Most of the day I was focused on my work and I didn't think of much else.  I even forgot to eat, which is not uncommon for me.  I worked hard to get things prepared for tonight and tomorrow.  Even now as I am tying this Richard is here finishing up the huge pile of tax garns that he has to serve in the morning.  It will make it a big pay day for both him and me.  It'll help make my week passable, but I learned long ago that consistency is always the key to success.  I just need to keep doing what I do day in and day out.  It seems real surprising to me that December is now here.  How many times have I remarked this year that it was really going by rapidly?  So things are doing okay, but now I have 'her' cold or should I say cough?  It isn't terrible, but it is wearing and it comes with fatigue and a general numbing of my life sensors.  It also takes something away from my sleep time too.  At the same time it makes my sleep time more appreciated.  And right now that is about all that I want to think about.  I have put in my time here, I have equipped Richard so he will do well tomorrow, and I actually have less pressure on me to be up and working because Marv (who I worked so hard to prepare papers for) will not be working tomorrow.  Seems he has some blister or something on his eye.  The good part is that I already have his stuff for Friday ready for him.  I really feel that this cold of mine is getting bad enough that I might end up spending part of tomorrow in bed recuperating.  Better tomorrow then today.  And better this week then last week.  cough cough cough!!!  Time for bed.

Seems like I am falling into a habit of going to bed earlier.  Since our trip to Arizona last week I have been getting up earlier and flat out running out of energy earlier.  I am beginning to believe that I have caught what Sheila had (still has).  I do cough some, but not as much as she does, but it does tire me out.  Also, I am freezing here in the office because we have been running a fan in the basement to dry things out and it cools off a place that is already too cool for me.  I guess that the amount of work that I am putting in through the day is a factor too.  I believe that I am near the top of that after today and I will be able to get some other tasks done and maybe even have some time to relax too.  You might notice that I have put off my next entry to my 'book', but it just isn't right yet.  Even without that there is still so much going on in my head.  I am still overwhelmed.  As I take a moment to look around the office I may have to take that back.  I do have stuff here that I will work on tomorrow so that may take my full day again.  Right now I am 3 weeks behind in my checkbook and if I let myself I could really be worried.  I just try not to think about it.  My copy machine fix was a blessing, and Sheila says that she will pay for the flood fix, but it is still an up hill battle.  But on the things that are really important I have a much better feeling about.  I just feel good about our life.  A new grand son, work to keep me out of trouble and and understanding of who we are and what we are really about.  I know how much of a blessing that is.  Now, just trying to live up to it is a real challenge, but it is a challenge that I am so blessed to have.  I need to get warm.

About the time that my interest in Monday Night Football faded and I asked myself why am I watching this? I noticed that my energy had left too.  After all I was in the office just after 7 this morning and I have been playing catch-up all day long.  I am very happy to report that around 2 o'clock I had my copy machine back better this it has been in a long time and it did not cost me an arm and a leg.  I'd judge that I got about 1/2 way back with another 1/2 to go until I an up to the day in my work.  It did feel good to get something done, but it is also still called 'work' for a reason.  I was going to try and get back to my 'book' but my mind has not been able to stray so as to be creative so I will leave that again with every intention of doing it as soon as I feel able.  I know that if I let it the pressure of all that weighs on me could crush me.  So I just don't think about it.  I know that I have to consider it in order to deal appropriately with it, but concentrating on the present needs helps and some of those other things I can't do anything about right now anyway.  So as things rise on my list of tasks to the 'timely table' I will deal with them as needed and save my sanity in the mean time.  I find the little time when I can just sit and think to be most beneficial.  Last night I had an idea that helped me a lot today.  I consider it a 'gift idea' and I will gladly accept all of those that I can.  Anyway, my little gray cells are dull and a little numb right now so a change of venue and a good night's rest are what's required. 

I'm still not back to what I can call normal.  I want to go to bed early again and I have high hopes that tomorrow will see my copy machine problem solved which will allow me to really get my work done.  I will have to solve it one way or another.  That is, it can be fixed. I buy another used one, or a new one.  I hope for the least expensive solution.  I really can't move forward much until that happens.  We got Phil's car back to him today.  And we saw our new grandson.  Right now Sheila is tending Lucas, Kaleb and Co Co.  But tomorrow morning when I get up it will be a full fledged work day (if my machine problem gets solved)

I did teach my 2 lessons today.  But as has been my way the last year of so I just can't think about it too much.  I have no way to gauge how it went. And the best thing is to just move on and look ahead and not behind.  I do want to get back to my book, but that isn't right just yet either.  So for now it's just catch up mode and then I start to concern myself with those other things.  That is if I do find that I have the energy to do so.

It is good to be back home.  We found it much the same as we left it with the exception with the aftermath of the flooding from last Wednesday.  And my work is overwhelming, especially with my copy machine not working.  So much of how I do my work depends on copies.  All I can do is wait for Monday and hope that it can be fixed.  Too soon to think of other options, but I will just do what I have to do to move forward.  I would like to be able to just go ahead and catch up by working late tonight, but 'my machine' needs some help too.  I am talking about rest.  I intend to go to bed real early tonight.  I lucked out to be able to watch the BYU basketball game tonight--kinda like payback from last night so I will finish that but that and my lessons and sleep is all that is on my agenda.  We left just before 8:30 this morning and got here just after 12:30 this afternoon.  So much to do.  But so much to appreciate from this past week.  It will all work out, but it is a challenge to me right now.  I really, really want my lessons to go well tomorrow, and then I will meet Monday when Monday comes around.

Perhaps I should stay down here in the office longer and try to get some more work finished.  After all, we are leaving near mid-day on our little road trip. But no, I have made a calculated choice to end my day down here and finish in my bedroom with my regular routine stuff and a clipboard to write down anything that I think of that needs my attention before we leave.  I have been here working on stuff, and I know that Sheila has been even busier in the kitchen getting stuff made and washed and ready too.  I hope that we have things covered and don't end up with something overlooked that will come back and haunt us.  I guess that we did leave stuff until tonight and even some stuff for tomorrow, but I believe that we will be okay.  I still have stuff work -wise to do in the morning as a few errands of preparation as well.  I know that even though just driving a car isn't particularly taxing it will not be easy to spend around 6 hours on the road for each of 2 days going and coming.  But they also figure to be quite pleasant as we will be together and we seem to have things well prepared to make it nice.  The next 5 entries will certainly tell you the story.

I did stay for a few minutes but then I went upstairs to go to bed and it was dark!  Sheila had finally given in and was sleeping soundly while I did my things to get ready for bed.  She had the alarm set for 7:30 which let me know that she wasn't planning for choir practice.  I needed more time so I reset it for 7 and when I got up the decision was made that she would be staying home from church.  I ventured out on my own.  After the block I had 2 home teaching appointments and then I finally crashed for a short nap.  Around 3 we took a road trip for some errands and especially to get Phil's car for our real road trip on Tuesday.  The best part of my day was the time that we had to just talk during the ride.  I told Sheila that I was actually getting excited about our visit to Arizona.  Sheila actually finished my sentence with the word 'excited' at the same time.  The rest of our day has been pretty uneventful.  I still feel left over good vibes from yesterday.  I talked to her about that, and even now I'm not quite sure that I understand why I feel so good.  I just feel right.  I feel tired, but I feel good too.  I decided to let my book go for at least one more night.  I am anxious to write it but I want to do it up right.  I really find it hard to realize how fast this month is flying by.  How this coming week will go I know not, but I am trying to get it organized and am looking forward to it.  It is early right now and I need to spend some time just thinking.  There is so much on my mind.  My major effort will be to consider my present feelings and mind-set and see if I can understand me better.  I don't recall feeling quite this way before.  It is confusing.  Wonderful, but confusing.

I'm taking a break from my book.  (you didn't know about my book did you.  well, I'll give more info at a later date, but for now I am just taking a break)

I worked hard today because I had let some stuff pile up and because I am really trying hard to get ready for our trip next Tuesday.  We did make our room reservation at a place in Kanab and I am getting my  mind set and my work in some kind of an order so I won't mess up too much by being gone from Tuesday through Saturday.  And I can say that almost everything has gone my way today.  I have enjoyed my games.  I have enjoyed getting task after task finished.  It was hard work, but it really felt good.  I am hoping that Sheila will keep on getting better.  We are planning of that because we are still planning to go.  But she told me that today was really strange for her because she never did leave the house.  I only left to go to the post office and get gas and they I did go outside to get the paper this morning, the mail this afternoon and to check the skimmer.  I also walked over to the church about 7:30 to do my calling.  I also am feeling good about a phone call that asked me to teach gospel doctrine in sunday school next week.  I had almost given up on that ever happening again, because the have others who have been doing it and what seems like several different called teachers. So both Sheila and I will have our long drives to and from Sharolyn's to work on our lessons.  I will also be teaching that same sunday in high priests quorum.  All that and I did shave this morning so I have felt clean cut and successful today as my work has been going okay too.  My week ended up with much better #'s then I had anticipated.  Anyway, BYU is doing well too, and I am getting tired enough that I will go to bed before it is over.  Sunday just starts too early and I figure I need my beauty sleep.  But I will get back to my book probably tomorrow night.  That has also been a real positive part of my feeling good too.  Right now things just seem to be going better then I deserve and I am so thankful for it and really really aware of my blessings.

To learn and to know truth is a wonderful and rewarding experience. Yet it is not enough.  The magic of mortality is that we can, even must act on that knowledge.  We make decisions, we move, we commit, we venture, we create, we exercise faith and we become.  We become doers of the word.  This is not an easy task.   There are so very many choices. It is a learn as you grow opportunity.  So inevitably we make mistakes.  We stumble.  We make wrong choices and we sin.  It seems that we disqualify ourselves even before we understand the nature of the process.  We drown in our own bad choices looking for a life-line.  Then we discover that this is one, and slowly we begin to understand how it works and what we need to do to over come ourselves in order to find that joy and happiness which we were created to enjoy. We come to understand that knowing and doing need each other.  They are partners.  We do in order to know and we know in order to do.  But again, we are faced with choices.  What do we need to know and what do we need to do, and what knowledge and action do we need to cast off and avoid.  We need to find out what is the most important thing for us to know and what doing does that knowledge inspire and require.

I said that I did not know everything.  I would be foolish to even think that way.  But I do know some things.  When I say that, I am talking about some important true things, some important and true things that relate to  the hard questions that we ask ourselves about who we are and why we are here, and, of course, what is the purpose of it all, and where are we going.  I know the answers to those question because I have gone to the 'source' and I have learned the 'process' that God uses to bless us with that knowledge that we so desperately seek.  It hasn't always been so, and it was not easy.  But as I look back on my schooling I can see my desires, my struggles and the answers that were given me by experience, inspiration and even revelation.  The truths that I have been taught are certainly not mine alone, in fact, much of the teaching was done by others who had been taught the same things and then passed them on to me.  But the confirmation was my own.  It had to be, because it is something very intimate and personal.  Those kinds of truths are not meant to be just learned and accepted from others, even those that we greatly respect and who would never think to mislead us.  But the process is for us to hear, think, ponder and then seek for ourselves a personal confirmation from the spirit that those things are true.  The process is clearly outlined in the scriptures. All of us are invited to seek that revelation for ourselves.  I have done that on many ocassions and received that blessing.  That doesn't make me extraordinary or any better then another.  It just means that I have been blessed by my Father just as many others of my brothers and sisters have been blessed.  It is not a competition nor any kind of a contest.  It is each one striving to know and understand the answers to the question that this mortal experiece brings to us.  One truth that comes with some of these wonderful answers is that we are then responsible to teach what we know.  The 'process' requires that of us, and if we are not willing to do that then our own learning will suffer.  We are expected to 'share the light' in order to enjoy and receive more of the 'light'.  And the truths that are available for us to learn are unlimited!

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This source and process originates with our Father in Heaven.  It is available to us because He, as God, wants us to 'fulfill the measure of our creation' and find joy and happiness in this mortal experience as well as in what will come afterward.  However, this joy and happiness as well as the truths that we so much want to understand about who we are and why we are here cannot simple be given to us.  We must receive them.  Therein lies the dilemma that we encounter as we live out our lives.  We want to understand the truth of things and have the joy without the required effort and trial which is needed to give them meaning and value to us.  The way that we value these things is directed related to the price that we pay to acquire them.  The receiving of them is an act of faith and obedience.  Sometimes a lot of faith and a lot of obedience is required before the desired blessings come to us.  I believe that our Father wants to give us all that he has but cannot until we are willing not to so much earn them as to simply put ourselves in to a condition where we can 'receive' them without being overwhelmed.

Page One

I do not pretend to know all of the answers for myself or for anyone else.  But I do contend that I know of the source and the process that does make all of the answers available to each and all of us in a general and universal way as well as in a manner specifically designed for each of us in our own very personal and unique circumstance.

Time keeps moving right along.  I wish I could keep up with it, but I don't seem to be able to do that.  Haven't for years so I have stopped trying and so I just try to ignore it and to live in the moment (whatever that means).  Today was a bit of a different challenge because I had no idea of how to fill my time.  I still had part of my pile left so I just dove in and frankly I was surprised at how much there was for me to do.  And, in fact, there still is plenty to do.  The problem is that it is mostly busy work with much less chance of making any money out of it.  But it has to be done and I guess that is why it has been building up for such a long time while I had more timely work to capture my attention.  So I guess that today is a kind of a valuable day to catch up on stuff even though it isn't real productive stuff.  This week looks to be down quite a bit from the last couple of weeks and I would prefer it not be, but all I can do is accept what is and try hard to use my time for good things.  That is my purpose in doing this before 9 pm.  I want to get in some reading tonight and learn something good to feed my little gray cells and also edify my mind and heart. When I am able to do that I feel that my days are more worthwhile and it also does good things for my well being.  I am still trying to figure the answer to the question I posed last night about my cynicism.  This idea of self improvement is really a hard thing.  First I am finding it really hard to discover where I lack, because I am so good at hiding that, even from myself.  And second, once you have something it is just a hard thing to acquire of add or change just because it is.  But my time is running out.  I am 65.  As much as I always believed that I would live to see the millennium I'm not so sure anymore.  I have to be prepared for anything.  So as long as I am here I might just as well do something worthwhile.  I do know what is right and what is important I'm just not as good as it as I hope that I am tomorrow.

Sheila called it a 'cliff hanger', but it really was more of a 'yawner'.  But whatever the name I did stay down here an extra few minutes to watch the end of the game the outcome of which was never in doubt.  I thought that I could handle getting up around 7 because Sheila had to get up first and I would shower and have time to eat some breakfast and get dressed and to choir in time.  The reality is that our ward choir does not start at 8.  Only the director and our recently called accomp..the guy who plays the piano and me are the only ones there for a while.  Sheila was there shortly thereafter and we actually did end up with more then we've had before because the Bishopric decided to join us so they would be a good example to all of those who really should be there.  When Sheila got there she came wheeling in a suitcase as if she was about to board a plane.  But I knew that it was just her Sunbeam preparation kit.  We had our block and then hurried to Robert and Cicily's ward where Lucas and both of his parents spoke.  Since then we have enjoyed a lazy day.  But lazy days are as tiring as non lazy days so I am ready to wind down.  Tomorrow starts a new work week that has me a little apprehensive.  For the last two weeks I have had lots of work.  But we got all of the papers served and they haven't yet been replenished.  So this week looks bleak at this moment.  I know it will be okay.  It's been this way for 40 years.  I fret about not having enough work and then I'll fret when I have more.  I guess I just like to fret.  Then I have said that no matter the job there really isn't any security in the world.  I know the only security it in eternal things.  But I am human enough to still do my fair share of fretting.  I do like to fret and then get amazed when it turns around.  That way I always appreciate the blessings and acknowledge them as such but I fret about whether I ought to fret or exercise more faith.  How long will it take for me to see it turn out that way before I accept that it will keep on doing it?  Or am I just a flawed human being who somehow enjoys being a little cynical?  That is a good question for me to consider.  I welcome any opinions that you would venture to share with me. 

I'm not that much of a fan that a late starting runaway game keeps me on the edge of my seat even if it is BYU.  I'm not sure if I will stay up too much longer as the 4th quarter is just about to start.  But at least I am doing this now at just after 10 and the game rapidly losing interest for me.  I can end my day feeling okay about my day because we at least got to the temple today.  And I feel good about my own early morning 'devotional'.  And I do have some pretty good thoughts that I am still trying to think about.  Otherwise the day hasn't been overwhelming.  Because we planned to get to the temple I did shave this morning so I hope it saves me at least a few minutes in the morning that I can sleep in just a bit.  For some reason I feel this 'dread' when I have to get up earlier then I want.  It mostly happens on Sunday when I am tempted to sleep in but there is the block and there is choir.  In the coming year our block will be later and I think that I like that better.  But for tomorrow I will force myself and I will probably feel better after sleeping anyway.  But for now I am split between more game and more sleep.  What will I do.  The drama is building.  Stay tuned to see what happens with this cliff hanger yawner.

I don't know if it has anything to do with me getting older, but I find that I am tied into my routine.  And when my routine is disrupted it throws me off and seems to affect me a lot.  This morning there was a disruption because Sheila set the alarm for 4 am and my sleep was disturbed.  I tried to make up for that my not getting up to face my day until about 7:30 which wasn't too bad.  But then today was a court holiday and the post office was closed and even though lots of folks had normal work days lots didn't and my work was really affected a lot.  So I did not have a  normal work day and I would have preferred just having work to do all day.  I'm not sure which part affects the way that I feel right now more:  my interrupted sleep or the mediocre effort that I put into my day because there really wasn't any challenge to do more.  Either way I am really tired and I want to get to bed.  I have higher hopes for tomorrow but I don't always do my Saturdays as well as I'd like either.  I am trying to figure out why I have this apathy and then do something about it, but the nature of apathy is just that:  I don't care very much about anything.  The one thing I do care about right now is sleep, so maybe I can build upon that and let it lead me on to bigger and better things.  One thing, we have our garage back as of a little while ago.  Now Sheila won't have to 'scrape' in the mornings. So count to day with at least one step.  Maybe tomorrow I can work on two.

I was just about to leave to go over to the church.  It was just before 10 pm and Sheila asked me to go upstairs to have prayer with her so she could go to bed.  Now that is different.  I don't believe that in the last year there was but one, maybe two times that she has gone to bed before I did.  I know that this is a special circumstance though.  A couple of weeks ago Shelli had let us know that tomorrow 11-11-11 would be a grandparents day at, I think, Logan's school.  Being the good grandma that she is she figured out a way to go to work and also make it up to Kaysville for that luncheon.  She is going in at 5 am in order to get her job done and then make her way there.  This kinda reinforces some thoughts that I have had often and for a long time.  In a way they are negative, but in another way they are positive.  As to Sheila they are all positive.  She is just the best granny.  She is always thinking of the kids and the grand kids.  It is about me that I am thinking negative and positive.  The negative is that I am not that good.  I don't leave here much and I am this old recluse.  Today Sheila said that I have become less social over the years.  She did say that I can be really good when I am in a social situation, but that I don't venture out into those kinds of situations as often as I used to.  I really wonder about that.  Am I a hermit?  Do I do better in my solitude?  I wonder.  Anyway, there is a positive that I cling to.  If I didn't do what I do stuck here in my office just doing my thing in relative isolation then she couldn't do her thing being out and spreading her goodness around where ever.  I admit that that is a good and a bad feeling too.  My starfish deal sees that as a good thing.  I am making a difference 'to that one' even though my service is barely noticeable except to   Sheila.  The problem with all of this is that it is really easy to get down on myself because I'm not doing stuff that is noticeable to me.  I just don't see it as much.  It feels too convenient and too self-serving.  And I find that I am afraid of considering breaking out of my sheltered life.  I am where I belong and I don't really want to change the status quo. I do wonder 'is that all there is?' and I really don't know the answer to that question.  And of course I feel that I am the only one with those kinds of questions.  I believe that every body else has the answers.  Every one else knows where they are going.  They all have 'it' figured out.  But then I really don't believe that either.  But it would be nice to sit down and talk with someone who did. Maybe I can do that.  After all I do know who that is.  You do too!

I had another pretty average day.  But I am trying to change my 'lens' and see something in it that is worthwhile, really neat or just good.  I know that tend to get pretty judgmental and I overlook the 'roses' or the 'forget-me-nots' that do come each day.  I also tend to get so used to things as they are that I forget how they could be.  I mean that in the way that they could be so much worse and we are really, really blessed now.  I see and read stuff all the time that causes me to know that our situation is good.  Yes, sometimes I do compare us to the 'Huntsman's' but I also am aware of the other side too.  As I work my way through the day I am able to see when I need to do better and more, and when I can relax and take a break.  On bad days I get those two confused, but when I am using my head I am able to make good choices sometimes.  I am still fixated on D & C Section 4.  I have read it morning and night for a couple of weeks now.  It has been a catalyst to some wonderful thoughts that I am really enjoying studying.  I told Shelli on Sunday to read it and think of it not related to missionary work, but related to our own personal journey.   I believe that it has a lot to say when looked at that way.  I am still finding new ideas come out of my study and by now I do have it memorized (again) so I can review it virtually anytime that I think about it.  You might try it.  I would be interested to know if any of you do, and if so, what you get out of it.

I just watched it again.  It was a bright spot in my day.  I watched it several times.  I am referring to the video that Shelli posted of Colton mimicking her sounds.  It was absolute evidence that he does hear.  I know that they have seen it lots, but for me it was so neat to see and hear it.  So I did over and over.  I am not saying that my day was otherwise not good.  But it sure didn't go the way that I thought that it would go.  That doesn't mean that they were bad things either.  It was just unexpected at about every turn.  But I do admit that I wanted a repeat of yesterday and I didn't get it.  I sure can't discount what I was able to do, but somehow I feel like I should have done better.  I'm glad that I have another day to try again.  This being a Tuesday Sheila had errands that took her away for a long time.  She usually is involved with Zach for Sharon until after 7.  Tonight she did another errand for Cicily that kept her out until after 9.  So she was gone today more then she was here, or at least that's the way that it felt to me.  With all of the unexpected stuff happening I never did get into the kind of rhythm that I had yesterday.  I guess that was really what I wanted, oh well,  the day wasn't all that bad.  I guess I just live a boring life.  Shelli said the other night that she doesn't write in her blog more often because she doesn't have anything interesting to say.  Well, if I can keep on writing boring stuff night after night with nothing interesting happening to me she ought to be able to too.  The truth is I don't really know how I do it.  And sometimes I really don't know why I do it either.  Well, for this Tuesday the 8th day of November in the year 2011 I bid you all good night.  (I wonder if a written word that is never read makes a sound in the forest when the tree falls!)

It may be the law, and it certainly happened for real yesterday for real, but that doesn't mean anything to my body.  No matter what time it is for 'real' it is still a full hour later to me, myself and my body.  And the extra hour that showed up yesterday morning hasn't made any difference to the way I feel right now.  I do remember that it takes me near a full week to really get adjusted to --let's see.  Is it daylight savings time now, or was it that way last week.  I don't know.  Nor do I care.  I just know that it is dark and cold and the year is slipping by faster then I can keep track of it.  I have high hopes of finishing here and then doing some reading.  And I will do some, but not much.  I'll be too tired and my day will be long and done.  But hooray for me.  I actually worked on my pile nearly all day long.  And I count that work as productive.  I feel real good about it.  It was a real test, and I feel like got a good passing grade.  After so much effort I was really surprised that I didn't finish the task.  I figure I finished about 60 % so I still have stuff to do tomorrow.  But the pile certainly doesn't appear as intimidating as it did last week and for several weeks.  I just notice another pile that is still awaiting my attention.  Actually, I have a number of 'piles' that I can do when I have time to get to them, as well as several small tasks that await the proper time.  But for  now I will sit on my laurels (no, not young women Laurels) and take a breath and finish off my Monday knowing that another full day is on the horizon.

You can judge whether I am efficient or lazy, but I am going to use this entry to do double duty and also count as a letter to both Nicholas and Sharolyn's family.  We had our family home evening tonight and Kathy and Richard were in charge.  One of the activities was a care package for those two.  We put in some cookies and some candy and each family was to write or draw something to be included in the box. We kept it a secret from Nicholas who we talked to for a long, long time on the phone during the evening.  Having the family over and thinking about those that were not here did cause me to think about and actually miss them.  You know, being a father and grandfather, and I'm sure that I can speak for Sheila (mother and grandmother) as well is a life changing event.  Here you go and spend so many years of your life being there when your children and grand children are growing up and then all of a sudden the time comes when they are not there.  Sure, you see some of them often, even frequently, but it is never the same.  It is actually quite a short amount of time that our children were together with us.  They took off to various places and different lives and we count the time that we can be with them as a great blessing.  One of the most important dreams that we carry in our heart is the fact that we will still be together as long as we choose to be.  It is a hard concept for me to really grasp, but I know that it is true and I know that it will be so much more wonderful then I can even imagine.  I felt almost cheated, but enjoyed the short visit that I had with Nicholas, but wished that I could be a much bigger part of his life.  I admit that I know the reality of that and I will settle for what I can have of him as I observe him through the coming years.  I really do have plenty of living left for myself that will keep me occupied, but wanting more of my family in my life is really a normal and a very good thing.  The same goes for Sharolyn, David, AmandaRae, Aubree, Autumn and #25. It won't be but a couple more weeks and we will be making some wonderful new memories with them when we visit Arizona for Thanksgiving.  That is our plan and we hope that it works out okay and we are really looking forward to it.  My life seems like such a strange thing.  Even though I have a pretty routine schedule week after week I make sure that I take time to consider the things that are most important to me.  Of course the 'thing' that is the most important for me to 'know' is that I am a child of God and that my Heavenly Father loves me.  The 'thing' that is most important for me to 'do' is to live so that I can return to Him and be with Him and the rest of our family.  I mean our whole family, from our past, our present, and our future.  Nothing else in this world matters more then that.

 

Whenever I have this same dilemma (which happens once a year) I can't decide whether to take the extra hour before I go to bed or after I go to bed.  I usually try to mess with it so long that I end up using it up and not having the extra hour at all.  I'll probably do the same again tonight.  Maybe I'll try for a 1/2 hour tonight and another 1/2 hour in the morning.  Somehow it never works out that I actually feel like I got the full hour anyway.  

As for my Saturday I did enough to feel pretty good about my day and prepared to continue on Monday, and like I recreated enough to say that I enjoyed myself that way.  I even did an hour on my bike while I watched BYU Women's Volleyball tonight.  It has been real cold today but I didn't end up going outside into it but a few times.  Let's see:  to get the newspaper this morning.  To help unload the groceries when Sheila go home.  to get the mail.  to check the skimmer in the pond and clean out some leaves in the waterfall.  And tonight to go over to the church which was timed just right to know that we had to pump.  It took a couple days of rain and it was just over the top when I walked out to go.  I call that good timing or more properly inspiration.  I fixed Chinese food for my 3 meals today and Sheila did once.  That totaled 6 meals from our take out of last night.  We do like the Pork Chow Mein for Chin Wah's.  It reminds us of the old South Seas in Midvale that we used to go to a lot early on in the raising of kids part of our life.  Looking forward to some of the family being here tomorrow night for out FHE.  I wish that I could sleep in tomorrow, but with choir and church and only "1/2 hour" extra it looks like I won't be able to.

I will state for the record that I feel much, much better tonight then I did last night.  And it isn't all because it's Friday night and my work week is over.  It isn't just because I took some time off of work today and we drove to Orem to watch Cortney play in the state high school volleyball tournament.  It wasn't just because we ordered our favorite Chinese meal out for dinner and there is enough left over for tomorrow.  All of those added, but the key was the choices that I made.  I was in good spirits all day and except for thinking about all of those good things that I mentioned and a little about actual work I pondered great thoughts and high ideals and wonderful possibilities.   I even walked over to the church in the snow and slippers and still got back feeling quite euphoric about my day.  Now maybe I can get to my 'pile' tomorrow and work at a relaxed pace and just work myself through the day while enjoying the good things that a Saturday can offer.  I know that I will probably not sleep in very late, but just knowing that I can changes things a lot.  I know that I won't stay up very late either, but just knowing that I could makes it seem more fun.  Oh, when we parked at the University in Orem for the match we were able to park free in the valet lot because we are 'elderly' and they didn't even charge us.  Maybe this old age stuff can give back some, after all it seems to have already taken a lot away.  Kind of a trade off I suppose.  Anyway, today I did, indeed (and in deeds) move forward as I wrote last night that I would.  And I intend to do more of the same tomorrow.  47 and 47 is just a small part of that.

I want to do this less tonight then in a long time.  I am not real happy with my day.  I wasted time that should have been put to better use.  I let myself down and I have a bad feeling about that.  BUT for some reason that baffles me I still have hope that burns inside of me that I am still a good person and that I can rebound and do better tomorrow.  There is way too much to feel good about to let less then stellar day take me out of my game.  I still have all of my faculties and I am a person of worth when my mind and heart are right so I will work on getting them back where they need to be and work some magic the rest of tonight and then tomorrow.  My week has actually been going way too well for me to spoil it completely.  Looks like I will have some choices to make tomorrow what with Cortney's game and work and the car and Sheila's work and our errands and lots of stuff.  All I know right now is that I will not waste time like I did today.  Of course with that being said you'd know that I didn't get to my 'pile' today.  I had enough to do otherwise except for my time wasted and even now I have more pressing piles that await tomorrow.  I am already feeling anxious to get started on working tomorrow towards a productive day and put today behind me.  The 3rd is now history and can only serve to learn from and help make me smarter because of it.  Anyway, except for that one problem with today I actually feel quite good.  I did 47 last night and then again this morning.  My health seems tolerable and of course my wife is the star in my sky the warmth in my  heart and the friend always on my side.  I will move forward.

It seems much later then usual.  That is because I got the keys back today and I have to lock up the church now.  So after Sheila and I watched POIROT together I left to do my church calling.  I left the Bishopric (probably 2 of them) in the dark so they would know that the building is secure when they finally go home.  I as surprised about all of the lights and doors and that needed my attention.  Oh well, at least it makes the effort worth something when what I do matters, at least a little bit.  I was all prepared to attack my pile this morning, but alas, I never got to it.  First Richard brought me a few things, and then Sheila brought in a larger amount, so I was able to keep myself quite busy without the 'pile'.  That is a good thing because I had work, but it was a bad thing because the pile just gets more pressing the longer I leave it.  Sheila just came down stairs with a garbage bag to get stuff ready to put the garbage out in the morning.  Me, I have to be back in the office before Marv gets here in the morning at 7:30 a.m.  I have Richard already with his work to leave from his home and out up North and he will drop papers off to Jim in Bountiful.  So my day is already started with me ahead of schedule.  Maybe the pile will finally be able to be dealt with tomorrow.  So far my week has been above normal.  I have even been able to use Stan a couple of times.  It does remind me of busy times in the past.  We could really use the bump because both Sheila and I are well into our cushions in our check books and we really need to catch up.  It is a worry, but so far we have been able to keep food on the table and a roof over our head and so far we haven't missed paying our bills.  I don't understand why or how it all works for us, but I do know that it has and does.  Thank heaven for Sheila!

I don't like the colder season much these days.  Last night was Halloween and the weather was really quite nice for the trick or treaters that came to our door.  Then when I got up this morning Sheila told me that it had started raining.  Then she went to work.  I got up and dressed and put on a long sleeved shirt because I figured that it would be a little chilly in my office.  I was right, and after several hours I had to go upstairs and try to cure the bone chill that I had developed.  It did clear up as far as the rain, but it is supposed to rain again later this week.  So winter is coming soon if the snow in the mountains is any indication.  And I remember that the cold has become problematic for me.  (I've wanted to use that word for a long, long time!)  My hands get chilled and my muscles get a little achy too.  This morning I felt quite good and did my 47 push ups for the 1st time.  I don't know if I'll feel up to doing them again tonight before I go to bed.  I have reset my goal to 'at least once a day' just because I have had some concern about the pain that I have sometimes and that might return if I over do.  And the last 2 weeks have been so busy morning, noon and night with office work that I have almost abandoned my 60 minutes of work out.  After all, I keep active working that I usually have expended my energy.  Oh, there are so many, many good things that I would like to do every day that it gets down right frustrating to fall so far behind.  At least I did take the last hour for my reading and studying.  That is a good thing.  Now, finally tomorrow I will have my pile to really get into.  I made a small dent the other day, but tomorrow--oh I have such big plans.  I wonder if I will be able to actually to do it.  I hope to have a date with Sheila at 9 to watch a show with her, and  then it will be time for bed.  I wonder if sleep gives me what I need.  I am tired so often, and I have to nap now and again, and again, and again.  This getting old is really getting old!