and quite hard so I'll not be dallying too much or too long.  But I really feel quite 'young (?)' because of Saturday so I don't intend to hurry to bed either.  I have some reading and some studying I want to do.  I have a subject that has grabbed my interest of late and I have some things that I want to read and look up concerning 'gratitude'.  I don't think the dictionary definition  is very good.  So I will ponder the subject and see if I can come up with a better one.  It seems to me that it is just about the most central truth of the gospel.  With it you have a tie to everything good.  Without it you are linked to almost everything bad.   Think about it.

"Honey, I'm home."  That's what I heard here about 15 minutes ago.  Sheila had been over to the church with Kathy and Shelli doing some craft with the Relief Society. I kept quiet.  I knew that she would call again, but I also knew that if I did not answer she would eventually come down to the office and we could talk about her night out.  When she did come down she scolded me a little bit because going down the stairs bothers her knee.  But I took advantage of the situation and she sat down and we were able to talk for about 15 minutes about her night.  I am actually staying up a little later then I am comfortable with but my routine is what I do, so even though I have to be up early for Marv who will show up about 7:30 I will still do this and then I have my chapter to read and my 40 push ups to do then my prayer and our prayer and I should get to bed around 11.  Oh, I will also test my blood on my new schedule that Sheila talked my doctor in to approving. When I sit down to read my scriptures I also like to read or study something more and then I stop to ponder so I don't always get to bed that soon, but I enjoy my routine and I actually have come up with what I consider wonderful thoughts during that quiet, pondering time.  Night time is something different to me now more so then earlier on in my life.  I enjoy it so much and I find it very productive mentally and spiritually along with the fact that I do sleep and rest and get ready for another day.  But the spiritual dimension is what I work on most.  It seems my best time to try and practice having my spirit be in charge of whatever it is that makes me me.  Ego, id, spirit, soul, mind, heart, intelligence, ying and yang --whatever I am I do it better now after practicing during my night time when distractions are minimal.  It does work for me. 

I like to think that I am a tough guy.  You know, street wise and maybe a little bit hard--able to take a hit and keep on ticking.  And maybe I am to a certain extent.  But I also know that I am one big softy.  I don't know quite how to explain it, but tender feelings come to the surface a lot if conditions are right.  On General Conference weekend I was feeling 'tender' not only during the sessions, but I found myself feeling quite emotional while I was watching the 'filler' stuff (the made special for conference shows broadcast between sessions).  My tender feelings are not limited to churchy stuff either.  Today I called for Sheila to come down stairs to watch the last few scenes of the Shirley Temple movie "The Little  Princess" where she finds her wounded father in a British hospital during a war.  I am always clouding up when we watch some sentimental movie and I don't think that I hide it from Sheila very well.  But I try to pretend that I am manly and tough, but I know that I have never been able to fool my good wife.  I made it through yesterday without her, but it is sure nice to have her back. 

I wrote something this morning that came to me as a thought for my Priesthood lesson in two weeks and I wonder if it has any meaning to you all.

BEING GRATEFUL IS A LOT LIKE BEING IN LOVE  AND   BEING IN LOVE IS A LOT LIKE BEING GRATEFUL. 

I have something specific in mind with that, but I would be interested in your thoughts on the matter.  (That is also a sneaky way to try to get someone out there to make a comment before I get too discouraged that no one is reading my work.)

I woke up this morning and with it being Tuesday Sheila was up and long gone for her service at the temple.  But here I am now at the end of the day and I am alone again.  This I wasn't planning on.  I know that Sheila told me a few days ago that she would be spending the night over at Sharon's, but sometimes I hear things without hearing them.  But gone she is and I admit that I am different without her.  I feel pretty good about my day and I made a good decision tonight by going to Cortney's basketball game.  But right now I am kind of coasting and I need to come out of my coma and go to bed and then start focusing on tomorrow.  Before Sheilas left a little before 9 we had our prayer together and we recounted our wishes for the family.  We learned today that Kaleb hurt his knee and we prayed for him.  Kathy had to have a tooth pulled and we prayed for her.  Sheila also mentioned Sharon's interview tomorrow and we prayed for her.  We also called Brooklyn and wished her a happy birthday.  I asked her how old she is now and frankly 13 was not a number that I was thinking.  It all adds up to me being old, old, old.  But it is not about me because I believe my life is connected to all of you and I do not go through my day without thinking about our family.  Having seen it come into being and grow through the last 42 years it is such a huge part of me.  It centers everything I do and I am.  And frankly it is the best part of both.  I hope that I am able to stick around for a long time and watch Nicholas and Linzi and all the rest grow and live.  I just want to be there for all of you.  But I do believe that I will 'be there' even if I am not there.  I figure that that is the way that it works, but of course I don't really know.  It just makes sense that it does work that way.  That being said, I do not want to not 'be there' if I have anything to say about it.  I wonder about what our life has in store for us.

We just finished our hour together.  Actually it was just 45 minutes because it was an English TV program that was on channel 11 without commercials so it only lasted 45 minutes.  Then she copied some some stuff for her primary lesson next Sunday.  I reminded her that she has to get up at 4 am in the morning  She gave me the look that says that she accepts the fact, but doesn't necessarily like it.  I'm glad that she still works at the temple.  I give up going somewhere on Tuesday mornings, but that's really not giving up anything because I usually don't go anywhere anyway.  But I did go somewhere this morning.  And I was able to pick up work enough to help Richard with his day and it gave me stuff to do all day long. But I got that all done so tomorrow will be more of a challenge for me because I will have to be more creative.  The less timely tasks need to be defined better and I am not as good at that as I would like to be.  Coming off of a Sunday is usually harder for me anyway, especially a Sunday that was as nice as yesterday was for the two of us. So I have to focus harder then when I get into a week day groove.  Usually after Tuesday my mindset is changed and I settle down.  Then come Friday it starts all over again.  Been that way for years and years.   I wonder if it will ever change.

Sometimes I forget that I chose this way of life and it suits me quite well.  But anything can lose its appeal after decades and decades.  (What does that say about Eternal Life?)

I did get in an hour of exercise tonight. I usually feel the benefit of that the next morning.  For an old guy I believe that I am in pretty good shape.  There are guys in the ward who are younger then I am, but I think that they look older then I do.  Same goes for your mother (and grandmother).  And my 40 push ups, well, I'm not exactly sure what that says about me.

It did take me a long time to shave this morning.  It was a good thing that I did get up earlier then normal for a Sunday morning.  I turned the alarm off and went into the other room to read my chapter and the alarm did go off.  So I hurried in and apologized to my startled wife and asked her to go back to sleep.  I got dressed and went to choir practice.  We had 5 that ended up there but we practiced anyway.  When the meeting began I still planned on staying seated, but my thoughts were not conducive, or I should say that my thoughts were conducive to not staying seated.  So I made the long walk from the back of the first overflow where we sit up to the stand and I expressed myself to my ward family to whom I feel quite close as ward families go.  I also expressed  myself in Sunday School and Priesthood.  After the block I met at the Sunbeams class room and waited for all of the kids to be picked up by their parents (or big brothers) and then walked home with my bud.  I read the paper and she put in a roast which we ate about 3 pm.  I found a good family (Sunday worthy) movie on tv which we watched until 5, and then another one from 5-7 pm.  Sheila would sit downstairs with me for a while, but couldn't last the whole time so I sat upstairs with her for an hour but I couldn't last up there.  From 8-9 I started watching Upstairs/Downstairs.  She started upstairs but we both ended up together downstairs.  As soon as it was over she went upstairs and I stayed downstairs to do this.  It was really a rare kind of Sunday for us.  A fast Sunday alone together and nothing else on the agenda doesn't come around much for us.  We enjoyed it in spite if the upstairs-downstairs thing.  Oh yes, at 6 (upstairs) I made myself a sandwich and ate it in front of her which made her hungry for a roast beef sandwich of her own, but the would not make it with Swiss cheese and she had taken a drink of my Black Cherry Soda but I wouldn't take a drink of her's when she offered it so I would be the good guy for a change.

Today's weather has been absolutely crazy.  I don't remember it snowing several times all day long like this.  I just was standing outside in the cold pumping for insurance so we can rest tonight and big flaky snow flakes were coming down.  The weather man says that tomorrow we might actually see the sun again.  That would be nice.  Sherri said this morning that their games were canceled because of snow up there.  It was like they didn't know what  to do with themselves.  I wonder what the kids did end up doing.  As for me I had plans for this Saturday.  And I actually did get several tasks checked off of my to-do list.  They were small things, but lots of small things can make up a day.  Sheila read my blog about my visit to the doctor yesterday and said that I am 'funny'.  Really ? 

I am planning to start my go-to-bed ritual as soon as I finish here.  I figure I have to get up at least 15 minutes earlier then normal for a Sunday morning.  It should take that much longer in the shower because I have 2 weeks to shave instead of my normal 1 week.  Then this fast Sunday will be different the the past several.  Since we had some of you here last week we will spend tomorrow just the two of us.  That should be a nice experience.

I have a question for you.  I have gotten up the last 3 fast and testimony meetings.  I felt it was important for me to do so.  I do not plan on it tomorrow.  I feel like that would be too much.  I don't take a long time, and I figure that I do say something good, but is too much too much?  I remember as a child sitting in testimony meeting and hearing some 'old' folks do it like all of the time.  I don't remember if being a negative thing, but I worry about that in my case.  I would appreciate hearing a response from you although I don't figure on it in time for tomorrow.  But I am interested in what you think on the matter.

I find it difficult to know that tomorrow will be 1/3 of the month of April.  Oh my gosh,  it just started!!!

I had my annual visit with  my doctor today.  He tells me that I am his special patient.  He's not a bad sort and I guess that I have him fooled a bit.  Each time I go I have a lab test the week before and most of what he goes by comes from the results of that test.  The numbers are right there on the report and they show good results for the things that they are able to measure from my blood and my urine.  For several visits going back 5 and six years he has gone over my results and given me a letter grade for the various areas that were tested.  I am practically a straight 'A' subject.  He like my results and has said that I am doing so well that we have virtually saved 10's of thousands of dollars over these past years.  He has basically two complaints with me though.  First he has said that I could stand to lose a little more weight.  I have been consistent with a range of about 215 to 220 #s now for almost all of the 9 years of my medical history with him.  I don't remember him saying anything about my wight for a couple of years though.  He is pretty happy with where I am at.  But the other thing that he has started to talk  about the last may 3 years is my blood pressure.  In fact, it seems that he has stopped worrying about my blood #s and is now more concerned about my blood pressure.  Today he said that I could do my blood maybe 3 times a week instead of everyday.  But he expressed mild displeasure in the fact that I have not been taking my blood pressure at all in the six month since my last visit.  Today they did measure it again and it was as good of a reading as I have had for the last several checks, but he scolded me a bit and suggests that I do a better job in the future.  He told me some time back that my exercise regimen and especially my push ups inspire him to do the same for himself.  Today he said that he thinks about me more then any of his other patients because he thinks about my exercises when he tries to do his and I am a good example that motivates him.  I find all of that amusing, but it is also kind of flattering.  Sheila and I joked on the way out of his office that he forgot about my prostrate examination and Sheila teased me by suggesting that she ought to say something to remind him.  I teased her back by threatening her!  On the way home she decided that we would go the the Golden Corral for dinner.  So we did and then came home to just chill.  We just finished pumping and now it is time to go to bed.

I really thought that I was doing a good thing.  Sheila had been gone for a couple of hours and not expected back for another few hours.  She had gone over to Sharon's to help get Zach to and from his class and then she was going to pick Sharon  up after her class.  I was about to bring my dinner tray downstairs and had a good service idea.  Since she probably wouldn't be back until after dark when I passed the light switch to the garage on my way I had the idea to turn on the light in the garage so she would not be coming in in the dark when she got back home. She did call me later and confirmed that she would be late.  I had my food and I had just finished my hour of 'stretchercises' when she got home.  She came down to the office and the first thing that she asked me was why I turned the light off in the garage so she had to come in in the dark.  I hadn't even looked in the garage.  I had just flipped the switch from inside the house.  Not a big deal but a good  lesson nevertheless.

My beard is getting quite uncomfortable.  Because of general conference weekend I did not take the opportunity to shave.  So I am in week # 2 and it itches.  I don't plan to shave until Sunday morning so I'll just have to tough it out.  Do you feel sorry for me?

I have been thinking about a gospel thought for a few days now.  I had a vague memory of a truth and so I looked in up in 'gospel library search' at lds.org. and I actually found it.  My memory was correct.  God does 'honor' agency.  By that I mean that God honors our agency by leaving us on our own when we for whatever reason do not invite his influence or presence into our heart and into our life.  I have been pondering on a way that I believe that I have closed Him out of a part of me and I want to change that circumstance.  So first I realized it, then I defined it and studied it to find it was true and now I need to figure out how to remedy it.  It has to do with my personal comfort zone and I am finding it to be quite difficult to get passed it.  Somehow it does seem important to me to do so, but it is also much harder then I thought that it would be.  I'll keep working on it and try to let you know as it comes along.  I do hope that this dog is not too old to learn something new.

 I find it really hard to grade my day because there are so many different things to look at.  I had a lot of them do well by me and some not as much.  I made a special effort to get to the post office to pick up my mail.  That is also my paycheck.  And when I don't get in any checks I don't have any money,  I learned a long time ago to not depend on mail or even money for my security and its a good thing or I'd be up and down like a yo yo. I have never --oh that's wrong.  I did have two different jobs way back when we were first married that paid me a regular pay check.  I worked for that door factory in Murray for a summer, and then I worked at the Safeway warehouse uptown for a time.  I also worked for Filmakers Studio for almost two years, but that never did pay me a regular pay check.  I didn't see Interac in Japan as regular.  It only lasted 5 months.  I guess I buried memories of a paycheck existence and I had more then I realized.  But from 1975 (and 1/2) I have worked for myself and learned to see security in the way I lived and my hope for blessings rather then for any kind of a pay check.  It was difficult at times and we did quite well at other times.  I know that I made a million dollars a couple of times over a number of years, but we never did quite understand the great expense of raising up 8 of you.  Last night Sheila told me of her thoughts as she went through our early journal entries to get some information for one of Sharon's school projects and she came across entries that reminded her that I was very keen once upon a time at setting goals for making money.  I became quite dedicated to goals about money.  I don't think that way anymore and we discussed the good and bad of that change in my life. Money is such a big part of life and does require much from us.  But even though one  has to have it you have to be careful that money doesn't have you. 

We had Shelli and her boys here for the day today.  The lot of them went to the dinosaur museum and we tended the older ones when Shelli took Colton to Riverton for a blood test. They stayed for dinner because Phil was working late and we had dragon meat but the boys wouldn't eat that either.  So I guess I'll have leftovers to eat tomorrow.

Some nights the blank screen before me is more daunting then on other nights.  I almost always have thoughts rolling around in my mind, but either I can't define them very well in order to put them into words, or they seem too complicated to  figure out how to put them into words.  I try to review my day but it usually comes up appearing so dull that even I have little interest in recounting it.  But I did fill my time and I work pretty hard, but I never feel like my work is done.  Maybe I'm just catching up to the way Sheilas had to work during all those years when we were raising up you eight kids.  Her work never came to an end in those days.  This morning I did talk for a short time with Shelli.  As soon as I answered the phone she realized that Sheilas was at the temple on this Tuesday.  During our talk she asked me why I wasn't working at the temple myself. I told her that I simply did not have time.  That sounded like a lame answer to me, but it is true.  I do wonder if I could handle it though.  It certainly couldn't hurt me any. 

For several months now I have had a feeling of impending something.  That's the only way that I can describe it.  I don't know what, but I assume it to be good, and I don't know when, but I have felt like it was 'impending' for a long time now.  As soon as it does happen I will let you know what it is.  Hopefully it will be something worth all the fuss.  (Maybe it is just summer.  It has got to happen sometime.  I'm getting kind of tired of winter hanging on so long.)  (But my 'impending' feeling has been around way longer then anything connected with the seasons.)

Having a better then normal day can lead to a come down day.  I guess the better day is still worth it, but I wish that I didn't have to 'come down' after wards. What I am saying is that Sunday was much better then normal so in comparison today felt liked it lacked something.  I am also noticing the affects of my visit to my eye doctor this afternoon, and my eyes are not seeing the computer screen very well.  Once a year my regular has me visit my eye doctor who checks me out for diabetic myothamy and  glaucoma and any other sigh of change in my vision.  In order to do all of that he dilates my pupils so he can study my optic nerve.  It makes for some discomfort for the rest of the day and I also developed a bit of a headache from it.  Every time I look at the screen to check what I am writing I notice a difference because my pupils have not yet returned to normal.  It will take much of the night but when I wake up in the morning I should be fine.  It did give me opportunity to 'force' Sheila to go with me and we did do some talking about the thoughts we had from conference weekend.  We both really enjoyed the time we had last night with our kids, but it reminded us of those that were not there and that is a bit of a tender spot for us when we think about it.  As for me, my mind is still full of thoughts just floating around in my head unattached (unattached thoughts that is).  Each thought just brings more questions so it becomes difficult to find any clear conclusions.  So questions abound, conclusions do not.  Combine that result from conference weekend and add in normal confusion from being at this stage of our lives and we feel like we really don't know what is going on, or what we really want to go on in our lives.  Maybe as a good night's rest will help clear up my eye trouble it might also help clear up my confusion and help me have some good, clear conclusions.    Is anyone out there?

I woke up just before 4 this morning and it was so dark and so quiet.  It took me a little while to figure out why.  There were no little electric lights glowing fro the smoke alarm and the telephone.  And the clock at the side of our bed wasn't displaying big red numbers telling me what time it was.  The power was off again so I got up and went into the kitchen and found Sheila's cell phone to see the time.  The power had been off last night for almost an hour and I figured that it would come on again soon.  I sat up and pondered on my thoughts from the conference sessions from yesterday and I wanted to hear the microwave in the kitchen beep when the power came back on.  It didn't happen so after 15 or 20 minutes I went back to bed.  It had snowed a lot during the night and the waterfall wasn't working and it was getting a little cold so I snuggled up and figured that I would doze and wake up again after a while and the power would be back on.  It was almost another 4 hours before I heard the beep and saw the glowing lights and the flashing 12:00 on the clock.  I checked her cell phone and it was 8 am.  Then I heard the sound of the waterfall and of the warm air being blown into the bedroom and the world was right with me again.  I didn't have to get up so I didn't.
After a while I did get up and shower and then Sheila fixed ham and eggs for breakfast.  By then conference was on again so we sat and watched.  And I was nourished just as I had been yesterday.  This old tough guy was softened by the conference messages and the singing, but the filler stuff that was on channel and BYU TV during the two hour break really affected me.  I fond myself with tears in my eyes several times as I watched stories about members of the church and events of special things in different parts of the world.  I did pretty well on my goal to watch all ten hours of conference, but I did not hit perfection.  I did doze for maybe 5 minutes of Elder Bednar's talk and I messed maybe 2 minutes of another when I went outside i the snow and washed out the skimmer in the pump area of the waterfall.  We didn't have to wait too long after the session ended for the Porters to arrive.  Then the Rosbachs got there and finally the Jensens got there as we were about to eat.  Hawaiian haystacks were the meal of the day and seemed to be enjoyed by all.  After wards there was a lot of scheduling going on and then we had a Family Home Evening lesson from Zach and Linzi and Sharon.  The rest of the evening found the 'Bed-Lam-ites' running through the house, the adults discussing important gospel questions and the pantry continual being raided.  I personally had one of my most enjoyable evenings in a long time  Usually I am a bit of a party pooper, but tonight I was really involved.  The time passed quickly and soon it was time to pack 'em up and head 'em out.  (That did take some time.)  And the last image in my mind was of Sherri and Russ in the middle row of seats in their van with Cortney in the driver's seat and Nicholas in the passenger seat.  The other two vehicles hurried to be off and away before Cortney got onto the road. 

May 23rd is the date of Nicholas' high school graduation.  Boy, is it ever beginning to happen way too fast for me!

I realized when I got home from the priesthood session of conference that I actually have another bit of vacation on this Saturday night that I haven't had for virtually months.  I don't have to get up  for an 8 am choir practice or even a 9 am block.  It feels so liberating,  So after one intense day I get to relax before I start a 2nd intense day and then comes the 'cherry' and the 'frosting' that I wrote about last night.  I have quite enjoyed listening and watching the 3 sessions of conference today.   My mind is quite full of thoughts and impressions that I hope to be able to file and digest some tonight and early in the morning.  I can't really say that I have a favorite because there is so  much from today that I want to remember and savor.  I don't think I have found that 'one' answer or inspiration just for me, but there is so much that I want to immerse myself in.  And maybe the whole of it is for me too.  The idea that we can improve and become a better person by studying and learning and that general conference is one great study class to do that is actually quite thrilling to me.  I know enough to be able to recognize the feeling of learning and growing and becoming more.  That burst of inspiration or that flash of light or whatever else you might call it is as Alma say 'delicious to the taste'.  And I have certainly feasted today and I expect to feast ore tomorrow.  It is a very real part of our lives and is actually a testimony in and of itself. General Conference is all that and more.  Today it has really filled me with many, many wonderful ideas and feelings.  I hope that what I am writing about is something that you can relate to.  It means so much to me and even more if it means something to you.  It is massive fantastic!!!

I am officially on vacation.  My work week is over until next Monday.  I will retire and try for a leisurely and long night's sleep.  But my vacation will only last until 10 am in the morning.  That marks the start of two days of intense study as my intention it to not only to watch, but to watch with interest  all 5 sessions of general conference.  It is a daunting challenge.  I have been mostly successful many times in the past years, but I don't believe I have ever enjoyed a perfect weekend where I was fully focused for all 10 hours.  It remains my goal and I will do my best, but we shall see how well I do.  I am definitely getting better at it as I grow older (and wiser).  Maybe this time I'll be able to pull it off.  It is something I hope would be the goal of each and every one of you, but I know the reality of things, so I just expect that you will do the best that you can.  It should serve me well for the most part of my weekend, but the cherry on top of my weekend or the icing on my cake will be our family time come Sunday night.  But for now I am going on vacation for several hours and put work way off until Monday.  My only chore will be in the morning when I have to go to the clinic for my semi-annual blood test.  I plan to be back home by 10 and then do my best to absorb all that is available to me during the sessions of conference.  I am not afraid of how hard it will me.  I've been in training for some time and I expect to execute my game plan and accomplish my goal.  I believe that there will be something there especially for me and I intend to find it and make it mine. I will let you know what I discover.

Oh yes, I did start my day with 40 this morning, and I felt like I could have done more, but that isn't the plan.