This month of October is pretty near over.  November is a little more of a shock to me then the other months have been.  I'm looking at the tail end of 2011.  That will make 67 years that I have touched.  And I'm not sure that I have this mortality thing figured out yet.  It seems to be moving way too fast for me.  You would think that I would be used to it by now, and I guess in a way I am, but that being said it isn't any easier to deal with in some ways.  As I think about it I do realize that there are things that I figure I am good and almost wise in.  I am able to accept some things much better then I once did.  But even then one can experience frustration  without giving in to it.  I guess that I do that alright.  I was sitting here in my office while Sheila was doing the trick or treating.  All of a sudden I realized that the ball game on TV and the other stuff I had been flipping through really had no appeal for me.  The one thing that I wanted to do before I ended my day was do some more reading in my book.  So I finished up so work that I wanted done before tomorrow and I will go up and read.  When I get up in the morning this month will have gone on beyond anything I could do to change it or add to it.  It will just have to stand the way it is, and I will have to do better and more with November.  If I let it I could get quite down on myself for all of the months that I have let slip by as less then they could have been.  But really all I have is my now.  And my now will soon be Tuesday's now.  I hope that I will be able to make it more memorable then regrettable.  

We'll see how that turns out for me.  At least my desk calendar is pretty much a clean slate with opportunity for me to live it as I will.

I was in bed by 8:30  p.m. last night.  And although my sleep didn't seem real refreshing it was certainly longer then I figured it would be.  I woke up at 6:55 just 6  minutes before our alarm was to go off.  (Sheila had pressed too long and set it for 7: 01.)  I turned it off and got her up and going.  Then I got into the shower and shaved and was off for choir practice.  I actually started to feel a little energy and I made it through the block.  However, since then I have been quite stiff and rigid and have needed to be quite immobile which has been okay for a Sunday.  We both took a little nap and we have enjoyed our leisurely Sunday with not too much to do.  We watched part 3 of the BYU TV program on the King James Bible and then another show that we enjoyed.  As for me, I am going to pretty much call it a day although I do plan on doing some reading on my present book project before I go to bed.  One thing from today that had some special meaning to me was that Sister Patti Nelson asked Sheila for me to give her a blessing.  I asked Bishop Ashton to assist me and that ended up being a much better decision that I had even imagined.  I felt like I had actually had inspiration and this time I followed it even though I really didn't appreciate it as such at the time, or understand its real value.  Sheila and I did watch some church videos on the computer and it was an edifying experience for me.  I really am thrilled to be a part of this church.  I know that it is 'his' church and is very near and dear to my heart.

I have different parts of me that have a vote in the decisions that I make.  There's the basic natural man vs. the spirit.  There's the mental part and the emotional part.  I guess if I were real diligent I would be able to identify a few other parts that have a part in my decisions.  Right now my body is usurping authority over everything else and forcing me to even give up the 2nd half of a BYU basketball game.  My other choices are just sitting still so my body doesn't ache or trying to do some of my reading and studying on my current truth project.  But after standing around for about 3 hours at the ward trunk or treat I am feeling at least 87 years old and I hurt at least that much.  So my best choice is to prepare for Sunday and call my Saturday history.  I believe I can judge our service today as a success.  The event went over very well and we got much more credit for it then we deserved.  But it came at a price and I have paid that and expect to recharge and regenerate in order to enjoy what Sunday has to offer.  I wonder how some others who are so much older then I am do it.  Maybe I have a defective physical body.  Or maybe we all are really tired at heart but just don't show it when we are out and about.  I guess I did that over there tonight.  But here at home I don't have to try to impress Sheila.  She knows me too well.  So I will just admit it and put myself to bed and hope for a kind of a rebirth due to a long, good night's sleep.

Now it is Friday night and I can really relax and think about something beside my work.  After another really hard working day I am so relieved that tomorrow I can relax, sleep in and basically piddle around through the day.  I pretty much have work caught up at least as preparing for tomorrow goes and even Monday for that matter.  So I will do some stuff but mostly just worry about the role that we have to play at our ward trunk or treat.  I do have 2 related stories to tell that have shaped the last day or so.  Yesterday I had sent Marv to work with the understanding that he would drop his papers off at the WVC Court when he was done.  Richard would pick them up doing his normal rounds and I would have them back to process them.  Well, Marv called me and told me that that was what he had done.  I felt to call Richard, but assumed that he would get them as that was his normal routine.  When he got home I asked and he told me that he had worked his way up town on the west side and was there before Marv.  Now that court isn't open on Fridays so now I have to wait for Monday to get that work and I feel a little our of sorts about it.  BUT I am out of sorts with me because I remember distinctly feeling that I should call and let Richard know that the papers were there for him to pick up.  It cause some review of the way the spirit and my spirit work, and that I have some work to do in that area.  I still feel a bit of a loss when I think about it.  It was earlier this week that I felt so overwhelmed and thought to myself that another server would be an answer to my prayer and I guess I said it in a manner that can be described as a prayer.  Well, who should call me out of the blue today, but Stan Alexander, and what does he want?  He is looking to put in some time serving to make him some extra money!!!  I put him off until next week but then reflected on the matter and said to myself, "self what are you waiting for?"  So I put an area together for tomorrow and he came about 1/2 hour ago and picked up his work.  I am trying to put those 2 stories together and see what they mean for me.  I admit that the direction of  my work has always seemed outside of my hands, and so maybe it still is.  And that is a good thing.

I've been working so hard these past 4 days that it is hard for me to relax and enjoy watching some tv.  Even a BYU football game from the past doesn't have much appeal for me.  I don't want to start a new task here in the office, so I will finish here and go to my 'study' and continue with some reading that I started last night.  I had been thinking about a concept from the book THE DIVINE CENTER that I remembered from my reading many, many years ago, and I wanted to review that part of the book.  It goes along with my present 'seeking to understand' project so it will be a good use of my time.  I have gotten a lot done today so it will be good for me to take some time for something else.  I'm not sure just how long I will last because I have expended lots of my energy and I started just after 7 this morning. I need to check the skimmer when I go up too. So for now I will put my office work behind me and beside me and leave it for Friday, which portends to be another busy and productive day for me.  Oh, I never did get to my 'pile'.  Here's hoping that Friday or Saturday I will be able to do that.

Today was much the same as yesterday.  I don't remember being this busy this many days in a row.  And tomorrow looks to be the same.  I hope to be able to get to my 'pile' tomorrow as there is lots of task just waiting for me that would be beneficial to get to if I can.  I'm still feeling quite overwhelmed and burdened to keep working through most of today.  I took over an hour to work on papers for Marv for tomorrow morning and it was hard to keep at it.  But like any worthwhile work it takes exertion but delivers good vibes when done.  I had a thought today that I really feel good about stuff when I am prepared for whatever happens with 'my guys' and their work.  In other words, whenever someone shows up to go serving it is a good thing when I have papers ready for them to go on.  Sometimes it just doesn't work out logistically, but when it does I feel good about the part that I play.  Today I worked really hard so I actually have options for tomorrow. In fact, I have more areas that could be worked then guys to work them.  That doesn't happen very often, yet it should be the same throughout this week.  That's a good thing.  Work is still work, but having it is certainly better then not having it.  My trouble is that after I stop with the work I want to maybe do some reading, but I really don't have the energy to do that because I did so much work.  Is that called a catch 22?   (I wonder where that phrase came from.)

There have been times in my work life when I struggled to have enough work.  I remember sitting around in my office trying to be productive, but with nothing to do.  I mean nothing.  I used to say that I always had something that I could do.  I could skip trace or do some 2nd billings or even make phone calls to try and collect some of the money that I am owed.  But some times there really was no work at all.  Right now I have more then I can do.  I worked pretty well all day and yet I barely made a dent in the pile on my desk.  And I am only talking about my top priority stuff.  I have stuff that I consider less pressing that sits on my desk for days and even weeks.  I try to think in terms of the week and not the day as far as getting to some of the tasks.  But even that isn't possible right now.  I have too  much timely stuff to get through.  Am I complaining?  I don't know.  It is a great blessing and I am grateful.  I am just overwhelmed.  I have to learn how to deal with it.  I have to do more and I have to get better at doing it well.  It sure does keep me out of trouble.  I just don't have time for that.