All of a sudden I am feeling rather melancholy.  I was on the way over to the church to do my check and I realized that it is just under three months to my 65th birthday.  My first thought was what I would like to do or receive for my birthday.  I thought and I thought, but I could not come up with any good ideas.  That bothered me a little bit, because I should be able to think of something.  Then I started to see it as a milestone and a mark as to what I have done or become, and that was kind of empty too.  I don't know what it is supposed to feel like to be 65.  And I don't see anything or anywhere to look to find some sort of a standard.  I do know that I have been getting all kinds of junk mail about medicare and retirement and I am not ready for either one.  Thank heaven that I am in pretty good health so I figure that I am not quite done yet.  But I do admit that just the thought of it actually, finally happening is a bit unnerving.  I always thought that I would live until I was 100, but that was in a fantasy sort of way.  To see this particular milestone sneaking up on me startles me a bit.  I have always been a good observer.  I watch people and I see them living their lives and of course I play the comparing game even though I know better.  I don't get swept up in it too much, but it does give me pause to think about the questions that I mentioned at the top of this entry.  They do demand scrutiny and I figure that I will spend a lot of time now pondering on this impending event that is really quite remarkable.