I have a card here on my desk that says:  "I think it's very healthy to spend time alone.  You need to know how to be alone and not defined by another person."  Oscar Wilde.  I spend a lot of time by myself.  I have for a long time, and I figure that I do it well.  But I know that when it gets toward time for Sheila to get back home I get excited for her to walk through the door.  Often,  I hide to sneak up behind her and surprise her or, I just sit in our bedroom waiting for her.  My day does change when we are together.  And I look forward to events with the family.  I have described myself as a 'hermit' or a 'recluse' and I do play those roles a lot throughout the day.  But I have to admit that I am more of a social person then I have admitted to myself these years past.  I enjoy Sundays to be around our ward friends, and times spent with old friends is always good for me.  My favorite moments are when we are with family.  I wouldn't say that I am particularly glib or socially proficient, but I sure enjoy just ,wherever, watching you-all.  I feel like I fall short in that area, hence, our 'grandparent spring-break' plans, but it is still the part of my life that puts the wind in my sails.  I sometimes wonder how good of a 'grumpa' I really am and if I communicate well enough in that area to you so that you know what each of you mean to me. So, my effort right now is to do my 'hermit' thing well when appropriate, but to also be better when in that other arena.  After-all, ALL of my time is dedicated to the single purpose of family, whether I am alone or with any or all of you-all.

Yesterday I pretty much made me an agenda for the day, not knowing if or how I would be able to accomplish it.  It seems that I always have several ideas in my head about what I would like to do, but as the day goes on those ideas seem to hide and I get distracted or involved and forget about them.  A simple list has often seemed too difficult a task to master, so days and weeks go by and some thing don't get done.  Having them written down yesterday proved very helpful.  And I actually got to. and finished most of them.  We decided against one of them, postponed another, but I did make my 2 doctors appointments.  I even tackled the most pressing task and finished my taxes that will now wait for about 6 weeks before it comes time to pay them.  I did get a call giving me the info on my copy machine.  I need to see how that 'develops'.  After dinner Sheila and I ventured outside in the 'frigid' and got us some new under clothing.  Its been so long that they size differently and we both hope we got the right ones for us.  And finally, we did talk some more about our 'grandparent spring-break' ideas.  But they are still ideas at this point.  As I sit here I am surprisingly excited about the day.  I am also starting to anticipate Sunday next when the family will be here again for our FHE.  Lots can and will happen between now and then, and I hope that I can work hard and be as productive today and continuing forward as I was yesterday.

I wish the same for each of you and your's.

Yesterday I was able to get some good things done, but as is my ilk I don't consider it a great day.  I did have quite a bit to keep me busy, but today is a new day, and a different day.  I foresee more time to pursue some of those 'lesser' tasks.  In my case they are only 'lesser' because they are pushed to the side when I have 'work' stuff that demands my attention.  Today appears to be good for them.  Funny thing though, when I do have the time I tend to slack off and distract myself from productive stuff.  I do not want to do that today.  I have to try hard and keep all of my 'lesser' tasks in my mind so I can work on them as I have the proper time to do so.  You'd think that after so long I would get better at this, but I have also gotten so much better at distracting myself.  It is a cruel irony that one's proficiency for distraction develops right along with the proficiency for accomplishment.  Maybe if I list them I will force myself to remember them.  Let's see:  I need to redo my rough draft of our taxes.  I have a State Farm form to fill out.  I need to call our 'financial advisors' to gather some information.  I have 2 doctors appointments to make for later in the month.  I would like to take Sheila over to Deseret Book and purchase some new garments.  I need to ponder my new 'spring break' idea for grandparent time.  I could use some serious thinking time about misc. financial matters.  I will probably get a bid on copy machine repair vs. a new machine and that will take some consideration.  I can't foretell all that will come along.  I just hope I can keep busy, but not just 'busy-busy'.  I need to be productive and I have my outline there to attend to. I ought to be able to do this. 

I'm ready to start my new week.  I again took the weekend off from writing, so I have some catching up to do.  I see that by last writing on Friday morning I have Friday, Saturday and Sunday to try and remember and find something of import to record.  Of course on Friday the biggest thing was Cortney's game.  It was a really wonderful experience to be there and see her compete.  The fact that they lost didn't really take away much, but I did wish for a different result.  But funny thing is that every game that I watched before and since had a winner and a looser.  Cortney is not a looser and 23 and 1 is a terrific record.  I felt badly for Brooklyn who was competing in her game near the same time and I hope that she realizes that she is such a special young lady in her own right.  This morning before I started this page I saw pictures of her on Facebook and it only confirmed for me what I just wrote.  I look forward to being there in the future when she is playing or performing or whatever it will be that she chooses to put her effort into.  I ended up having to work in my office most of Saturday.  My work had slumped, but Friday and Saturday  (and still today) I had much to do to keep up and get stuff ready to go out to be served.  I admit that it was harder to find my work-week mind set on Saturday, but I did my best and put in what seemed like hours and hours (because it was hours and hours)!  All day Saturday it snowed and I thought about hibernatint again.  But we did not for we both had teaching responsibilities, but would have been to church anyway.  the rest of  my Sunday was really strange.  Sheila had set up some visiting teaching appointments so she was gone when I got home after choir practice.  When she did get home she only had 15 minutes before she had to leave again to tend Robert's kids for what we thought might be the whole evening.  I had eaten and read the paper and came across the information that Cortney had been voted to the 4-A tournament team!  I was fortunately to be the one to inform her (and them) of that.  For me that was quite a thrill, and I still feel a boost when I remember it.  Sheila did get back much earlier that we supposed and we had dinner together.  I had moved the new chair closer to the small tv and horrified  my good wife by eating my meal sitting there watching tv.  I know that any mishap would be unforgivable so I was extremely careful.    After that I was pretty much wasted for the day.  So I went to bed early and now I am up and at it for this new work week and I am finished here with the events of the lasts 3 days.  And I am getting used to the feeling of 'overwhelmedness' that is becoming my norm and while it is certainly  not comfortable to me yet I am started to get used to it and will hopefully learn to use it to motivate me and not to defeat me.

I realized that I do have opportunities to get excited in my own life.  I wrote a card that sits on my desk and say:  "What is a win?"  It helps me see that I have 'wins' in my life all of the time.  I so often overlook them or fail to define them as such, but they are there.  Yesterday I found one when Sheila walked in the kitchen from work and I saw her face when she saw her new furniture.  She said 'wow' many times and was quite taken with the sight.  That was a win for me.  Later on Cortney's game was a win for me too in a different way.  Several of our family was there which made it all the better.  I had wins in my work and in my time with Sheila.  I had wins in my study and in my routine stuff that contributes to my total day.  I even had a win when I tested my blood and took my blood pressure.  I have become so good at downplaying stuff, but I need to get smarter and 'see' what is going on around me.  Today has lots of new opportunities for wins.  I am really beginning to see my journey in a new light.  I don't understand why is looking this way to me.  Like I said:  "I have become so good at downplaying stuff".  But that is changing.  I am changing.  Life is changing for me.  Is it a phase?  I hope not.  It feels permanent and real.  Maybe I have taken another step for good in my journey.  I'm not going to fret about why.  I am just going to accept it as real, work with it and seek a new definition to my life.  After all, isn't it true that each new day is the beginning of the rest of our lives?

I remember way back when I was a teenager.  One thing that I really enjoyed doing was playing basketball.  I had even tried out for the high school team, and was told that I came close, but did not make it.  I know that my skills were flawed, but for church ball at least I played.  During the season it seemed as though I lived week to week for that game on Thursday night.  I can remember the excitement I felt anticipating game days.  My performance rarely met my expectations, but I do still have positive flashbacks of times (mostly in pick up games over the summer) when I did well, even got int the 'zone' on occasions.  Of course, that time is long gone.  Now I take pleasure in lots of other stuff.  I was going to write: 'but not physical stuff', but that is not exactly accurate.  I do take great pleasure in my push ups, morning and night, and yesterday I helped Richard and Sheila move our old furniture downstairs to make room for our new stuff scheduled for today.  (That physical effort almost did me in, but was 'fun'.)  And, mostly, I take pleasure from a state of well being that is a result of my push ups, my healthy eating and my general level of activity, while not much compared to some (even older), but better then the average.  Today I (we) will be there to watch Cortney's game.  It is a pleasure to see her perform.  I envy her this opportunity.  And I am so proud of the kind of person that she is.  I say the same for all of our children and grandchildren.  To watch them learn and grow is a huge part of my own journey and I hope that in the end I will have made some kind of a small contribution to their success.  They certainly do that for me and mine.

Sheila is sitting here in my office with me with her coat on and her hair net holding in her 'rogue' hair getting anxious to get to work on time.  But she is also trying to finish the 3 articles that I printed off and gave her about Cortney and her game yesterday.  She just left having finished 2.  We attended the game which was a convincing win and hopefully a good omen for the next 3 days.  But others won too and the tournament continues.  As for me, I want to just concentrate on my work today and, if possible, my study project and a couple of tasks that await my attention.  Earlier, upstairs, Sheila asked about the need to get our 'old' furniture out of the way so there will be room for the 'new' furniture which is supposed to arrive tomorrow.   So I should have plenty to keep me busy, so my biggest task will be to simply get into the mood (mode) to do what needs doing.  Yesterday, I was able to enjoy my blender juice experience.  Green slime can taste good, and Sheila even agreed when she tried some of her own later when she got back from her work.  We figure we will continue to learn more and experiment and try to use the machine for one 'meal' a day.  There is so many ways to go.  I wonder what I will try today when I get to a break and fuel myself.  Much of this week will revolve around Cortney, but we do have other stuff going on.  We have a dinner engagement with Jeff and Shauni on Friday, and Sheila is working on something for the twins birthday and needs to get time with Cic.  I am expecting (and hoping) for my work to get back to normal after a short slump, but am excited with my 'study project' which I am really enjoying doing.  Shelli said that she will try to make the game tomorrow.  It will be fun to have as many as we can there to cheer them on and if they keep on it will be even better.

I have some catching to do.  I took my 3 day weekend literally and have not written for 3 days.  It wasn't that my days were not good days and worthy of recording.  It was my 'routine' that got disrupted.  My best memory from Saturday was during the 'pm' when we had our family visit to the temple.  It was just 4 couples that were able to come, but it was our oldest 3 (Sherri, Sharon and Richard) and it was a special evening.  My Sunday was good too.  After a couple of weeks 'off' it was good to get back to our word family and enjoy the spirit there.  Then I spent much of my day (as I had on Saturday) in study of my new 'obsession'.  Then came Monday.  My routine was completely obliterated.  I took my wife shopping!  Yes, we bought the furniture that she has been wanting for a long time.  Delivery is scheduled for Thursday and it is hard to tell who is happier: her for finally getting it or me for being able to do it with her.  My day had been changed so that work was not possible so we also went to dinner (Chuck-a-rama).  Oh yeah, we bought a new blender and if I didn't ruin it already we will start on a new and better eating regimen.  I must admit, however, that my very first effort was plain carrots and it wasn't very tasty.  I hope to get better.   Today is Cortney's first state tourney game and plan on being there.  So far my plan for my day isn't very clear:  so much to do and yet little things here and there with no real big theme task to define my day.  I guess the game is that and so I don't expect me to be much in a working mood the rest of the day.  At least, I did get this task finished, but the rest of the day is up in the air.

Of course it is easier on some days to do this.  I have noticed that everything I do can be described that way.  Sometimes my push ups are actually quite easy (like this morning) and sometimes I really struggle (like last night).  So why should writing in my journal be any different?  I have had times when the thoughts came to me even the night before or during my early morning pondering.  Other times I had nothing in mind until I sat down and started typing.  But rarely have I started and not had something come.  I can't speak for how profound or entertaining I am, but except for that forgetful glitch of Wednesday (and others) I do it pretty consistently.  It seems to start my day off (now), and along with other of my personal rituals it completes my day for me.  I know that we are all in our own personal journey while, at the same time, joined together.  Sometimes it is simple and sometimes it seems very complicated.  Sometimes it makes sense, while at other times....

 

I try very hard to not let the 'outside' determine how my day will be.  It needs to be what comes from my 'inside'.  That is very, very hard for me to do.  And eventually the two have to be balanced and considered for what they can add, but ultimately the 'inside' has to be the priority.  I am slowly learning how to do that and I know that it is the right way to go.  I am blessed to share my journey with all of you and my hope if for pleasant navigation now and for togetherness when our journeys are completed.

It was so far from my mind that I didn't even suspect that I had plain skipped my journal entry yesterday.  I realized that because my routine was changed I had overlooked it.  I should have realized it when Sheila showed me the newspaper that she brought in when she got home from her work at 11:30.  I had forgotten that too.  I thought about how it happened and remembered that Sheila was to blame.  I had gotten up earlier then normal because I had to do a task in the office.  Richard has served a 'special' the night before and I had to create a 'return' and fax it off to the attorney so he'd have it for a hearing at 8:30.  I was on the way when Sheila surprized me by asking about Cortney's game. I had checked the night of, but it wasn't recorded yet. So it was after 6:30 when we came down and I found the result for the two of us.  Then Sheila was off and I sent off my fax.  (Cortney's team crushed their opponents to end their regular season 21 and 0!!)  I went upstairs to dress and decided to come back down when ready and look up more about Bonneville and Cortney and printed off an article about her game last week which quoted her a lot.  That was the distraction that took me out of my game plan, hence no entry and no newspaper.  I kept busy all day and thought about what I have decided is a 'divine signature' for Sheila and I and am wondering why it is that it is so easy to see them in the lives of others, but hard to admit in your own life. I am going to try and ponder that a lot today.

I'm feeling a little out of contact with my family this morning.  I did see the picture Phil posted of their broken toilet and the cause of that incident.  But we found out yesterday that Robert and Cicily have been in Arizona for several days and we didn't even know.  There haven't been any recent activity on Shelli or Cicily's blog. Haven't seen Sharon lately, or Shauni. (since fhe, I know) And I have hardly talked to any of the family except Richard and only at work.  Did see Sherri a week ago in Hyrum. But  I am feeling quite unconnected.  I hope that the situation finds remedy this week.  Course, it is partly our fault.  Our week of celebration did take us into our own world, and Sheila told me that she had gotten text messages that she received way after the fact and therefore did not respond to.  And I know that I am not the out-reaching sort.   So I understand the why.  I am just lamenting the fact that it is what it is.  We did go into a different place last week and have decided that in some ways we do not want to return all the way back to our 'normal' world.  As some of you know, our circumstances have seen some remarkable changes and while we are really blessed we are trying our best to be very cautious about how we proceed.  We were there once before, long ago, and things did not work well for us.  Now, we are really being diligent about the decisions that we will make in the future.  I find that there is so much that I just don't know enough about yet and I have so much that I need to learn.  Being 'retired' I am faced with a new circumstance that I am so green at that I feel like I'm back in elementary school again.  So much to learn, and so little time.  It's funny.  I have thought that I was doing so well, and now I am seeing so much that I do not know.  And, I am not only talking about this 'in the world' stuff that I need to quickly come to grips with.  But my horizon of my 'of the world' stuff has broadened out so much that that also overwhelms me.  I want so much to be a better kind of a person (maybe even reach towards the level of my wife) and find that I play a role in His 'orchestration'.  But 'I am only an egg' while I thought that I had grown so much more.  (You may have to ask me about that one.)  But the one thing that I hold to is that I feel that we are all a part of the 'marvelous work and a wonder' that is hastening the work, and maybe what I am going through is simply feeling the result of that hastening necessity.

This morning I feel like I have returned from a vacation and I need to just do 'regular' stuff in order to continue to recuperate.  Yesterday was a most relaxing day, but now I am back to a sort of reality.  Our week of celebration was great, but our 'ordinary' life is the best part.  I have a lot of memories in my head from the movies and our talks and the week in  general and I am in a 'sorting process' with all of those ideas.  It was an eye opener to see LINCOLN and understand who was really in charge then and orchestrating history so the 'plan' was followed.  One man made a difference, but there were many, many others put in a proper place that made it all happen.  Having the light of the gospel really helped to see what was actually going on back in 1865.  Then the 2 Lord of the Rings movies have me doing work sorting and thinking on this life long battle of good vs. evil.  You know, with what we have been blessed with we really do know and understand so much more then 'they' did.  I have decided that I do know enough to quit my quibbling about understanding more and just live what I know.  I don't need answers as much as I need doing what's right.  I see and understand enough to 'get there from here'.  So that is what I need to do.  The light will continue to come as I do and act and believe and serve.  Do you realize that you know enough already?  You already have what it takes.  You and I just need to DO it.  Help me and I will try to help you.  Deal?

We had plans to go to conference last night and then this morning.  But we didn't.  Sheila suggested that we 'hibernate' when it started to snow and she just liked the idea of kind of hiding from the world and staying in our warm home and not go anywhere.  I didn't take too much convincing, but we did make sure that our time was not wasted, but used in positive ways due to it being Sunday and all.  It was actually a pretty good decision and a good opportunity to catch up on 'nothing' after doing so much 'something' for the entire week.  We made sure we were up and ready to watch 'Music and the Spoken Word' because we had watched the practice on Thursday and it was kind of the 2nd half of something.  Then we watched Mormon Times on tv which was the first time that we had taken a chance to do that.  Then we took about 2 hours to just talk.  It was a good time.  I napped for some time and then we had our dinner.  Later tonight we will watch a Lord of the Rings movie on tv which will augment that Hobbit movie we saw last Wednesday.  During our talk we discussed lots that we need and want to do for our future.  It is so nice to have today, but also so nice to get back to our 'normal' life tomorrow when Monday rolls around at 6 in the morning.  We were surprised to realize that February is now 1/3 done.  So far 2013 has been good, and especially our last week.  It was just the celebration that we wanted and needed.  And despite Sheila's apprehension that the family will think we were too 'splashily' we really only spent about what she spent on the paint and stuff for the paint and stuff for the 'remodel' and she did admit that our week certainly was not 'boring'.  And we did deliver the 'groceries' literally on Saturday when I actually took her to Costco where we bought a few things and then stopped at Zupa's again for our breakfast/lunch before going home to hang out before our 'hibernation' began.   I have decided that last week was really neat and will influence our future more then I can imagine.  What a neat 44 years it has been, and boy am I stoked about what lies ahead!!!

Our week is winding down, and so are we.  Last night was our 2nd late night movie of the week, and even-though Saturday morning allowed for us to sleep in until 8:30 the toll is being paid, but I believe that the weekend will be the proper antidote.  I had balked at LINCOLN on Wednesday, but that is where we went last night.  I enjoyed it and it taught me just how amazing Father's time line is and how it is orchestrated.  Earlier we had eaten at the Asian Buffet which is one of our regulars.  Now we have to decide how to end up our week.  Breakfast was an option, but we both are pretty much not ready to eat yet, so the decision will be between lunch and dinner.  I have so many smaller tasks on my agenda.  Some are more pressing then others, but it will be hard to squeeze in the down time that I want with the tasks that are begging for my attention.  I know that Sheila is in the same boat.  All we know for sure right now is that our Stake Conference meeting is at 7 tonight and then tomorrow.  Other then that our day is pretty sketchy.  Oh, on Thursday the ss lady finally called back for Sheila (she had been sick and not avoiding her like Sheila had begun to wonder) and got my wife signed up for social security spousal benefits.  When we were at The Roof I ventured to speak to a young lady who was there celebrating their 11th wedding anniversary.  I asked her what 'the gift' was for 11 years.  She did not know, but found our gift of 'groceries' amusing.  So, now after a week of delivering I believe that it is time to go on to the real gift and that not just for a day or even a lifetime.  Valentine's Day next week will not be much of a big deal for us (never has been), but just another day of delivering and enjoying what has been and continues to be my greatest gift.  I hope the same for all of you.  Don't expect 'roses' all of the time, but learn to enjoy the 'groceries' that represent the days that you are blessed with to just be together in this journey of ours.

We started the day (2/7/13) uncertain as to what we would be doing.  I had had online trouble trying to make reservations and so I feared that it would not happen.  I had to wait until 11 this morning to call, but when I did I was quickly able to confirm our original plan.  During the day my wife took the car to have our headlamp replaced as we found that it had worn out.  She also got the oil changed and new wiper blades.  I got my office work up to date (sort of) and we got prettied up and left before 5.  We took Trax uptown and had a really wonderful meal.  (Trax-$9.40  food $110.00 w/a generous tip[our most expensive meal of the week, but the best--it was really scrumptious and as much as I ate it didn't spike my blood #]).  Then we went over to the 'square' and saw the temple model (per Sherri) and then into the tabernacle for the choir practice (not chiropractor, Sheila will need to do that soon-next Monday)) where we just relaxed as best we could with full bellies and very hard benches.  We actually spent almost 2 hours there listening to the orchestra and choir rehearse.  I,m not sure how much Sheila enjoyed it (hard benches mostly), but I was quite immersed in the music.  Seeing the antics of actual people singing was a little bit different from seeing them during conference on tv.  It was really cold, but our wait not too bad for our ride home.  We only got hit up once for a 'motel 6 donation' by a guy and his 'wife'.  We made it home (with good headlights) by 10:30 and I proceeded to stay up until almost 2 watching the 2 BYU ball games on tape delay (1-1).  We did sleep in until 8:15 this morning and my first chore when I got into my office was to check up on Cortney's game.  I found that I could have watched it on 'live-stream' if I had been home last night.  Then I looked at the score and saw that I only missed seeing Cortney doing very, very well in a most lopsided game (72-23!!)  I called upstairs and told Sheila and she just said that it was because she wasn't there that Cortney played so well.  (humbug!)  Saw that a young sister in our ward got called to serve in Japan.  Now we have a whole day ahead of us with no firm plans yet.  But we will do something (sorry Shelli, no bowling! and we also decided against that couples massage.)    So far we have enjoyed quite a week, and we have 2 more days to go. 

The actual anniversary has now come and gone, but the celebration continues. We planned on it being more low keyed, mainly in the food area.  And then I had so much work to do that it was a pretty normal work day until about dinner time.  We went to Zupas for soup and salad.  I had shrimp and sausage gumbo and we both had pina colada salads.  ($17.23)  Then at 8 we went to see The Hobbit and got home at 11.  ($12.50) (I remembered that I hadn't listed the $8 it cost to get into Cortney's game on Tuesday.)  Even-though it was a productive work day and I was mostly concentrated on that I was also able to ponder on the wonder of 'us'.  I find it hard to use words, even in my own head to describe the way that I feel.  They seem so inadequate to the task.  It has taken 44 years to make and it takes more then mere words to define.  One thing I know: 'we' understand the meaning of it all, and 'we' are grateful for 'it' and 'us'.  (And now look at what 'us' has turned in to!)

 

Right now I am not sure what today will bring.  I was frustrated in my efforts to secure reservations for tonight.  So I am considering a plan b as well as a plan c.  Regardless of the plan it will all be good. 

 

Last night driving home late was quite an adventure.  It was so foggy that driving was a problem.  And our head lights seemed to have about died.  We need to address that before we do any more night driving.  That might also affect our plans for tonight.  Whatever, we do know that we have each and all of you on our minds and in our heart as we continue to celebrate today.  

Well, today is the actual day, but the whole week will be our celebration.  Yesterday was our biggest travel day.   We put on near 200 miles.  As was our plan, we dined at Maddox's in Perry, Utah.  Sheila had been thinking prime rib, apparently for some time, and was concerned that they might not have it available.  But they did and she ordered a 'small' cut which ended up being big enough for the two of us.  I considered bison (buffalo), but decided on lamb.  Both our meals were excellent.  Even the well-water was better.  Last night was alright, but this meal was wonderful.  The total was $50.00. (a lot more then $15.00 better!)  Cortney's game was a treat too.  Pretty, not exactly. but dominating, mostly.  It was a contest of a lesser team scrapping and fighting against a better team.  The outcome was never really in doubt, but the action was intense.  A good one to learn from. Cortney said that she was pretty mad during the game.  She had been doubled and singled out for some pretty aggressive treatment.  I'm sure that she will see that a lot more in the future.  She will only get better being tested this way. Our trip home was marked by the highlight of being passed (didn't know it at the time) by our oldest daughter, who apparently learned how to drive from her father.   We reviewed our day and agreed on it as a keeper.  We still have to decide just what today will bring.  But so far the 'groceries' are being delivered!

Sheila told me yesterday that she wasn't going to count our family meal on Sunday as # 1 of our anniversary week.  I didn't have to cook, but she did and that disqualified it despite its magnificence for her.  So, for her, last night was # 1 (2 for me).  We went to the Texas Roadhouse early enough to get that early special price and I actually did order off that menu, although I was tempted with the more pricy variety.  It seemed a pretty normal eating out time, but being Monday made it different.  And as the week continues I believe that we may even tire a little of being served our food.  But, some of the more tasty and special places are still to come.  Tonight, for example, we will dine way up in Perry, Utah at the Maddox Ranch House Restaurant on our way to Hyrum, Utah (Mountain Crest High School) for Cortney's basketball game.  It will be a long trip with a lot of driving, but as I think about it I realize that long trips with my co-pilot are as 'delicious' as fine meals are.  So I look forward to all of the trip.  On special event days like these I have a tendency to overlook the joy of plain old office work.  I hope to not do that today.  I want to just dive in and work hard and get done what I can before our adventure begins this mid-afternoon.  Oh, by the way, so far $35.00 is the tab.  (for those of us who are counting)  I feel quite rested, and kind of excited to see how this week will continue to play out.  Never done such a thing before, probably never will again.  So one down (2?) and five more to go on our 44 grocery special anniversary week celebration.   

This is my report of day one of our 'grocery anniversary week'.  I wasn't thinking of including Sunday in this celebration, but as it started to take shape and I stood in the chaos of the family gathering just before we started eating and looked at the spread before us it seemed appropriate to use it as a start of the week to commemorate our marriage of 44 years.  In retrospect I believe that it was a good choice.  The day and evening were both fulfilling (in different ways!).  I really did enjoy the hectic noise of the evening.  After-all, here we were with most of my very favorite people together and seeming to enjoy the opportunity.  I did tell them about our plans for the week, but they have changed a little as we have felt to modify them a little bit.  For example, tonight we are going to the Texas Roadhouse instead of Log Haven.  We still plan on what we decided for most of the rest of the week, but certainly there could be some modification.  I admit that it is an extravagant plan.  But I do want it to be something special for my 'something special'.  Usually we are a little dull, and maybe just going out to dinner (or lunch) seven times in a week is also dull.  But we do have a couple of other things going on, and what wife wouldn't appreciate not having to cook like this for a whole week?    If we balance it with a few 'cheaper' meals it won't be so extravagant, but Maddox's and The Roof are must-dos for us in such a special time.  We are planning on many more anniversaries, but really, who knows just what the future holds.  Maybe the earth will end next month!  But if that happens at least I will have recorded our seven days of 'groceries' and then some. 

When Sheila read my last entry her first comment was"  "I was thinking of a new car."  Then she asked me what 'shysters' meant.  It made for an interesting conversation as I was able to convince her that I had written a really interesting piece.  I guess that it really should have been 'brothers and sh-isters' though.  Last night we talked to Sherri about Cortney's ball game from Thursday.  Sherri said that she didn't like the game at all.  When I printed off the Tribune and Ogden papers articles about the game I understood why.  The difference between Cortney's 1st half and her 2nd half would have been frustrating and then her hitting the game winning 3 with about 10 seconds would have turned her mother's nerves into knots.  Grandma also expressed that she would not have enjoyed that game because of the stress.  It was a good game for them to learn from, but learning can sometimes be painful.  Anyway, my Saturday is nearly over.  I had to do a lot more work today then I wanted to do.  So my Saturday wasn't the normal relief that it is usually.  But I intend to finish here and then just chill in my room before I finally go to sleep.  I will do my 4th 62 and invite the opportunity to tell how my experience was used in the Relief Society meeting on Thursday last.  Jennifer Hilbig told me that I might have sisters coming up and wanting to feel my muscles.  If you are curious you could ask me or the good wife.  I just need some good chill time right now and then change gears for the Sabbath and our FHE tomorrow night.  Sheila just tapped me on the shoulder.  Didn't scare me, but she did sneak up on me.  So now I will sit with her here for a few moments while she reads this and then Shelli's catch up blog entry.  Then I will go chill.

Early this morning my mind was sorting through the ideas from the last couple of days.  I was pondering on a contest of ideas that I've dealt with all along my journey.  I wasn't able to decide what I wanted to be when I grew up (until very recently) and I remember considering striving for excess (success) in areas that would bring me fame and/or fortune.  They were never bad ideas, but something always made me dismiss worldly achievement and 'settle' for just trying to be a good Mormon and 'available' for service there.  During the years I never felt like I really achieved much.  Life was pretty normal and in a worldly way: dull.  Even to this day I am not able to judge  my life worthy of accolade.  I just did what I did and in most cases not very much, and not very well.  I am just barely learning that I have been wrong to a degree.  Here I am, 66 years old, still working, the house isn't even paid off, and we struggle (not necessarily a bad thing) to keep on keeping on.  (My social security will definitely help out in that area.)  I see the process we have been in about celebrating our 44th wedding anniversary as an example of this too.  We could be extravagant (especially now with a pending s.s. payment), but we choose not to.  If we can just get Sheila's dream list finished, well, that is what we really want, and maybe a 2nd car (used, of course).  Then a different idea started to force its way into my consciousness.  Maybe I have been wrong.  Maybe Sheila is right when she tells me that I have been too hard on myself.  Maybe I had all along just what I wanted, and just didn't see it.  Maybe I'm much closer to my 'measure' then I ever dreamed.  Consider the following:

 

"SH" ISTERS

It was given to me this morning to understand that I am a very rich man.  I just used the above (Sh-isters) to illustrate that blessing, but it goes beyond that.  To me it represents not only our daughters, but our sons and all of the in-laws and grand kids.  To me it represents family.  When I ponder on 'that' I really feel something wonderful and powerful.  I still don't see how I did much for all of that to have happened, but I am so blessed that it did happen.  I see each of you in my mind's eye and feel your persona in my heart.  And I am thrilled.  I have 'joy and rejoicing' as promised and it completes me.  In another way is motivates me.  I want so much to be worthy of that.  I want you to feel good about me and what I am.  And when I beat up on myself, I don't.  I feel that you are so much better then I was and am.  I have such faith in your success.  And I share your triumphs and your pain.  Sheila and I sometimes talk about how your hurt is more painful then our own hurt.  We would have it that you never suffer, but we know that that is just not possible.  So we stand by and wait to see if and how we can help.  Sometimes you don't ask and sometimes you do.  Sometimes we give our advice anyway.  Sometimes you listen and sometimes you dont'. 
We understand that.  You are mean't to live your own life (lives).  Just don't ever think that you are living in isolation.  You are never singular.  You have been, and now are and always will be a significant part of this family.  I am just learning that and I hope that you know that to be true too.  (shisters--pretty good, huh!)