Early this morning my mind was sorting through the ideas from the last couple of days.  I was pondering on a contest of ideas that I've dealt with all along my journey.  I wasn't able to decide what I wanted to be when I grew up (until very recently) and I remember considering striving for excess (success) in areas that would bring me fame and/or fortune.  They were never bad ideas, but something always made me dismiss worldly achievement and 'settle' for just trying to be a good Mormon and 'available' for service there.  During the years I never felt like I really achieved much.  Life was pretty normal and in a worldly way: dull.  Even to this day I am not able to judge  my life worthy of accolade.  I just did what I did and in most cases not very much, and not very well.  I am just barely learning that I have been wrong to a degree.  Here I am, 66 years old, still working, the house isn't even paid off, and we struggle (not necessarily a bad thing) to keep on keeping on.  (My social security will definitely help out in that area.)  I see the process we have been in about celebrating our 44th wedding anniversary as an example of this too.  We could be extravagant (especially now with a pending s.s. payment), but we choose not to.  If we can just get Sheila's dream list finished, well, that is what we really want, and maybe a 2nd car (used, of course).  Then a different idea started to force its way into my consciousness.  Maybe I have been wrong.  Maybe Sheila is right when she tells me that I have been too hard on myself.  Maybe I had all along just what I wanted, and just didn't see it.  Maybe I'm much closer to my 'measure' then I ever dreamed.  Consider the following:

 

"SH" ISTERS

It was given to me this morning to understand that I am a very rich man.  I just used the above (Sh-isters) to illustrate that blessing, but it goes beyond that.  To me it represents not only our daughters, but our sons and all of the in-laws and grand kids.  To me it represents family.  When I ponder on 'that' I really feel something wonderful and powerful.  I still don't see how I did much for all of that to have happened, but I am so blessed that it did happen.  I see each of you in my mind's eye and feel your persona in my heart.  And I am thrilled.  I have 'joy and rejoicing' as promised and it completes me.  In another way is motivates me.  I want so much to be worthy of that.  I want you to feel good about me and what I am.  And when I beat up on myself, I don't.  I feel that you are so much better then I was and am.  I have such faith in your success.  And I share your triumphs and your pain.  Sheila and I sometimes talk about how your hurt is more painful then our own hurt.  We would have it that you never suffer, but we know that that is just not possible.  So we stand by and wait to see if and how we can help.  Sometimes you don't ask and sometimes you do.  Sometimes we give our advice anyway.  Sometimes you listen and sometimes you dont'. 
We understand that.  You are mean't to live your own life (lives).  Just don't ever think that you are living in isolation.  You are never singular.  You have been, and now are and always will be a significant part of this family.  I am just learning that and I hope that you know that to be true too.  (shisters--pretty good, huh!)