My day has been kind of turned around.  I did get up at 5:30 to say goodbye to the wife and I was also able to give Sharon a hug.  I went back to bed but only slept in until around 7:30 and was in the office by around 8.  I knew that I wouldn't have a full work day, but I did have enough to do that.  But subtract 6 hours of conference normal down time for shower and meals and I would only be able to get a few things done.  I did do my best, but I gave most of my time and effort to general conference.  I have been low keyed all day due to my lack of sleep and also due to my focus on things spiritual from conference.  I god 2 texts from Sheila throughout the day.  Actually 3 counting the one 'we're here' that I found when I got home after the priesthood session.  I did my 3rd attempt at texting  and asked her to call.  She did and we 'ended' our day together and now I am in a trance just going through the motions as I am really ready for bed.  I do need to eat something.  What, I don't know yet, but as soon as I finish here I will grab a snack or something and then pretty much crawl into bed and start my week of solitude in earnest.  Naturally conference has lots and lots of thoughts running through my head and I feel very edified and good about today, but drained because of it all and the lack of sleep.  Tomorrow should be another real interesting day.

This going to be one weird night.  I will go to sleep sometime and then long about 4-4:30 (probably closer to 5) I will be woken up to say goodbye to Sheila.  She'll be gone a week and when I wake up tomorrow my world will be different because we will not be together.  I haven't thought too much about it, probably because I didn't want to, but as much as I pretend that I will get along fine I know that I won't.  It is good for me though because it really makes me know how much I want her to be with me.  She has done her best to prepare things for me.  Tomorrow shouldn't be too bad because conference will keep me occupied for most of the time.  I do have work to do too.  And Sunday I will have both conference and a family reprieve.  Then Monday on I'll really notice her not being here.  I get over one pain to start another.  Different kinds but both unpleasant.  I will just try to keep busy and do my best.  Of course the possibility of simply 'vegging' is there.  That is the way that I handled the very first time when she went to Nauvoo years ago and the kids were farmed out leaving me alone.  I do better now and this won't be my first time being alone in our present empty nester stage.  So in some ways I am looking forward to it and in other ways I wish that it were already one week from now.  This could be an interesting test for me to see how well I handle it.

Oh, it feels so good to know that my wrist is getting better.  Its not all the way back yet.  But it feels so much better.  I can take off my jacket by myself and other stuff that I couldn't do before.  Its a good thing too, because in the wee hours of the morning come Saturday my wife will be off to Arizona in the big, bad motor home with the 'other' gang and I will be on my own for a week.  Much better to face that with my body not racked by pain and limited mobility.  If it makes the same progress tonight and tomorrow that it has done in the last 24 hours I should be back to 'normal' sometime this weekend.  How will I do for the next week though? That is my question.  I have done this before, but it is with mixed feelings.  It sure does help me learn better to appreciate her.  Not that I take her for granted, but that's something one should never get complacent about.  I promise that I won't.  

 

Cortney's team won their softball game today.  I miss seeing her name in the stats.  But it is different for softball then it was for basketball.  I wonder if my next week will get me out more, or if it will find me actually staying home more.  (That would be real hard to do.  I'm not exactly the active social bug as it is!)

 

I did sleep well last night (in the chair in the front room) so I hope to do as well, if not better tonight.  And my hope of wholeness and whole wellness is alive and 'well'.  I am tired and ready to end my day.

I did okay, but mostly with just one arm.  I know that I've learned this before on several occasions, but it is surprising how much we rely on all of the parts of our body to do our simple tasks.  I have also been through this enough to know that I just need to endure it and hope that it will get better sooner then later.  Tomorrow would be nice.

My image of a weekend to myself was shattered today when Shelli gave me an invite for Sunday for conference and for dinner.  Kind of takes the whole martyr thing away.  But I'll still have time to myself and enjoy some time with the family too.  

I did have most of a normal work day today.  But the wrist did take me outside of it.  So mostly I just thought of making it through with the pain.  Last night wasn't too bad, but that is the worse time.  I surely hope that tonight is as good if not better.  All I can do is wait and see how it goes, and maybe try some pills and maybe a wrap.  I will keep at it, but please, help the pain to go away!

I was doing so good.  I even did my push ups this morning.  Then as the day wore on the pain in my left wrist keep growing.  So now it is really, really bad.  I had a real hard time taking off my jacket when I got back from the church.  Typing this is a little uncomfortable, but the movement on that wrist is minimal so the pain --well the pain isn't as minimal as I thought.  It is starting to throb, so finishing this might just be an ordeal.  I believe that I will sleep okay, but that remains to be seen (felt!)  I can't complain about the rest of my day, but I could complain about my wrist if it would do me any good.  The only thing that does me good is not typing the letter 'b' which requires movement that is quite painful.  And it is getting quite late so time to cease and retire and try to find a way to be comfortable enough to sleep.  I am still working on memorizing 'my' song/poem--you know, that work by Elisa R. Snow.  Get it for your self.  You will be (ow) glad that you did.

I've been just sitting around wasting time putting off doing this.  But I need to get this day over with so I can look to a better day tomorrow.  I have been such a lazy bum today,  and that after such a good day yesterday.  But that is my reality.  Some days I just don't do as well as I ought to do.  Work didn't help any as all of my numbers were pretty pathetic.  It would be easy for me to get down on myself, but it is way too early for that.  I've seen things change so dramatically in just a day that I need to wait and hope for better tomorrow.  I did do something good today, and that was that I got back to my push ups this morning by doing my 51.  The pain that was my reason to stop for about 4 or 5 days was gone and it did feel good to be able to do all 51 of them this morning.  My blood pressure numbers were good also.  It was just in my work that things fell apart.  

 

I do still have my new, favorite song on my mind.  It is my new theme and I feel glad that I was able to run across it.  It still has much to offer me and so much to learn as I memorize it to be used at a future date that I do not know, but that I am sure will happen.

 

I am already starting to feel what I will feel like this coming week when my wife is not here.  I do try to see the adventure side of that when it happens, but I know the lonely side of it will most likely take over.  But I am being taught about that 'furnace' design part of my life and I can't whimper or complain.  I need to man up, face it and do the best that I can.  Course that goes for tomorrow too, and for every day after that.  Verses 1, 2, 3 and 4 all teach about that!

I am playing it cool and trying not to let it go to my head.  My day has been a memorable one and will repay many times in days ahead.  But I can't make it more then it is.  Allow me to explain.  To tell the short version I taught a shortened lesson to the High Priests Quorum today.  There were a few visitors after some stake business but I just did my thing.  After the block I came home and Sheila stayed to meet with a lady that she visit teaches.  I was reading the paper when she got here and she told me that she passed the Bishop on the way out of the building.  He was one of the visitors as he does not attend our quorum meeting.  He told her to tell me what a 'great' lesson I had given and that I was a 'master teacher' and that I had a gift to do all of that without any notes and that he could listen to me every week.  Then he said something about Aristotle meeting Brigham Young!  I made Sheila repeat all of that and did the same later on. I will probably ask her again before we go to sleep.  (So much for letting it go to my head!)

 

Oh yes, I have a new favorite song.  I had heard this song on my LDS Radio streaming feed that I listed to all day in my office.  Today I looked up the words, and have adopted it as my theme for the time being.  Especially verse # three.  I won't write it here, but I direct you to the internet to look up "Think not when you gather to Zion" It is a 'lost hymn' of Elisa R. Snow who is one of my very favorites and this new (to me) poem/song is my new treasure.  Look it up and let me know what you think.

 

I too am wondering about Nicholas' tooth. (And about his mission call.)

I don't believe that I am the only one who tries to recognize the fact that days all have their own 'personality'.  In my push up motto the 'u' stands for 'understand the day'.  Of course all days are different, but the various days of the week have a uniqueness of their own.  After studying them for all these years I have come to recognize and expect different things for different days of the week.  I have also learned that one good way to really ruin a day is to expect it to act like a different day.  A Saturday can't be a Thursday, and a Tuesday will never be the same as a Friday.  The most unique day of the week is Sunday.  That is the hardest day for me to make sure I live differently then the other 6 days.  I am doing better, but I still want some other-day-ness on my Sunday.  When I don't I end up enjoying it for the special day that it is, and when I do that I am able to live the others better as well.  Just as I can't be all things to all people my days can't be other days.  They have to be what they are meant to be.  I don't think that that is really a strange thing to say.  I believe that it actually makes sense.  So my Saturday, for a Saturday was a good day.  For a Tuesday it didn't measure, and tomorrow, my Sunday, will have to be different for it to be a good Sunday.  This all may sound a little silly, but I think that it is actually quite sophisticated and wise.  Or, at least, I am sophisticated and wise to know it.  I am still working on actually doing it as well as I should, but at least I have identified the truth of it, and continue to make progress as I move on in my journey.  Being old does have some advantages, just like Sunday has some advantages.  But then so does Tuesday.

I did some good things today.  My computer printer died and I spent some time on the phone with an internet service guy trying to reboot or re-figure or whatever, but after several attempts I realized that it was useless.  So off I went to Officemax and got a new one.  I thought it would be a breeze but I needed 3 calls to Shelli and 1 call to Robert before I finally got it to work.  But I did get it to work.  I was able to work hard after that, but time was against me.  It was hard due to my aching left shoulder, but it is tolerable and I have been able to do okay.  But having gotten up at 6 again I am really drained and I will even leave this Jazz game and to to bed.  First I need to get the sleep and 2nd I need to get the sleep in order to get up and get the work for tomorrow done as early as possible.  I may end up sleeping in the chair due to my shoulder, but it worked last night and the last time months ago when my shoulder was so painful.  I'd like to think of Saturday as a bit of a vacation from work, but I don't think that it will turn out that way.  I will relax but I do intend to be busy and productive.  I have a lesson to continue to prepare for Sunday, and I do have so much that I ought to be doing and I hope to get to feeling some better too.  And now I can print this entry without all of the drama that I have been dealing with the last few nights and days.    progress

I guess if I had been watching Cortney's softball game instead of the Jazz/Kings basketball game I would have been a lot more relaxed.  The girls had an easy time of it.  The Jazz made a shot with .9 of a second to win in a game that they might have won easily, but almost squandered a lead.  What was more surprising to me was that I was even up at all this late watching anything instead of going to bed early.  I got up when Sheila did this morning which put me an hour ahead of my usual schedule.  I figured I had so much to do and a guy getting here at 7:30 that I was pressured to get up and get to work.  I did snooze a couple of times during the day, but I could have gone to bed earlier, but chose not to.  The last couple of days my shoulders have been real sore.  I don't think it is my old friend bursitis this time, but it is an inflammation of some kind.  I did my 51 last night and it wasn't too bad, but this morning I decided on rest as my medical prescription.  I also iced it some this afternoon.  Then tonight instead of going to bed early I sat up and tried to not use my left shoulder much to allow for some restful healing to take place.   It still pains me with certain motion, but I am hopeful that more rest and a good night's sleep will work for me.  Despite my rest stops along the way today I did get some good work done.  My work week will tax me for another day, and then my weekend will bring work of a different sort.  Seems like I am not only trying to keep up with my working life, but my 'living' life as well.  Both are very challenging and a bit overwhelming.  But I have to figure that if I have made it now these 65 years I can hang in there a little longer.  (And hopefully a lot longer!)

We did get 3 new toilets today.  Sheila says that the one in our bathroom is too high for her.  I haven't tried it out yet because we had to wait for hours before we could use them.  She said that she was able to mark off something from her list.  It wasn't a Mustang convertible, but it will be nice to have all three again and not have to worry about them leaking all over the floor again.  

 

Here  I am at the end of my day and I ought to feel better about my day then I do.  I had a really good day.  I got a lot done, and I had 2 days in a row of new work that I will still be working on tomorrow.  But I'm not delighted.  I'm satisfied, but I don't feel thrilled or over joyed.  Satisfied, that seems to be a pretty good word.  I wish I could describe it as something more, but 'satisfied' is the word that I will stay with.  This Wednesday, March 21st was a satisfying day.

 

I long for something more.  I want something more.  I'm not complaining, but I have been hoping for something more.  I just hope that I recognize it when I see it.

I had one of my most productive days in a long time.  Too bad it wasn't 'work' productive.  It was task productive with things like taxes and appointments and taking my blood pressure and gospel study and pondering productive.  The work hadn't picked up enough to be work productive, but the end of the day was good to me so tomorrow should be productive that way because I finally have something to do.  I do know that things will happen, but I apparently am still working on the patience and faith part of things.  It seems that I need to have circumstances force me into activity.  I do okay when I have to be creative and spontaneous, but I seem to do even better when I don't have to think I just have to organize what is right there in front of me.  So for tomorrow things are looking up.  I hope that it isn't too late to salvage this week.  

 

Seems we may get 3 new toilets tomorrow.  The one downstairs has been gone since near the first of the year.  Our's started acting up again over the weekend.  And  we are going for the best deal to do all three at the same time.  Seems like something is breaking every time we turn around.  My printer has developed a problem which causes me to look to replace if soon.  We've been waiting on the car for a long time, but will wait a lot longer on that.  My electrical system in my office could stand some repair and Sheila has an even longer list of other stuff in the house.  We have to eat this elephant one bite at a time.  And boy is it a big and ornery creature!

Again I have a retraction that I must publish.  I was wrong when I wrote that Sharon's new car was a 'new' car.  It was a used car.  But when Sheila called me this afternoon and said that she was in that car on the freeway and Sharon was driving 90 miles an hour with the top down and giggling all the time--well, that was true.  I'm thinking of starting a pool about when Sharon will get her first speeding ticket.  Any takers?       I finally got my messy situation with my doctor figured out today.  I got new pills and I have been using my new blood pressure machine for several days now.  Now I need to make my doctor's appointments for sometime next month.  I will do that tomorrow.  I also hope to see my work increase.  Right now it is slacking and will be a serious slack if it doesn't improve this week.  I am trying so hard to inch forward in so many different things.  I'm concerned about my health, my future, my spiritual progress, demands of things around the house that need to be fixed and the weather. Just keeping up is a real challenge. Everything plays a role and it all needs attention and  could be done better if I will just do my job right.  I sometimes feel that you kids live such a hectic, busy life, but my own situation seems to demand more from me then I can give.  So getting older isn't a solution.  It has it's own set of problems and in some ways they are worse then the one's we faced when we were raising kids.  Can't change 'em though so the answer is still the same.  Just keep doing what you can as well as you can and hope that the rest won't come back and bite you. (too often!)

Where do I start?    Just hung up the phone with Sharon.  Earlier we were at an Eagle Court of Honor where 2 of her 'sons' received their Eagle Scout award.  We were advised to drive by her place on our way home to see the reason for her 'bucket list' comment on her Facebook from last week.  Seems like Johnny is more crazy in love then I thought (maybe just plain crazy)  There it was parked in the carport: a brand new 2011 Mustang convertible full sized automobile!  Her call was to see what we thought about this wonderful new stage in her life.  I do admit to a small, brief, momentary flash of wow (I'm jealous) which immediately changed into a 'good on ya' to coin a phrase from my Australian experience.  We really are happy for her, and do not expect the 'bucket' part to show up any time soon.  I also wanted to tell her what I was thinking about during that ceremony where Bryant and Colton received their Eagle.  

We know that the afterlife will be a wonderful time of blessings restored or received in order to make things right for a sometimes cruel earth experience.  Families will be reunited and also created by uniting individuals who may not have made connections during mortality, but who will finish the family line for the rest of eternity.  It is very conceivable to see people who were strangers here become family there to make up for those who forfeit that blessing.  To me that is a joyful thought.  Families will be complete then regardless of what takes place here that fractures them.  For me I see that blessing being fulfilled early.  My 18.50 % day will actually be much more then that.  It will be a joining of an eternal family in this 2nd estate rather then waiting for the millennium and I get to be blessed to experience it for myself as well as for some special people who I love.  Talk about joy and rejoicing!  Our lives will continue to be the tests that they already are, but this will certainly be a big portion of Heaven blessing us before it actually arrives.

 

Nothing extraordinary.  In fact, today was very much like yesterday.  I felt like I accomplished even more, but I was unable to dwell on any sense of satisfaction at all.  I just moved on and eventually got bored with watching basketball and simply waited out the day.  I just reread yesterday's entry and it made even more sense to me.  Apparently I do change.  I miss being able to celebrate longer, but if this is part of the price I pay then so be it.  I reread Section 4 again and I see it as a road map.  I am working on the 10 items stated in verse 6.  I figure that if I can do those 10 things I will be what I want to be.  But some of them I have a hard time defining right now, let alone 'being' them.  I, also, am feeling my age a bit and see that, as my dad would say, "you can't learn it any younger".  So 'it' needs special attention from this moment forward.  My work is cut out for me, but I do have hope and faith and hopefully with lots of work I can do this.  So whether anything extraordinary happens or not 'that' would be quite extraordinary.

The standard that I have chosen to live by has its advantages and It also has some disadvantages.  The advantages are mostly obvious, but the down side sometimes is a surprise.  Right now I should be feeling pretty good about my day.  I actually did quite a few things on my 'small victories' list. But I don't feel that good about them.  I think its that moment of satisfaction that seem to shrink the further we travel down our road of progress.  In other words, we grow as we learn how to spend less and less time celebrating and more and more time looking to the next project or task at hand.  This is a thing that I have experienced before, but I didn't think it would be such a part of the 'road of progress'.  So, what I did get done does matter and will contribute to future endeavors.  I just can't enjoy it for very long.  Soo, what about tomorrow.  There are still things on my 'list'.  And I'm sure many more tasks that I haven't listed yet.  So today is now ended and limbo comes in with the night.  Tomorrow writes a whole new chapter.  Maybe more normal, mundane tasks.  And, who knows, maybe one of the extraordinary events might find its way into our day.

I wasn't the only one who didn't have a good day.  I just looked up Cortney's softball game.  2-1 Too bad.  The Y didn't fare any better and that game in the afternoon really took me out of my game plan.  I kept looking for something to do that would get me started, but I never found a magic pill.  So mostly I just hung around waiting for the day to end.  I could never say the day was wasted because there is always something to hold on to.  But today I just never found it.  I get that way some times, so I have to start counting my blessings.  I have always been able to find more to count for me then agin me. And today is no exception.  There is actually lots and lots to count on my side.  So much that I start to feel a bit guilty about feeling sorry for myself.  And still there is always tomorrow.  Maybe one day that won't be the case, but I am quite sure that for right now there will be a tomorrow.  And I will get up and shower and dress and get into the office and actually do something productive.  I started a list today of things I could do to have small victories.  And then I got so wrapped up in the game that I left it at that as if just creating the list was enough.  It wasn't and I feel the blaah of the way I chose to live the rest of my today.  But tomorrow, ah tomorrow.  My intentions are good, so stay tuned and see if the results are too.

I know that things aren't always as they seem.  I also know that things are not always good.  This world is a place of trial and evil and bad things that are everywhere.  And, of course, bad things do happen to good people.  I was just walking back home from the church thinking about my day and knowing that I really hadn't done my best.  Here I am thinking about making it back to Heavenly Father and I can't even finish off one day perfectly.  It seems a contradiction.  But then I realize that it isn't.  The expectation is not meant to be right here, and right  now.  The truth is that this expectation is eternal.  And even if it takes that 'eternity' to finish the job, well then, that's alright.  I guess that I can't even say that every day has to be better then the previous day.  I try, but my reality isn't that.  I make progress then I backslide and sometimes its a step backwards and then a step forward.  Mathematically that equals zero, but in life I believe that it can be counted as progress.  (At least I hope it can!)  Life tires us out in more ways then one.

 

I dream about what it might be like to have everything happen the way that I want, but not for long.  I'm smart enough to separate my dreams and my reality, at least some of my dreams.  I guess that there are a few things that were dreams and now they are real.  And I plan of some other dreams that I have becoming real someday.  Its hard to imagine this body being 'renewed', but that is the promise.  And the other promises that go along with that will happen as well.  They do seem like dreams, but one day that will be the reality for all of us.  Keeping that in mind helps make the days before tolerable and we work for the days ahead.

I am impressed.  I really began to doubt that BYU could come back to win their game tonight.  I almost packed it in and if there was something really appealing I might have been tempted.  But I hung in there and they even more so to come back from 25 down and win convincingly.  Wow!  I am also happy for Cortney's team.  They won their softball game too.  Me, I won a few small victories today too.  I fell behind in the score, but woke up late in the game and got a few things done that I've put off way too long.  I didn't win all of my victories, but maybe a few more positives then negatives.  So my Tuesday is now gone.  I have no choice but to start planning for Wednesday.  They keep on coming.  Pretty tiring.  Tomorrow night Sheila is going out to dinner with Lora and Sandra so I will be on my own.  I wonder if I'll settle for cold cereal.  If I didn't enjoy my life so much and almost everything in it I would be frustrated about that.  As it is I just get frustrated about trying to do it all and do it all better and better.  I admit I have made progress, but I am not where I want to be.  But just like BYU I'm going to keep on playing and eventually I will finish with some kind of a win.

The comments and congratulations are still coming in to Sharon's Facebook.  We are definitely not alone in being thrilled for her present circumstances.  I hope it continues without much negative stuff popping up.  All of us surely want the best for 'all of us'.  I feel that my own circumstances are on a bit of an upswing as well.  No easy road, but it is a pleasant journey with possibilities instead of road blocks.  I do tend to settle in to a routine and my 2012 routine seems a slight bit better then 2011.  This year does look like a pretty eventful period in our lives.  Know some of what will happen, but the other stuff just 'feels' like it will happen.  Just where it will all lead is still a mystery, but we hope it is a good mystery.  My new word for the day is 'pensive'.  I am trying to be more pensive. I see it as a skill too.  To be good at it requires practice and I am trying to be good at 'pensiveness'.  Of course, I define it in my own way as a positive thing and as a powerful thing.  It can bring learning and understanding and even edification, all of which I need and seek.  Being an old man that is where my desires are and a skill that I can develop without injuring myself.  I think that it has a lot to do with wisdom.  And who could ask for more then to be wise.  Isn't that what the scriptures say:  "Oh be wise, what can I say more?"

 

Pensive is to wisdom as my push ups are to strength and endurance.

I did alright earlier, but I am beginning to feel that hour of sleep that I lost last night.  I know that some forgot to change there clock and were late to church (the opening prayer, and the closing prayer, but he got there in time for the closing prayer because he got a text message from a counselor during the meeting). It normally takes the week to get on schedule with the new timing.  I can't imagine that 1/3 of the month of March is now history.  It is way too fast for me.  Been a good day.  This empty nester stuff isn't half bad.  Sheila even took a nap today.  That is unusual for her.  I'd like to be able to write that exciting story of my day, but it was pretty normal.  It was a good Sunday and I felt like I nourished my spirit with reading, pondering and Sheila did have time to talk.  She read her patriarchal blessing this morning and I read mine last week.  We both have some questions about our lives.  Course we can't figure out our past let alone our future.  But we are here and that is the adventure.  I just feel great that we can share it together.  And whatever comes, well, it will come and all we can do is receive it.  For now we just stumble forward, and that word seems to really describe how we feel.

One of my better Saturdays in a while.  Not bad compared to any of my recent days either.  I was worried that I would end up wasting my time, but I kept on the track pretty well.  I even got one very big job taken care of that has been hanging over me since the first of the year.  I started work on our taxes and completed my first draft.  It didn't turn out as badly as I thought that it might.  I still would prefer to not pay any taxes, but I do what I have to do.  Now I will rely on Phil to approve what I've done or let me know what else I will need to do.  I still have time for the rest of the work, but it does feel good to have this much done, finally.  Then tonight I did what I knew was right for me to do and made phone calls to ward folk to be there tomorrow and sing in the choir.  Our attendance is normally quite dismal and tomorrow we are supposed to sing in church.  Hence, the calls.  I also reminded them about day light savings and the lost hour of sleep.  I will deal with that myself, so there are a number who will have no excuse if they sleep in too late.  I believe that I have set myself up for Monday quite well.  I'm prepared to do what will need doing then and have done enough to relax until then.  I feel like I have learned stuff today from my early morning inspiration time to study time throughout the day.  It always feels good to be taught.  I hope to experience some more of that as I conclude my day, and especially as Sunday comes and goes.  

I have to figure out what to call June 1st.  Let's see:  maybe 18.5 %

 

 

Whatever the math it will be the day that we have 32 grand kids ***

and Sharon will jump way ahead of her mother with 10 children!!!

I was in the office and working for a while before I decided to check and see if I could find out about that bill on P I's being able to do all that constable's can do.  I found out that it did pass, so now I will just have to wait and see if it means anything to me.  It could, and then it might not.  Something else did happen in the legislature that is good for me.  I found out about it in an e-mail from Shelli.  It seems that good old Johnny finally got around to proposing to Sharon and he was really creative.  He was at the state capital until its midnight deadline and after that he stood up and before all of his colleagues  had Sharon come over and he got down on his knee and did it the tradition, old fashioned way.  We were able to actually see in on the internet because a reporter covering the session recorded it on a cell phone and it was on the news and then posted on the web.  I give him high marks for his creativity and his moxey.  For me and Sheila it was a wonderful sight to behold.  We did talk to her on the phone, but it will be even nicer to see her in person and congratulate her (and them).  It was a good thing that I had mostly finished my work by then because that took me right out of the mood to do anything more.  We did drive uptown to do Richard's errands and we ended up eating our yeeros (however its spelled).  and tonight I watched BYU volleyball and did an hour on my bike and Sheila has been babysitting.  Its early, but I am ready to end my day down here and go upstairs for some study, some pondering and eventually a long night's sleep.

Yesterday I ended my day with a bit of feeling like I had left some small victories un-won.  I am talking about filling my time with little jobs that go undone unless there is 'round tuit' time.  And I had some of that time and I simply wasted it.  I wanted to do better today.  Well, I actually had less free time and I didn't get to any of the 'list' tasks that have been hanging around for weeks.  I did do a couple of very small jobs and I was surprised at how good it felt to do such small jobs.  So I felt like I did make some progress, but the list is still there and I really need to get to it soon.  I will probably wait to really try until Saturday, but I can't wait any longer then that.  

 

I heard some good news today that got my imagination running.  Sharon's Johnny ( the legislator) called me to ask me about a bill that showed up today.  It wants to give P. I's the same authority as Constable's have.  We can do almost all, but there are 3 or 4 papers that we can't serve ( not supposed to serve)  If it does pass it will be a good thing for me and Richard, but I learned to wait and see first.  I felt good that I was a credible source of information for Johnny and I think I helped him know how to be responsible to his job.  And, again, if it passes it will be good for me.  And I really can't help but hope that it does happen.  

My life sure is complicated.  I feel so overwhelmed.  I try to slow it down, but I can't.  I just have to let things slide and I am trying to learn how to not be so hard on myself.  I am still working on that.

 

 

Dividend    That's my word for today.  A dividend is getting something without having to do something to earn it.  The mail brought the monthly statement of our I R A  which we started years ago mainly as a tax deduction.  Over the years it has grown some (its not huge!) and sometimes it went backwards.  This year it has actually grown for 2 months in a row!  That is a dividend.  We also received word of an even better dividend.  Finally, finally Sharolyn's boy got here.  (last night actually)  That make 25!  It is so much better then an I R A.  This is what 'joy and rejoicing' is.  This is the stuff that really matters.  Right now I feel far away from the little guy, because I am far away.  But he is ours now and will always be.  We are really happy for Sharolyn and David.  A lot of stuff in my life is uncertain and even exasperating, but family is not one of them.  (That is true, but not true at the same time.)  I still am trying to figure it all out and there is so much that seems unsettled, but a new grand child is very settling.  Family may well be the only thing that is settling.  Here it is only Wednesday night and I already feel like I'm ready for the weekend to be here.  Too bad.  Tomorrow is only Thursday.

Out of habit I start to end my day here by writing a page for my journal.  A habit can be a good thing and this one is.  I often wonder how good, but at the very least I am following through with a decision that I made years ago.  And that does count for something.  Beyond that I really don't know if it does any good.  I have 4 followers who read it every once in a while but not often enough for it to be much of a message board.  And so far I am so boring that nothing much that I write excites any reaction.  I still hope that one day something will happen to me or us that is so interesting that it will make my blog not to miss reading.  Until that happens it will remain me writing and hardly anyone reading.  I'll continue to fill up my book and at least say that I said that I would do it and I did it.

 

A cold walk over to the church.  Another snow storm, but although blustery not much impact.  (tell that to the people who slide off of the freeway in the morning!)  The 'experts' make sure that they let us know about the gravity of the water situation  for next year.  Thank you, but I figure that mother natures husband knows what he is doing.

 

I do have to admit that I am okay with boring.  I'm used to it and it doesn't over excite me.  But, that exciting thing to write about is something that I wouldn't mind either.

It was hard for me to get up this morning. In fact, it was a dream that woke me up @ 7:11 when I 'heard' Sheila tell me that we had visitors.  I knew that Marv would be here around 7:30 so I quickly got up and read my scriptures and did my 51 push ups and dressed and had my prayer.  Since then it has been a pretty normal abnormal sort of a day.  We have been waiting all day to hear that Sharolyn had her baby, but we are still waiting.  Apparently there was no room at the 'inn', but she did expect to be admitted maybe sometime tonight.  I took time off of work to watch BYU women win their conference basketball title.  That was a game that I really enjoyed watching.  But it sure did put me out of the mood to get back to my work.  I had several bowls of Wheaties for my dinner.  I also used my little heater today and experienced some difficulty in learning how it works.  But it does and I have even been a little bit too warm part of this evening.  With yesterday being the kind of Sunday that it was and today being part play time too I didn't get into a real good work-rythym although I did accomplish some good things like closing out my ween # 9 (last week)  And my numbers from last week and the 1st day of this week are actually quite good.  I also continued my streak of scaring Sheila by sneaking up on her while she is working in the kitchen.  Today was one of my better ones, and no, she isn't a screamer.  I was rushed to start my day and now I will be rushed as I end my day.  Hopefully tomorrow I can establish a better and more even pace to my day, and continue to be warm in my basement office even though it is supposed to snow again tomorrow.

I made it through 3/4 but it was a done deal so I went to bed.  I did read about it in the paper after the block, but it wasn't any better then.

I did wake up with an idea for my testimony and ended up  sticking to it and hopefully adding to the meeting.  Of course, throughout the block I couldn't keep my mouth shut and did speak out several times.  the rest of the day was peaceful until the family arrived.  We ended up with 28, including 4 (5) who will joining the family later this year bringing us to 30!  I know because Johnny asked for some private time with me and he told me that he was going to ask Sharon sometime this week to marry him.  We ended up with what I thought was a very nice heart to heart.  He told me stuff and I preached stuff to him.  In the end we had a father/son hug and went back out into the chaos.  The  noise was music to my ears and I felt real good about my role as a father and a grand father, and in this case especially a father in law.  He told me that in the 3 months that we have known him we have shown more kindness then in the 21 years of marriage with his previous in-laws.  I believe that 'it' was felt by all and it seemed to take forever to get them to leave for their own homes.  Finally the place is quiet and I am beginning to notice how tired I am.  But I know that my day isn't over yet because now I have to go back upstairs and tell Sheila everything that I can remember about my 'interview' with our future son-in-law. 

I'm torn between going to bed and staying up and watching the 2nd half of the BYU game.  I wonder if they can come back from a really bad 1st half and if it is worth it either way.  I will be able to sleep in some tomorrow because it is Sunday, but I was up late last night and I could use the sleep.  I feel a little over dosed on tv today anyway.  That is a bit ironic with what I thought about and wrote about yesterday.  I even had a nice discussion with Sheila today where we both expressed desires to do better at 'finding ourselves' in this stage of our lives.  We both have similar feelings about wondering what might be if we could figure out something different.  But today wasn't a very good day to start that.  The BYU women played this afternoon.  I watched the men's volleyball match too.  Now will it be a full or a half game tonight?  

 

Oh,  my wife bought me a little heater for my office.  She know how cold it gets down here, and it was nice for her to do that for me.  It makes my decision about staying up harder, because I can always say that I'm testing it out and not necessarily watching a ball game.

 

Regardless, tomorrow will be the best day of the weekend.  For a start I like Sunday and having the family here for f.h.e will make it a special day.

I am behaving like I was a youngster.  Here it is almost 12 and I'm just finishing up down here in my office.  I did work through most of the day, but tonight was fan time.  I watched BYU win in volleyball and basketball and I saw the end of the Jazz game vs. the Miami Heat. (jazz 99 heat 98!)  I have to be honest though and admit that there are things that I could have done that I did not do today.  I do that a lot.  I am a lazy bum sometimes and I would like to do more, but I just don't.  Then I think about all that we are taught and I realize that we can't do it all, and it isn't wise to try.  We have to find our pace.  Maybe I'm just not happy with my pace.  And maybe I'm not quite adjusted to the pace of being 65 and thinking much younger.  I know that at my age I have to work smarter, not harder.  Either way I'm not 'there' yet.  Even this morning when I could have really slept in I got up just before 8  (one minute before!)  I see tomorrow doing better (later).  I do have to figure a way to better organize myself.  There are things that I could be doing that simply don't come into my mind when I have a moment for them.  I need to think about that.  I haven't gotten back to my book either.  When I think of that it depresses me.  Here I am all grown up and still wondering what I am doing with myself.  Why is this life so darn complicated?

Wow!  Snow two days in a row.  Winter is so bad!  (tongue in cheek)  This has actually been one of the wimpiest winters in a long time.  But it has been cold, and as I wrote last night my old age and the cold are not as compatible as they have been.  And today is a new month so I got my church keys back and had to go over there tonight walking in the weather.  I did wear a good coat and kept my hood on there and back.  It actually felt okay to be back on the job.  And I was needed.  Not only were a few lights left on and doors left open inside the building the two main south doors had not been locked.  No one will ever know, but that is an interesting aspect of this calling that I am still trying to comprehend and embrace.  The best thing is that Sheila doesn't have to work tomorrow, so the alarm doesn't have to be set, so we won't have to be awakened at 6 am!  I won't sleep in much, but its the knowing that I can that feels good.

 

I picked up a good saying the other day.  I did write it down and I have thought well of it several times since.  So I will record it here for me and mine for now and forever:  "A man is known by the company that he avoids".  I have things that I am learning to avoid so that makes sense to me.  Oh yeah, to go along with my feeling good about not having to get up early I got the papers for both Richard and Marv today, so that won't be hanging over me in the morning either.  I do have work, and I will be 'excited' to get up and get going on it, but the pressure is off.  Makes it feel a bit like a weekend.  And I like weekends.  I like week days too.  In fact, I like everything that I do.  I like sleeping and I like being awake.  I like being with people and I like being alone. I like reading and I like watching TV.  The one thing that I don't like is the restraint of time and place.  Won't it be a blast when in the next world they won't exist?  It'll take getting used to, but apparently it works well for Father.