Some days just force you out of your routine.  Here I spend virtually months and months to establish my routine and along comes this Thursday and poof, there it goes.  And I know for sure that tomorrow is going to do the same thing.  Saturday will probably make it three days in a row, too.  There I was sitting here in my office coming up on 10 pm and I have two of my guys here checking in.  (Richard and Stan)  I'm usually all done with that by 10, and doing my end of the day stuff.  But I guess I'll live.  Besides, tomorrow will be another one of those memory maker days.  I am looking forward to it.  I hope that Sharon likes my new, yellow tie!

 

Today our 'dead' snake charged Sheila before Robert caught it and took it home.  We are anxious to hear the rest of that story as far as his wife and kids are concerned.   She does know that a snake in the back yard is not necessarily a bad thing.  But for her it is absolutely intolerable.  And it had to go.  If Robert hadn't taken it I wonder what we would have done with it.  

 

Tomorrow is a new month.  2012 is nearly 1/2 over.  Unbelievable!

Getting closer to Sharon's big day.  I got my haircut this evening.  My suit will be back from the cleaners tomorrow and my new, yellow tie is secured in our closet.  I realize how much work there is left to do and I plead old age so that I will be mostly excused from the heavy lifting.  Right now every day brings something new to me.  I don't really appreciate it all yet, but I do seem to making progress in the actual return from the work that I do.  I try not to think about it too much so as not to jinx it, but I am pleased with what I see.  But it does play a distant second to the family events.  Seems that many of the kids really enjoyed the weekend and the work party on Monday.  We two are still receiving positive feelings from those events.  It does make it all worthwhile and what we have generally called a 'pay day'. Friday will be the same.  Seems that we are on the 'verge' of several things.  I'd like to anticipate, but I won't allow myself the pleasure.  I'll just let it happen and enjoy it as it comes.  My fear is that I won't have energy enough to endure all of it.  I do feel good for an old man, but as much as my senses are more keen my body is more old.  No constant pain or anything like that, but I do live more cautiously then I used to.  Don't want to do anything stupid and break something.  My intention is to continue to be a part of the family for a long, long time to come.

Well, it wasn't as bad as I thought that it might be.  I was able to keep myself pretty busy, and maybe medium productive.  The thing about the day though was that it was a transition day.  Mail was slow after a holiday as usual.  I have learned that a long weekend doesn't end with 3 days worth of mail.  Everybody takes the sames days off and so there is no build up effect, just a one day regular mail day.  And the same thing goes for the court and other sources of papers.  No holiday build up, just a one day whatever.  I was pleased that today was a one day better then usual but nothing more.  So tomorrow looks promising, but I need more days to make my week.  We'll see how that goes.  Some things were down, some were up so there you are: an ordinary day, still waiting for the extraordinary.

 

Sheila is still feeling the warm and fuzzy heart over the work that the kids did yesterday.  I'm am still feeling my sunburn and sore muscles from the small amount of work that I did.  But I admit the warm-fuzzy part too.  I thought I  might sleep in or lounge around more, but that doesn't fit me well anymore.  Pity!  But I like myself better the way that I am now, rather than the way that I have been in times past.  And when I am reflective and  honest there was sure a lot that I can find about me then that wasn't very nice.  But the test isn't over yet and I am getting better at this living thing.

 

 

I'm sitting in my new office chair courtesy of Pete Whorhatch.  Sheila is sitting upstairs glowing over her new yard courtesy of many of our kids and grand kids who worked long and hard today to do the things on her long list of yard work tasks.  I was there too but mostly did supervising and enough work to get another sunburn.  I also did enough to get myself exhausted and ready to go to bed.  I know that tomorrow it will be really hard to get back in the work mode.  But do it I will.  I'll probable even enjoy it eventually.  Now the focus turns to this Friday and the wedding.  I get a little tired just thinking about it.  But it will be making memories just as this week end has been.  It's times like this that makes it all worthwhile.  I am almost as thrilled as Sheila is about the work that our family did for us today.  It has really been an amazing day.  And amazing I have learned usually comes with exhausting.  The exhausting part will be taken care of by a good night's sleep, but the amazing will keep on being amazing.

Seems like it would be better to write in the morning after I wake up with some energy then come dragging in at the end of a long day and try to be creative.  But that would also kind of defeat the purpose of trying to write about my feelings at the end of each day and either celebrate something good, or try to repent of a not so good day.  The way that it is now it just seems to complete the day when I can take a moment to reflect and evaluate and it kind of completes a day like dessert completes a meal.  As for today I had some good parts and not bad parts, but things that show me areas of concern.  I try to limit those thoughts to just me, but it is part of the package that I am concerned about everyone.  I just feel for family, ward members and friends and everyone when I let go.  It is quite a burden, but I think appropriate as I value all of them as part of a family that I am incapable of comprehending.  But feelings for them happen and I just try to deal with them the best that I can.  My lesson went well today but it was also a reminder to me of my project.  You see, I am here to work on me and I'm not nearly finished.  Progress, yes.  But 'there' no way.  So I'll keep getting up trying and ending each day trying to put in words something about how I'm doing.  It does sound simple, but you know just how complicated it really is.

Robert teased me about being out so late.  But Nicholas convinced Sheila that we ought to go with the rest of the family to get some frozen yogurt and hand out for a while longer after the temple session.  It was the first for Nicholas and our family made us proud in showing up to support him.  We (Sheila and I) felt real special about it too.  We had Sherri and Russ, and, of course, Nicholas.  Sharon and Johnny, Richard and Kathy, Shelli and Phil, Robert and Cicily and Shauni were there for the session and the 'yogart' (we had a burger and onion rings too).  It made for the end of what Sheila called a great day.  Sure it is late.  Near 11:30 when we got home, but worth it.  Earlier in the day I had gone shopping with my wife and finally (after 3 stores) got my yellow tie.  I also bought me a new, dress, white shirt.  My wife and I still define 'shopping' differently, but it made for a fun time together.  Then we went to McGrath's for lunch and shared a key lime pie for desert!  (That's why we were hungry again at 9:30.)  For me seeing 4 of our daughters and 2 of our sons in the Celestial Room with us was real special, and I know that it was for Sheila as well.  I hope this 'high' helps get me through getting up in about 8 hours to go over to the church.

I just finished taking my blood pressure.  The #'s were spot on what my doctor wanted when he prescribe a new (7th) pill at the 1st of the month.  All of #'s are good and I hope they stay that way or get even better by the time I go back in October for my semi-annual confere- I mean check-up.  Wouldn't it be great if I actually lost some weight by then too.  The new pill is supposed to make me pee more so that makes me lose water, so water weighs something.  Who knows, it is possible.   I do believe that I have also changed some things about the way that I eat too.  Nothing that I planned on.  I just didn't want to eat bread much anymore, and I have started to drink gatorade along with my other juices (natural, of course).  That reminds me that I need to put the last bottle of gatorade in the fridge.  Sheila will get some more when she goes shopping tomorrow.  She'll also need to replenish the candy drawer.  (Robert was here this week!) I wish I had a way of really knowing how fit and healthy I am.  I have my own take on the matter, but no expert (or layman for that matter) has taken time to look and venture an evaluation.  My own take isn't very reliable. There are no similar 65 year old men that I know well enough go compare myself with.  And our children don't help me much that way.  Grand kids ! No way I keep up with them.  So I just go along hoping I am doing okay.  But when it's time it's time!  Had a real interesting thought given to me this morning.  But trying to explain it will lessen it for now, so I'll keep on working on it, but if anyone ever asks I'll try to teach it the best that I can.  It seems to me to be on of my best.

Big sigh!  I am really tired after another 'complete' day.  But I have gotten to the point where I just don't dwell on or even think much about the day just past.  I don't mourn the tasks that I should or could have done and didn't do either.  (Well, maybe a little.)  And right  now I am too tired to think much about tomorrow.  I have a general ideal of what tomorrow will bring, but I know that those thoughts will come to me all night long.  Some of the will even be good ideas about what Friday can be.  But for now let it wait.  I also am getting pretty good at letting the negative thoughts about our situation not bother me.  I could spend a lot of energy worrying about that, but what good does it do?  I do have a general plan that I am putting my faith into.  But beyond that I try not to think about it.  I know that 'it' will work out in the end, so some of those details just don't matter too much.  There is so much that I would  like to have or do, but I can't.  Life outside of myself will just have to happen with me only doing what I can do and hoping for the rest.  And I use the word 'hope' in the most religious of senses as in faith, hope and charity. 

I guess that everything changes with time.  And my definition of a 'complete' day has changed too.  Right now I figure a day is complete when I read a chapter in the scriptures in the morning and again at night.  I do 53 push ups in the morning and again at night.  I have my personal, kneeling prayer in the morning and again at night.  I write a page in my blog.  I also try to come up (or be given) a thought that I ponder on during the day.  I get into the office by 7:30 am, read the paper and then work on and off for most of the day.  I take my blood # in the morning, and I take my blood pressure sometime during the day on each arm, twice.  I check Shelli's blog and Cicily's blog and 'our' facebook, as well as both e-mail sites.  I take 7 pills with my 1st meal and 2 more with my evening meal.  I ride my bike for a long hour while I watch tv in the evening.  Then near 10 pm I walk over to the church where I make sure that all of the windows and doors are locked and all of the lights are turned off.  Right now, as far as my work I try to gross $3-400/ day for 5 work days.  That has only recently been that good to me.  I am still kind of holding my breath to see if it can continue. It really needs to so that we can work our way out of quite a hole that we are presently in.   Before my meals we have our blessing, which I do on my own when Sheila isn't right there.  I try to 'feel' gratitude for that blessing, and I really, really try to have a prayer in my heart and head throughout the day.  Sometime during the afternoon I try to read a talk of a lesson, or have serious ponder time about a topic or question that I come up with.  And I always have LDS hymns playing on my computer while I am in my office.  Lately I have actually been showering every workday.  And I try hard to orchestrate the days work for me and my guys to best take advantage of that resource.  So, that being said, today was a complete day.

Today was almost as good as yesterday, but actually I can't really compare because each day is so different even  though it is a lot the same.  One thing different was that we went to Cortney's state tournament softball game.  It was a good game, and she did such a good job.  She actually accounted for all 3 of the runs that Bonneville scored.  She had 2 rbi's and scored from 3rd on a passed ball.  The other team scored in the 7th inning to win, but we were told that they were actually expecting to get killed.  They did not, and with a couple of different outcomes they might have won the game.  It was good there with the Porters and Cicily and her kids.  We did get to play grandma and grumpa there too.  That was nice.  (and hot!)

 

Tonight I really enjoyed watching some tv that actually was educational.  There was a show on history that I saw connected with prophecy of the last days of the world, and a study of religion (Amish) that made me so appreciative of what we have.  I must have gotten a little sunburned because my forehead is tender, but I wasn't sitting in the sun.  It must not take much for my old tender skin.  Now its time to historize today and focus on tomorrow.

Sheila and I had very different day.  I was here all day and had a lot of stuff to do, mostly with work.  I had success in several ways.  I got stuff finished.  The new and anticipated writs finally did come in after 5 pm and helped make both of our days (Richard and Me).  Then tonight Stan got work and took his son with him to train him to be able to serve.  I see him as a replacement for Marv.  That was a void that came upon me suddenly last week, but just as sudden came an answer in a seemingly natural way, but was really a bit of a miracle.  I also have done my 53 this morning.  Read my scripture (pm version of both to be completed before I go to bed.)  I had a good blood # reading this morning and I remembered to take my blood pressure tonight.  I also did an hour on my bike, cleaned the skimmer did my church job and forgot something I meant to do that just came to me that I need to write a note to myself so I remember to do it tomorrow.  Oh, and I fixed all of my own meals today due to the following:

 

Sheila was up and off to work before 7.  When she got home she had to bail our Robert who's motorcycle broke and drive him to his other job.  She took care of my rounds too, and when she returned from that she helped me out with a couple of more errands and ran Kathy home so Richard could be available for some special work that actually did happen that I referred to before. Then she drove to Shauni's to tend and got back just before 10 when we talked for just a moment and now she is trying to get some 'chill' time and I am now ready to do my end of day rituals.  I am please with my full day of tasks, and as pleased for Sheila's day of service too.

What is family?  Here we are in a situation that is bringing together lots and lots of people into our family which although not unusual is different.  And some already seem more family then some who were a part of this family since their birth.  Foster daughter or not I consider Cindy my daughter.  And many others who I haven't yet known for very long I anticipate being in our 'forever family'.  So, what does it take to make a family.  I'm not downplaying the traditional mother/father creator kind of 'normal' family, and love the fact that many of 'ours' have come to us that way.  But both blood and marriage can create bonds of equal power.  And even situations other then blood and marriage can do the same.  I write this way because we had another family get together tonight to celebrate Cindy's 24th birthday.  It was at Johnny's home so both sides were there.  Many are very recent acquaintances and I expect will really be solid as time goes by.  But even with the awkwardness of newness I sense something very real and long lasting.  And I just sit there and marvel about the work being done by the truly great orchestrator.  I am so happy for Sharon's happiness.  And I feel overwhelmed by all the numbers of others who make up this new and improved family that Sheila and I and Kathy share some credit for creating.  It feels so new, yet it feels so old at the same time.  As I get comfortable with it as times goes by may I never take it for granted.  Hopefully I have learned my lesson about how family needs to be treasured and appreciated. 

I have learned that one cannot do everything.  The mind will always be able to conceive of so much more then any day or any person can accomplish.  For some reason I have not made that so firm for me before.  But it came to me this morning:  'you can't do it all.'  Then I wrote:  "in fact, finding and doing the BEST is a major part of the test.  And in that pursuit most of the opposition is distraction.  I used to say that availability is the greatest ability.  Now I think that over coming distraction is one of the greatest abilities or talents that we need to develop. So I tried to determine what I could get done today and then figure what could be orchestrated into the 24 hours of this Saturday, May 19.  Of course I was distracted.  But I planned on that and actually tried to choose the distractions that would fit the bigger game plan for the day.  Tasks big and small were considered and I just plunged in and started working my way through the day.  Being a Saturday I looked to balance some work and some play.  I did make progress, mostly with smaller tasks, but I am now in a good spot as to Monday morning when my next work week will start.  Now I see an even bigger challenge: how do I apply my new idea and plan to a Sunday?  Being Sunday the distractions become more serious because of what Sunday demands of me.  I hope for similar success for tomorrow as I had today, just Sabbath day success.

Somehow I don't feel like my day is complete if I don't have at least a little bit of down time to myself.  And some days the schedule really makes it tough when it is so full of other stuff.  We didn't leave Shelli's until around 9:30 so we didn't get home until 10:15 -10:20  and I went and did my church job, which took an extra long time because I watched somebody drive around the church parking lot for about 20 minutes.  I was figuring that it might be mischief but concluded it was probably a father letting a kid get in some practice time.  Then I caught the last few minutes of a ball game and just sat for awhile.  It was as if I had to rest up to be able to do all the stuff I do before I go to bed.  I do think about not writing this.  It seems quite a burden.  And I wonder about the usefulness of it all.  But a comment every now and then from one of my many (6) followers makes it all seem worthwhile.  I know that it is dull, but that is because I am dull.  I can't write something that is not true, so dull it will probably be most of the time.  Who knows, maybe someday something really exciting will happen and I'll write about that too.  Until then I'll just keep on trying to make sense of it all every night when I keep doing this for whatever reason and keep looking for that pizzazz.

I do realize that there were some 'downs' today.  But I really didn't notice them much because there were so many more 'ups' that came our way.  Mostly though there was just hard work.  I did make a dent, but have so much more to get done.  I had a surprise this morning when Marv showed up just after 7:30 a.m. to go to work.  He told me that he would work one more day and then retire from doing this for me.  He figured that he's been working for me for 20 years.  He's almost 80 and his health is a real problem for him.  I look back and see that 5 of his sons (one still) have worked for me, and I think 2 of his grand sons.  Funny thing, before the day was out Stan called me and asked about his son starting to serve for me.  I hope I can recognize a blessing when I see it.  

 

Today is Sherri's birthday.  Hard to realize how long we have been doing this.  Got to see Colton today.  He turned 3 on Tuesday so he is now in his 4th year.  That is amazing too.  

 

Still have a long way to go in so many ways.  But I'll just keep on plugging away.  Don't get too fast, and don't get too slow.  Just keep on maintaining.

I really am feeling old.  I know that I will never retire, but I sure tire every day, sometimes more then once.  When Richard brought in new work this evening I was torn.  I want (and need) work to give my guys their work, to make money to sustain us all, and I prefer being busy.  BUT I also know what is required when it comes in bunches like today.  And I tire just thinking about it.  But there is good news as well.  I got R C Willey to approve the rate hike.  That was a big relief and it really didn't take much lobbying on my part.  Work things are looking up and I have high hopes that I can climb out of this hole that I have slowly gotten into over the last 3 years.  Lots of factors got me into it, and now lots of factors are working together to hopefully get me out of it.  Life is so complicated.  I never imagined how raising 8 kids would keep on impacting our lives for all of these years, and surely on and on forever.  That's not a complaint.  For for every heart ache there are  many more warm fuzzies.  But all of those still require exertion, or work, if you prefer.  And I guess that growing old just makes work more work.  But I continue to choose this.  It is what I wanted and what I still want. 

Felt a lot like  weekend.  I was concerned that I would not be able to clear my afternoon to go, but it worked out and Sheila and I were able to drive west to the Herriman high school to watch Cortney's region softball game.  Sherri and mother in law got there later and then Richard and Kathy showed up followed by Cicily and her brew.  They all came over to the house after so they could work on Sharon's wedding stuff.  Sheila was tending the kids but in spite of or because of they ended up in the pond.  Their clothes had to be washed so we had naked bottoms sitting around the front room during dinner time.  I did try to help her for a short time, but that Jonah is such a chunk that he is hard to me to handle.  Good thing I did get some work done in the morning cause  my afternoon and evening pitiful as far as work went.  And now I am starting to feel the effects of standing around for that 7 inning 'moment'.  My work has also been slowed because of
Sharon's back injury. Given an extra day she ought to be caught up by tomorrow when Sheila does get over to her place to pick up my office work.  Turned real warm today.  We'll be cranking up the air conditioner real soon, maybe tomorrow.  And in another 3 weeks or so Summer will be here for sure and Sheila's work will be done for the school year.  Could be a real change of routine for her and me.

You'd think that having been around as long as I have I would be able to handle life better.  It is such a roller coaster and I admit that the ups and downs do affect me.  Any given day is full of so many incidences and some are okay, some are negative and some are really nice. Sometimes a day might have a really bad thing too.  I wish that I were immune to all of them.  No highs. No lows.  But I guess a little emotion either way is necessary.  The opposition of it all requires some level of engagement.  So today engaged me.  There were some bright spots and some dull spots.  I lived through them both and now at the end of my day I count a few more positive then negative.   I guess that that makes it a good day.  Would have like more, but settling is important to learn too.  Afet a whole heap of Mondays I don't see today being very different from the other ones.  Coming off of a weekend has its own challenges as well as its good points.  Mostly you get through it and figure that Tuesday will usually build on it and be just that much better, and the week will continue that way.  So Monday, good bye. Hello Tuesday.  And before you know it it'll be Saturday and I'll get ready to start all over again.

I took advantage of a very quiet Sunday by sending my medical report to my doctor via the internet.  He had asked for an update of my #'s after 4 weeks being on a new, additional medication.  He had been concerned about my blood pressure and this was supposed to help it go down.  I was happy to report to him that it does seem to be working.  Those particular #'s went from an average of 124/81 to around 112/76.  He was mostly concerned with the 'bottom' (2nd) #. I believe that is a good result, and I hope that he agrees with me.  (I hope to hear back from him in a few days.)  I had also noticed that my 'blood #' had changed for the better.  Since that new pill that average went from 119 to 106.  He ever said that that kind of thing might happen, so I am especially anxious to hear what he thinks about that.  

 

Last night we went to Angie Burke's wedding reception and were able to visit some people from the old ward.  Some were in really bad health circumstances, and some of those were younger then we are.  It does make me appreciate our state and I believe that my efforts in diet and exercise (push ups) have really pain off.  We don't want to run into those kinds of problems.  We have too many grand kids (and

kids, for that matter) that need us to be around.  (At least I hope that that is the case!)

Didn't do much actual work today but the things that I did do just gradually took all of my energy until I find myself falling asleep while I am sitting here watching basketball on t v.  Our day was pretty much devoted to the Rosbach family.  We drove up for Logan's soccer game at 1 and then Hunter's and Chase's both at 3:30.  Luckily they were on adjacent fields which made it possible to watch both of them.  Add in being with Colton on the playground and just keeping up with him outside and then driving back and forth it was a pretty tiring day.  Then we had a wedding reception in the evening where we actually got out dinner and a chance to visit with some former ward friends at Angie Burke's celebration.  It was nostalgic, but I haven't taken time to think on it much.  Probable will as I am getting ready to retire for the night.  It was a good use of our time today.  Good to get outside of myself and share time with special people.  I am quite looking forward to Mother's Day tomorrow.  Not as much for that as for it being a Sunday without obligation.  Just choir and then church and then nothing.  I'm sure that some will give their mother and grandmother a call, but they really did that last week.  Can't go home teaching and no visits on schedule.  Right now the nothingness of that really appeals to me.  Course we'll have to see how the old Murphy has to say about that.

I tried to make it good for Sheila today for her birthday (yesterday).  It was harder to get her to make the final decisions, but that is because of the quality of person that she is.  That is really the only thing that we argue about:  we want each other to have 'it' and sometimes it is almost comical.  We did a little of that today about where to eat and what movies to watch.  We ended up at the Sizzler and the ordered 2 pay for view movies:  JOYFUL NOISE and WE BOUGHT A ZOO   Some of you have seen them.  We liked both. In fact, I just got back from the church and the pay for view is still on so I called Sheila down to watch the end of JOYFUL NOISE again.  I enjoyed the ending, but the best part was that Sheila was with me.  And she is sitting over there waiting for me so I end, and begin (again).

Happy birthday to my wife.  I guess that I ought to write sweet things to let her know how much I love her.  I do have wishes of things that I would like to do for her.  But our reality is all we have, and it is much more then I could have imagined.  It is all in the very small details and in the constants that are the foundation of our lives.  Its not like I am such a strong, silent type that I never actually say the words.  But I do believe that how you live is more important then what you say.  But I do know that the saying is crucial and needs to happen enough that it doesn't come as a shock when it does occur.  I still consider the events that brought her into my life to be my best moments (then) and far beyond my ability to appreciate what was happening and how much it would change my life.  In my here and now it is only better, and keeps getting better as the days and years go by.  I do see my life as a bit of a dream.  I am finally starting to 'get' it, and what I do get I do like.  I am just glad that life does give us the chance to change and improve, because I look back and see that I wasn't all that much of a catch back then.  I thought I was, but seeing how much I have changed I wonder how she has put put with me.  Hopefully she will continue to do so.

Tomorrow is Sheila's birthday.  Some of the kids came by tonight and started giving the gift that they promised.  Robert turned on the water to the sprinklers and he and Richard dug out a rose bush by the waterfall that she wanted to get rid of.  Kathy and Cicily helped clean up after the mess the pone cleaners left yesterday.  The grand kids helped by testing out the stream and Cicily took pictures.  I gave my supervisory approval and held Jonah for about a minute before Kathy took over.  They were here and then they were gone.  It was a nice visit because it was short and productive and really helped Sheila check off some tasks from her list.  I am not planning anything particular for her birthday tomorrow.  There is a Relief Society dinner that I want her to attend.  (She wants to go too.)  Then we will go out to dinner on Friday, but something special, well, I'm not good at that.  She is used to it by now too.  We just have fun and enjoy each day that we can be together.  Being old, well, we have done pretty much what we wanted to, and we are pretty tired.  But the thing is that we enjoy simple stuff.  Just being together is really nice. And if we have something interesting to talk about it gets really, really nice.  Having the family here doing stuff for her is really, really, really nice.  Get the picture!  

I've put myself in that position again.  It's late.  I'm tired.  I am all out of ideas, but I have to do this before I can go upstairs.  We went to our fhe group for dinner and didn't get home until almost 10:30.  But I am almost too tired to go to bed.  I just want to sit and chill first, but the more I do that the later it gets.  We had our pond's annual cleaning today.  We actually sat outside near the pond while it was filling up.  It is so much nicer to have it cleaned out.  Our 7 fish are all big and fat, but they can't have any kids.  Hopefully it will stay algae free at least for a little while.  I had been asked to do a lesson for our fhe tonight.  I just led a discussion on what a broken heart and a contrite spirit is.  That was enough to keep us going for over an hour.  It was good and we realize that we have grown quite close to the folks in that little group.  Nothing special.  Just ordinary people spending time together and being real.  The week will continue to be busy for Sheila, but not much going on for me the rest of the week--just work and more work and maybe I'll be able to keep on thinking serious thoughts.   

Here I was working through the day meeting challenges and doing difficult things that had become routine for me.  I even thought for a moment how well I do this job that I have been doing for so many years.  I stared my wind down for the day and Sheila reminded me of the indexing on the church website that we wanted to look at.  So after my hour of exercise I called her down and we started going through it.  Yesterday I had attended priesthood meeting and there was a presentation given which I felt gave me a lot of good information.  I felt ready to tackle it and wanted Sheila to see the material and we would be off and running.  They made it sound so simple.  Then we tried to make sense of it and I felt so dumb.  It just confused me and now I doubt whether I will ever get it enough to do it.  I tell myself that its like this whenever something new comes around.  And I know that that is true.  But right now it seems impossible.  All of those folks in the ward and stake that do it are way up there to me.  Maybe, I can't figure it out.  Oh quit it!  You've been here before many times.  Just keep after it.  It will eventually become routine.  I know that.  But this feeling now, well I don't like it.  It is a nasty feeling to face something new that shakes you up and even knowing that eventually I will get it doesn't make me feel any smarter.  Check back again in 6 months!

I hear the footsteps of the last to leave tonight.  Nicholas' train got here even earlier then they thought so they quickly gathered and left.  Now we two are alone.  The house is finally quiet and I am trying to collect my thoughts from this busy Sunday.  I'll try to review but there is so much going on in my head and I am really too tired to do much effective thinking.  So tomorrow takes it all.  The work that has piled up and the thoughts and ideas that have come today and the calendar--especially the calendar.  After the lesson it was total chaos as all these families tried to figure out stuff for the coming summer.  There's the wedding, camps, parades, family outings, birthdays, vacations, Nicholas' farewell, a family reunion, temple sessions and, of course, the normal games and sports camps and other performances.  There they were, sitting around with their 'phones' and 'pads' and Sheila with her 'calendar'.  It was crazy!

 

My big news was that I actually helped in the kitchen this afternoon.  Sheila's big new was that unique, wonderful birthday present that the kids gave to her.  It was a surprise to me even though I had an idea as to what they had in mind.  But it was much more clever and creative then I had imagined.  

 

Now it is my time to end and start: end my day, and start my sleep.

Sometimes it is hard to not be perturbed with some people.  I do realize that we all have to watch out for ourselves and strictly speaking we make selfish decisions.  But it seems that sometimes people just don't think about how their decisions might affect others.  Here we sere tonight doing some babysitting.  I say 'we' but you all know that it is mostly 'her'.  ( did give her a bathroom break once.)  Anyway, Sheilas has spent the day getting ready for out FHE tomorrow night and with the grand kids she was pretty much just focused on that.  Then she gets a phone call from her Primary teaching partner who says that she is in St. George.  Ha ha----no being back here to teach tomorrow.  Pressure, pressure and a lot of angst.  She has been flacky like that since we've known her and getting upset doesn't help.  So Sheila is doing a rush job, and I know that she will do fine.  It is just part of the stuff that simply is, and that you have to put up with.  There are other worries and stuff that you'd like to get along without.  But there is always something.  In my own case most of it is me.  I mess myself up enough that I don't worry a lot about what someone else might do.  Sure I get frustrated at 'them' too.  But they can't do anything that really gets to me more then what I can do to myself.  Its a full time job just trying to be nice to myself.  And the real hard part is trying to figure out how I deserve it.

I feel like I have turned off my brain.  It is the end of my work week and I am so ready to just tune out, at least until morning.  I did get into the office just before 7 this morning, so its not as if I have been lazy today.  But I started turning off about 4 when I got into the shower before we went out to dinner.  We went back to the Sizzler and it was so good.  I admit to overeating and thinking about the starving children did make me feel a little guilty.  But it tasted soo good.  That did contribute to my lack of energy some, but I was ready to crash after one of the busiest weeks that I have worked my way through in a long time.  I am ready for a weekend.  Of course I will work my way through because that is what I do, but it is more fun when the pressure is off.  I do have projects lined up all over the place and I may even get to some of them.  The best part of the weekend will be the family get together on Sunday night.  And then Nicholas will get home late that night.  We'll probably not see him for awhile, but we anticipate his next adventure which we look forward to sharing with him.  Imagine, his freshman year at college is over.  All the kids are a year older, and possibly even wiser.  And me, well I have turned into a...I guess that is really not for me to say.  What do you all say?

I checked to see if there were any comments that I could respond to and that would give me some idea about what I could write about.  But there was nothing, so I have to come up with something about another normal, boring day.  Work, yes, I did work hard.  Productive, again yes.  I got a lot done.  Here it is after 10 and I still want to finish here, take my blood pressure, check the skimmer before I go to bed, (yes, it will be dark when I go out.) and the other parts of my nightly ritual.  I also need a nice, cold drink of water.  Sheila got back from the store and came downstairs with her bottle.  I think I would have had the idea anyway, but her example was enticing.  I feel quite worked up from a long day of work.  I am pretty much ready for morning, but I know that I have lots of work still waiting for me that will take me into Saturday getting it all ready.  There is certainly an advantage to having work.  We pray for it.  We think about it.  And we do not forget to express thanks for it.  But it sure takes a lot of time to actually do it.  I wish that there was another way, but in 65 + years of looking I haven't found it.  Resigned I am, and work I will.  From this day and forever more.  There will always be work to do.  I just look forward to a day when the work is a bit different then what I do now.

I didn't even think that me being here all day is unusual.  Going outside to get the paper, and to get the mail and my just completed walk to the church to do my calling don't seem out of the ordinary.  But when you think about it I am really quite weird.  I guess I'm getting used to it.  Sure, there are times when I think about a more exciting life style.  But 'it is what it is' and I spent years getting to the point where I could do this.  Worth it?  I do wonder.  Can I change it?

I don't think so.  Can I get 'there' from here?  I surely hope so.  But I do declare that the company gets to me.  That is why I relish the time I am able to just sit down and talk with Sheila.  She is my link to the world, and to sanity.  Oh, yeah, I did go into the back yard at least 4 times to wash out the skimmer.  Sheila put some stuff in the pond yesterday to kill off the algae in preparation of the annual clean up scheduled for next Tuesday.  I hope that it'll last until morning because I dread getting up in the middle of the night to do that.  Pumping is one thing, but that is as bad.  I'm still trying to 'think small'.  Kept pretty busy today.  Tomorrow will bring its own challenges.  I wonder if anything exciting will happen.  I can always dream, can't I?

Just got back home and its 10 pm.  I normally do my go-to-bed routine with a wind down-take my time rhythm.  But that is all messed up for tonight.  But it was all for a good cause.  Sherri gave us a call earlier and made us an offer that we couldn't refuse.  Seems that Cortney had 2 basketball games just over here at Juan Diego High School.  So off we went.  And Sheila even stayed through the 2 of them.  She said that bleachers were harmful to her health, but I believe that spending time with her oldest daughter made it worth while.  Cortney's team won the 1st game handily.  With 3.9 seconds in the 1st half they threw the ball into Cortney in the back court and she dribbled over 1/2 court and shot and made it as time expired.  In the 2nd game they pretty much ran out of gas.  The other team played well and had more players and 'our' team couldn't hit a free throw.  (Cortney did make her 2)  But with 2 softball games this afternoon it was quite understandable that Cortney would wear down just a tich.  That was pretty much the highlight of my day.  I did, however, continue my thinking small method and had another pretty successful day.  They never turn out quite as well as I hope for, but usually turn out better then I fear that it might.  New month, new #  (53)  And we saw Shelli's pictures of her 'new' house.  I figure that I will still not be in bed before Sherri gets all of the way home.  But that will be because I just sit and think once I turn off for the day and I just want to have some prime thinking time before I finally give in to my night's sleep.