I am searching for the right amount of 'gentleness' that I should have for myself.  As I was writing that sentence I remembered the little refrigerator magnet craft the Sheila has on our fridge that says "Be gentle with yourself".  It fits the question that I am asking myself.  What standard should I use to critique myself.  After all, I have quite the unfair advantage knowing myself so well that I can't fool myself, or at least I hope I can't.  But what should I think.  Can I allow myself some time off to just sit and watch TV, or am I old enough that I should hold myself to a higher standard and expect more work and less--not play, because I don't play much, but 'un-work'.  If I a so serious about what I desire now that I really understand why I here and where I can be going, can I let down at all?  I have a hard time figuring out what I feel about that.  I feel guilty then I don't.  I feel justified, then I don't.  I want to be able to do more, but we're supposed to be able to 'enjoy the journey' too.  I wonder if I work as hard as I used to.  Then I wonder if I should taking into account my age and the work that I have to do.  The hardest question that I ask myself is whether I should or could be doing something else.  Am I afraid of that kind of drastic change or am I doing what I am supposed to be doing.  Maybe the LDS Super Mom idea isn't the only 'super' that we need to avoid.  I really need to give this subject some serious time and even prayer.  I feel like I really need to understand myself better.  Any ideas?