I guess that I am used to what life is.  I understand what is required and for what results.  So my life has become much more a 'choose and realize' kind of thing.  I know that when I am 'diligent' I feel the positive rewards, and when I slack I feel those results too.  I pretty much 'get what I pay for'.  But I know that there is also something more to 'it'.  Often we don't really get 'what we pay for' because we do get blessings beyond our 'wages' and are saved from some 'paybacks' in ways that we don't quite understand, but call 'blessings' when we understand a little.  I have, however, arrived at a point in my life where I am aware that I pretty much control my results by choosing the way that I do.  I know what to expect. And yet, I still settle for less so often that I wonder about my smarts and why I do what I do.  I am able to blame some of it on my age, both good and bad:  I am older and therefore I am wiser and do often choose better, but I am older and feel effects that tend to make me less energetic to choose what I know will be for good.  In other words I sometimes feel just too tired to do what I ought to do.  So I have learned something of using my mind more and better because I don't seem to get too tired to think and actually find it a most rewarding exercise.  But thinking can only do so much.  There is much that I simply have to 'do', fatigue or not.  That is an area that I am trying to improve in.  So here I am near the beginning of a new day of opportunity.  Already done with a number of tasks, but with most of my day ahead of me I am actually excited to see if I can do it well.  I know that my day will be just how I choose it to be.

The weekend has come and gone.  It was good, and it had some down moments.  The best part was the feeling I had when I thought about or we talked about that dirty dash that several of our kin (all female) participated in.  We did see the two pictures on Facebook and got to talk some with Cicily about it.  Sheila did talk to Sherri and Shelli on the phone, but I want to see more pictures and hear  more about it from them.  Sheila and I were really happy about how much fun they had.  While they were there Robert was here working with his mother to help her get some rooms cleaned out and organized for Sharolyn's gang in about a week.  He didn't ask much of me because he said that I was 'too fragile' but Sheila talked me into actually getting rid of some stuff that she said that I was 'hoarding'.  Our Sunday was good and quiet, but quite filled up with serious pondering along with some time together watching a 'good for Sunday' show on tv.  Sheila decided to start her new routine at 6:30 this morning and is now outside pulling weeds.  I am into really trying to figure me out as to where I am n my life paying attention to my level of faith and realizing that there is so much more for me to learn about everything, but right now: humility and diligence.  It is a really weird time for me.  What I want and what I need are battling out inside of  me.  And I admit that that creates lots of confusion for me.  Not that I don't know what to do, I just don't know what to do!  Anyway, with everything going on there is lots of neat things happening and I am enjoying life so much.  Its just that it does bring a lot of 'stuff' with it.  Choices, choices choices!

Right now I feel like I am retired, or at least on vacation.  Since last Saturday our lives have been one big party time.  Saturday was that special day in Manti which included lunch.  Sunday was our FHE which included dinner.  Monday night we were invited to the Desert Star Playhouse which included dinner, and on Tuesday it was Bryant's birthday which included dinner.  For some unknown reason I invited my wife our on Wednesday night for dinner (what was I thinking?)  And yesterday, (Thursday) we were invited to the graduation ceremony for Linzi and Colton, which we found out later on included dinner (at the Rodizio Grill, no less!).  Sheila did mention that tomorrow (today) was our regular date night (which includes dinner), but I am not yet convinced that I can handle it.  I need to relax and go back to work first so I can get my strength back in order to be up for whatever we decide to do.  I slept in until around 6:30 and Sheila is still sleeping as it is her first day of vacation from work so this Friday has not yet been planned.  At least we did met our need for protein yesterday!  And no, Zach did not have to eat snake or zebra, but he did like the Swordfish. I don't figure my life will change much, but for Colton and Linzi, well, it is that time when your life rolls our in front of you.  My 'roll' is long behind me, but still some left ahead, and I am just as excited for that portion of mine as they are for their's. 

I'm in my office earlier then usual. While we were getting dressed I asked Sheila about what we would do starting tomorrow when she doesn't have to set the alarm for 6 to get up to go to work.  Funny how routines are imposed on us due to certain circumstances.  I have actually felt pretty good about my morning routine, but I know me. I have never described myself as much of a  morning person.  One of my new challenges is how to deal with the fact that my light fixture in my office died yesterday.  It has been a problem, but when we got back from Bear Lake (last year!) it had fixed itself and I kept it on all of the time because I didn't trust it to come back on if I turned it off.  Well, yesterday morning it 'fizzed' and died.  I was able to coax a 2nd desk lamp into light with a new bulb and I put a call in to 'my' electrician.  But I'll just do what I can until it can be replaced or fixed or whatever.  (Yes, there is always something!)  I guess that you are all pretty busy right now.  There are 2 grand kids graduating from their high school today.  And soon a move 'back home' for some.  All kinds of travel plans during the next couple of months, and birthdays all over the calendar.  And like I stared out, these two oldsters have a change ourselves.  It makes me examine things and I notice that other things have or will change too.  We have a bit of envy for friends that we know who are on missions or retired or seem to be living easy.  But we really like where we are.  The challenges are the same:  some easier and some harder, but still pretty much what all of you are facing.  We don't spend much time wishing because our reality takes up all of our time.  But it sure could be  lot worse.  The best part of it is that we are together. 

By the time I get into my office I figure that I have accomplished several tasks to get my day off to a good start.  I do wake up when Sheila's alarm goes off at 6, but I don't necessarily get up then.  (Tomorrow is her last day of work for the school year and I really don't know how that will change our routine.)  I try to exercise my 'little grey cells' by reviewing my thoughts and insights from my  night of study, and find a thought or a theme or some kind of an inspiration to carry into my day.  Then I get up and read my chapter.  This morning it was Alma 1.  (I also reviewed a page from the next priesthood lesson for next week that I read yesterday that was on my mind from my 'review'.  I find that Pres. Snow's teachings to be quite terrific and worthy of much consideration and I do feel a connection to him and his sister, Eliza, seeing as how we have been in their home where they grew up back in Ohio.)  I do my blood test and then I do my push ups (66 now) and this morning I showered and dressed.  Before I leave my room I do have the privilege of my kneeling prayer, and then it is time to face the world and 'commute' to my work.  From there my work days do have a lot in common, but they are always different in some way. ( As yours are.)   Today should prove to be less hectic then yesterday was or tomorrow will be.  So we, two, need to take advantage of what is offered and recoup a bit. Still do have lots more on my plate then I can handle, so I just live each moment as it come and do what I can.  I have my 'reminder ring on my reminder finger' to remind me that I need to test my blood pressure today.  I have let that slide for way to long.  My doctor thinks it is important, so I need to get some testing recorded for him.  Me, I am not worried about it, but then he is the doctor.  (5th of June already!  can't hardly believe it!)

I'm figuring to get back on track today.  I have work enough to do 'ere the sun goes down' and I  hope to get into this work mode and keep it going most of the day.  It's not that yesterday was wasted.  I was able to be active and I tried to use my free time in my studies and to do some very hard pondering.  And I feel good about that.  But I was operating on a lesser energy level and I ended up leaving some tasks undone that I should have addressed.  You have heard that old idea about giving the important tasks to the busy person.  I know that there is something to that.  I see it as being able to get into that high energy work mode, kind of like 'the zone' in a sports metaphor or 'in the groove' or any other ways to describe it.  My Monday was okay, but I never reached 'it'.  Today I plan to get 'there' and maintain it long enough to get the jobs done.  Obviously I need conditions outside of myself to almost force that on me as I am not yet 'there' on my own.  But I am working on that too.  One of my specific challenges is learning how to discipline my attitude which leads to more skill in the discipline of my actions.  Always something more to learn, isn't there? At least I 'know'.  Its the 'do' part that still challenges me. I wonder if there is a scriptural description of that concept.  I'll have to give that some thought.  Any ideas?  I'm sure that there is and it will come to me.  I believe that getting into that zone makes everything else better, even personal inspiration.  Its a neat thing when you can find it.  I hope to be able to do that today.

Ah, Monday morning.  So many emotions.  Such confusion.  And it is more-so coming off a super weekend like we just lived.  If it could only just be like that all week.  But it is not, and I must change my frame of mind to deal with the reality of Monday.  I have been trying to avoid Monday coming, but you know that that can't be done. So it is here and so am I.  'sigh!!!'  However, the quality of my Saturday and Sunday soften the edge of the reality of Monday.  Our experience at the Manti temple Saturday was absolutely wonderful.  And the FHE on Sunday continued the euphoria.  And I know that we have another event tonight in the same vein, so I know that I will make it through even if just on memories.  Perhaps it is a good thing that right now (today, so far) my work is a little slow because I have so much else going on in my head and in my life that I feel overwhelmed.  Some of it is deeply personal and most of it is family with a little anxiety over work thrown in.  Wondering and not really knowing takes a toll when amped up to a high level.  And I put such pressure on myself to figure it all out.  Guessing at everything that is current is bad enough and then you add trying to guess things in the future and it becomes quite a conundrum.  How can I do it all?  Why must I try to do it all?