I pulled out my newspaper that I saved from that day in Hobart, Tasmania.  The fire was on February 7th, 1967.  In the paper of two days later the headline was:  Fire death toll now at 47--3,000 homeless.  More then 600 homes were destroyed and the prediction was that there would be more deaths recorded.  I decided to look it up on line and I found that it is listed as 62 dead, 900 injured and over 7,000 homeless. 1293 was the final total along with additional devastation of bridges, infrastructure and 62,000 farm animals killed.  It really seems surreal to realize that I was there.  Haven't thought about it for years and I wonder now how much it changed me at least as far as what I wrote about last night.  I know that I had no idea of the impact at the time.  In light of our recent fires in Colorado Springs and the current fires here in Utah right now it certainly ranks high.  Sheila and I talked about what I wrote last night and we wonder if it is a good thing or a bad thing to  develop a little distance to things that happen around us.  We really didn't come to a conclusion.  It is also complicated by the simple fact that we just can't do it all.  And part of 'all' is feeling deeply about all that happens around us.  Besides, even if I did nothing today it was still something and did fill up my waking hours and took my energy.

Murphy's Law: (another of them)  The task at had expands to fill up the time available. (even if it is doing nothing!)

I don't think of myself as being uncaring.  But I make myself wonder a bit when I examine me watching the news about this wild fire out in Herriman.  It was close enough to see the smoke and its been on all of the news outlets since this afternoon.  The latest that I heard was 3 houses and several other out buildings destroyed.  I know that it is devastating to those affected.  So I wonder if I am wrong to be 'hard' to it all.  I feel myself actually fighting the feeling and it is as if I could let it hurt a lot if allowed, but I won't do that.  So I guess that I can't say that I don't 'feel' its just that I defend myself to keep from feeling deeply.  Does that make sense?  I have a bit of a flash back to that February in 1966 (?) in Tasmania.  I was out in it then.  It destroyed several hundred homes and if my memory serves me correctly killed over 100 people (I'll have to check that out)  Since then I have seen a lot of tragedy, but I do not handle it well.  Maybe I am cold or hard or too tough.  And maybe I am just human and do my best to maintain so as not to feel too deeply and feel just how helpless I really am.

Sheila had to be up earlier to drive down to Shauni's.  She left just after 8 and didn't get back until after 2 pm.  So I just got up, dressed and into the office and just got busy.  I had plenty to do for the morning and in to the afternoon.  Then I slowed down some and watched some tennis and other tv and only worked on and off for the rest of the day (mostly off!).  I wanted to do my bike riding, but last night I found that the bike didn't work well.  The grand kids playing on it had adjusted it so I could hardly budge it. I hope that it is simply the batteries that need replacing.  So I put it off for a day.  Then today Sheila brought some batteries down, but they were the  wrong size.  So I still have hope that new batteries can fix the problem, but first I need to get the new batteries ('c').  I feel a bit down because I don't have a lesson to prepare for and I'm not reading a book that interests me right now.  I need to find something to do because I feel badly when I just sit around.  I don't do 'nothing' well.  I can call napping doing something, but only in small doses.  I need to find something to fill up the slack.  At least today was better because I showered this morning.  I have felt pretty good all day, just a little lazy.  Normally I can think my way into feeling productive, but for some reason I couldn't or didn't get into that today.  Funny, having down time should be a perk.  But to me it seems like a burden.  I just have to become more creative.

It's waaay past my bedtime.  But time well spent with surprise drop in visitors.  Nicholas and Daria dropped in and we spent a very pleasant almost 2 hours getting to know her and testing her memory of names and faces.  I wish that I had been more presentable, but she didn't seem to notice.  She is a lovely young lady.  And Nicholas is and has always  been my favorite first grandchild.  It topped off a pretty good day that I can now put to bed (pun intended) and look to Thursday and try to make it full and productive as well.  Poor Sheila.  She needs to be up early to be down at Shauni's around 8:30 in the morning.  Seems Shauni traded her birthday money for time.  So Sheila saves $10.00 and gets to spend time with some of the grand kids.  I'm sure she'll get home worn out.  But she'll have some cute stories to tell, as well.  Me, it will me same old, same old.  I'm not complaining.  My commute is tolerable.  No heavy lifting.  And my boss is pretty good to get a long with.  So even though there are no benefits there are some benefits.  And each day gets me closer to 'the' day.  I just need to figure out what 'the' day is so I will know it when it finally comes along. 

There I was 'watching' tv and I realized that I had dozed off.  Time to call it a day and get some real sleep.  I'm not quite sure why I am so tired right now except that I have worked long and 'hard' (if you can call paperwork hard--I can)  Also, having the grand kids gone and the house quiet does do something to you.  It makes for a relaxing change that adds to the fatigue.  I also know that old age is also at work here.  Whatever, I am looking forward to the repose before the new day.  I feel loads better about today.  It just seemed to go smoother.  And now it is back to where it should be.  One thing that was different was that I had more phone calls that actually had me doing something.  I arranged.  I helped some folks with answers to their questions.  And I managed work.   Now I have my sights set on Wednesday.  I may finally get to a 'lower' level of tasks that have been building up on my desk.  It is calling out to me.  And I also get my 'secretary' back.  If she doesn't like 'secretary' then I get my 'administrative assistant' back.  I haven't yet been able to work side my side in the office much with 'her'.  Maybe tomorrow I will.  The prospect makes for youthful anticipation.  (as 'youthful' as I am capable of at my age)

I guess that I can't expect 2 Sundays in a row because Sunday doesn't come 2 in a row.  So I had to settle for Monday, which isn't Sunday, nor did it feel like Sunday.  When I realized that Monday was Monday and my Sunday wouldn't be repeating my mind had to adapt and to be fair to Monday it wasn't all that bad.  I did miss
Sunday, but okay, it was Monday so take it for what it is (was).  And I cannot complain.  As with most any day lots of different things contributed and some were less and some were more.  $-wise it was a good day.  That is earning $-wise.  In fact, even at this hour I am still waiting for Richard to get back after serving 14 writs and have been a long time coming.  That will give him a really good and since we pretty much split it will also give me a good day.  I got some housekeeping paperwork done, and saw my week pick up a bit for tomorrow.  So for a Monday it wasn't bad.  

 

By tomorrow I should be past my Sunday and get with the program.  I can do better and who knows, maybe one day I can have 2 Sunday's in a row, or at least 2 extraordinary whatever they end up being days.  Til then I really am quite happy with ordinary day because my ordinary is real quite unique and a lot better then I give it credit for.

Something happened today that hasn't happened in a long, long time.  Sheila took a nap.  It actually lasted for 2 hours!  I guess I have really tired her out and she really needed the rest.  Or, maybe it was all that she does for me and others that has kept her up nights and has made her sleep less satisfying.  Whatever the reason I was thrilled to let her sleep that extra hour (my nap lasted for one hour) knowing that tonight would probably be another night that would be sleep challenged.  I figure I will sleep okay, but if I don't I can just lay there feeling good about my day and reliving what I figure was a good lesson and actually a real nice block experience that did for me what Sunday is designed to do.  They all give me something good, but Sunday's like today are more rare.  It has really been a good day.  Now I need it to carry over to this last week of this 6th month of this year, 2012.  I really don't want it to end, which is really quite odd for me on a Sunday night.  But this time I kind of look forward to it ending and actually am ready to face the new week because of how today has gone for me.  Bring it on.  Let Monday begin.  Tomorrow is the 1st day of the rest of my life!

Maybe I ought to do this writing in the morning.  Then  wouldn't be to tired and mentally out of focus to think of something good to put down.  But having it fresh in mind is a good thing too, even though that is the only thing that is fresh.  Today has been a relative day of leisure, but doing nothing or next to it is as exhausting as doing something.  This evening we were up at Shelli's for Chase's 9th birthday and we were outside visiting. Sherri was explaining their summer schedule mainly due to Cortney's basketball camps and I got exhausted just hearing it.  I know that all of the kids have a pretty similar situation.  Heck, we had only one of the grand kids overnight (Jonah) and our night's sleep was affected.  It is a good thing that young parents don't have old people energy.  I really feel for those that I read about as grand parents that end up raising a new set of grand kids for one reason or another.  I know how hard that would be.  There are lots of things that being old is designed to teach us, but being young isn't one of them.  I'm doing my best at it, but for the most part I get to do 'old' things as an 'old' person.

I am so ready for a day to ourselves.  (That is until 3 of them get here tomorrow night for a 2 day trial.)

My first real big work day in my new office.  Still did a little tweaking, but that was only moving some small things around so that they can be better used.  I did adjust my 'new' chair again and I am finally perfectly happy with it.  It was Sheila's first big time here too.  At one point we were sitting side by side she doing her work and me doing mine.  It seemed to work out fine.  Maybe it will work into us needing a laptop so we can work at the same time, but it didn't seem that way today.  We were able to overlap quite successfully.  I ended up working tonight.  In fact, I just finished the work I needed to get ready for Stan for morning.  I have actually been hard at it throughout most of the day.  So right now I am really tired.  I really am ready to finish out my day and wind down with some scripture reading and some study and 'prayful time'.  I have my Sunday lesson pretty well in mind, but it is never really prepared and does constantly change.  We have an overnight visitor.  Seems Jonah got the short end of the farming out process and he is with us.  Sheila tells me each time I go upstairs that the little guy likes me.  (Actually she says that he loves me.)  And he does seem to notice me in a positive way.  Wonder how he'll do spending the night.  I look around the office and I am quite satisfied with it, but I do see so much that still needs my attention.  And work, well, I have piles and piles of that yet to get to.  At least as far as tomorrow goes the real pressure has been dealt with.  And I am even pretty well on my way to getting a good Monday ready to go too.  So, my #'s did come up to an acceptable place.  Not as good as the last to, but comparable to 'normal' good #'s.  We are actually making some progress!!

 

Today has ended up productive, but it wasn't because of me.  I just happened to be here.  I, myself, was actually quite UNproductive.  I got up with such energy, but it quickly went away and I spent most of my time not working hard an not producing.  Then came the evening and I had to force myself to get some things done with a deadline.  I did, but I left lots for me to do tomorrow.  Then I intended to do an hour on the bike.  I even changed into my sweats to do that work out.  But I ended up spending time riding the porcelain horse (toilet) and after several trips I decided to not start the other work 'out'.  I will end my day thankful for good things, but knowing that they came in spite of me instead of because of me.  I did finally figure out how to twist this new (to me) chair so I could get it high enough to be comfortable for me.  That seemed to come to me too.  Anyway, my week isn't going to end up being that bad.  I will have good things to show for it in addition to my new office.  I am happy and a little bewildered to see the week come to an end.  I can't seem to get used to this time thing.  It just seems to go so fast.  Here it is already in the last 1/3 of June!  And after 65 years I know that my days do not turn out as I plan for them to work out.  That is a given.  There are so many different things that come together to make my days.  I realize that it has been and will be that way.  But I keep on being surprised.   But that is probably a good thing.  At least it keeps me from getting bored.

What a productive day!  Sheila even found out how we could raise up the 'new' chair that Pete had given me so I could use it in my 'new' office.  Yes, my office is nearly completely redone.  It has never been cleaner and now I actually have 3 work spaces that I can easily slide back and forth to on any of 3 different office chairs.  I still have a little detail clean up work to do, but with Richard's help we even got the old and broken tread mill hauled away (from the office--it is in the garage) along with the desk that Sheila was using.  Now she will share my work spaces with me and we should be compatible.  We got another old broken down chair hauled out to the back so the un-office end of the room is roomy and uncluttered.  I have some plans to get something to put all of my journal stuff in eventually, but I will take my time on that so I can enjoy the new look workability in my office.  I was able to do a lot of little things that add to the way that I work.  I really am quite pleased with the present result and I am actually excited to be able to work in this new set up.  

I've had a pretty good day.  Had quite a bit of time to work on my office redo and I actually made some progress.  Sheila said that she liked what I did and that I actually inspired her to do some work on her own office upstairs.  She does have an office down here too and today she was able to put in time enough to do the work that I have been paying Sharon to do.  What with Sharon and Johnny being on their cruise I asked Sheila to work for me for now.  While we were talking she made me realize how deep of a hole we are in, but I have hope that we are making progress.  This week, however, has not been up to par with the last two.  I can weather one week below par, but it really needs to pick up at least by next week.  I am getting rid of so much stuff that I've been hoarding for years that was really unnecessary.  Couldn't really say why I've been holding on to it.  I guess that I have just been lazy about keeping the office 'slim'.  Maybe I needed to get rid of this 'hoarding gene'.  So now I will keep on working on the redo and eventually I will have a redesigned work space.  Maybe I can redesign some other things in the process.  It seems so overwhelming.  Sheila read her list to me of all the things that she wants to get rid of or redo or replace.  Wow!  Maybe that's why I haven't done it for such a long time.  It's like starting something that then seems to take on a life of its own.   But it is really a good life that I probably needed. 

I've been here in the office all day.  Sheila was gone most of the day to take this district food test.  So I just tried to keep busy.  I didn't have a lot of office work that needed doing so I forced myself to keep at the office redo and did a lot of shredding and throwing out to prepare the office and my mind for the job.  I still don't have a clear vision in my mind about how to do it, but I am laying some ground work so when I figure it out I will be closer to it and have a lot of the prep work finished.  Soooo, here I am tonight and I want to do something more so I am leaving myself some time to go up and sit in my green chair and read and have some prayful thought time and end my day on a pensive note and even keep alive the good thoughts and feeling from yesterday.  And I am looking forward to tomorrow and having Sheila around in the office for a big part of the day.

Today was Father's Day and it was special for that and the children who define me that way.  But I just took a trip down memory lane by viewing the pictures that were posted about my brother, Denny.  So I see it now in a broader picture of father, children and mothers and wives----family!  I had not allowed myself to see that picture for a  long time.  I seem to prefer to live in the day and not the past.  But I cannot nor do I want to separate myself from that.  Even though it is hard to 'feel' the past it is a very special part of who I am.  Those pictures may have been mostly of Denny, but that was me too.  That was me growing up in a time and place that seems far removed from me.  But I really believe that it will still, someday, be even more a part of me when I am able to have it again.  It really is a similar feeling that I think about when I consider me being a father (and a grand father)  strange, surreal weird and a little haunting, but warm and nice.  Knowing that we have created 'this' is so hard to define, but so wonderful.  And it is a most confirming and gratifying blessing of my life.  'This' including my wife, our children, all the in laws and out laws and all of the prodigy resulting.  How blessed are we.

This idea to redo my office is turning into a much bigger project then I first thought.  I really don't have a clue about the final design that I want or will eventually settle on.  But I am finding just how much work that it will be.  I spent much of today just shredding old paper that has been cluttering up my files.  I shredded some stuff that went back to 2001 and a few papers that were even older.  It was a bit of a purge because I got rid of all of my old Constable business stuff.  It was a bit like putting a part of me out of the way.  I can't deny that part of my life because I was that for more then 40 years.  But cleaning house (or office) means just that:  to clean house.  In a way it did feel like I was shedding something in my shredding.  I still have a lot more to do and I intend to completely reorganize everything in my office.  So what I did today wasn't all that much, but it was something.  So I feel good about what I did do.  And doing this frees me up for later.  Sheila and I are planning on sitting down together and watching a movie on TV.  Then I can look at more free time in the morning because nor more choir practice for a couple of months.  

 

I was touched when I saw the picture and post from Sharon on Facebook that I saw this morning.  I do think the there will be more of the same tomorrow and if so that will add to my Father's Day.  But I will feel it on my own too.  After all, there's no denying that I am a father (and grandfather) and I can't deny how much that means to me when I take time to evaluate my life.  That really is the bottom line!

I had to do it.  Sheila sort of commanded me.  And she was out doing something for me, so I just had to do something towards our goal of redoing my office.  I didn't do much, just transfers a couple of files from the stack able plastic tray to the 30 drawer metal file that Sheila had done the labels for earlier in the day.  Didn't take long unless you count the days and weeks that it took me to get around to it.  One step.  So many more to go, but at least I have started.

 

I really like the way that Friday nights feel.  Its as if I am joined in a great big sigh of relief from the week that was and is now gone.  A free and easy Saturday looms invitingly before me, and I just imagine sleeping even better because it is Friday.  The week wasn't perfect.  I left so much undone.  But fretting seems out of place when the weekend is upon me.  I have little idea of all that it will bring, but I know that it just feels better.  I hope that all of you can enjoy your weekend as well.  Kidney stones and tentacle operations and long work days, and all that life can afflict can be dealt with more easily because the weekend is upon us. 

I like this new internet age that lets me eavesdrop on the world.  So far I have been able to avoid being hacked or used or abused or have my I D stolen.  And I do enjoy checking up on the family and see pictures and stories and stuff.  I may be old, but I have adjusted to it pretty well.  But I sense that it is creeping beyond me in so may ways.  I see the kids with their fancy phones and I am amazed at what they can do.  I wish I was more savvy, but then I think that I really don't want that kind of intrusion into my life.  I enjoy my quiet time too much, and I can just hope that 'they' are able to find some of that in their life too.  Today has been slower then Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.  I could have just slept through it, but I let Sheila inspire me and we actually did a couple of tasks toward the idea of rearranging my office.  Small steps for sure, but finally some steps at all.  Sheila has been a good student and put time into her studying for her big test next Monday.  Me, I just take the day as it comes.  So much that I want to do, but so much that will require help or a succession of tasks before I can do what I want to do.  And my biggest 'mind stone' (that's a play on Shelli's kidney stones!) is a mental block about what I want for Father's Day.  I really can't think of anything I want from them.  All I can think of is stuff that I want to do for them.  And that is just as hard, because I haven't the means or the imagination.  I can only hope that what I am is something that they can take something positive from.

I am not alone tonight.  Sheila got back this afternoon after Logan and company got home from the hospital after a successful surgery.  Sheila did tell me that he walked into the house like he had just completed a very long horse back ride!  But he had a smile on his face, and things are looking up for him.  Tomorrow should be as good for Shelli when she gets her shunt (?) removed. My tomorrow should be a busy, busy day as the last week plus have been.  I am noticing a change for the better in my routine.  It feels good and I am so thankful.  I hope that it continues.  But somehow I am enjoying it differently then I did once upon a time.  I remember the slow times more and I am aware of others who suffer more, and it has made me more aware.  It really does feel different.  Hard to explain though, but very real to me.  It is an emotion that I am having a hard time finding words for.  I just know that I am changed.  It really seems to me that I am a different person.  Maybe when I get Sheila to read this she can tell me what she thinks and the two of us may be able to figure it all out better then I have been able to so far.

I am alone again tonight.  Logan's surgery got scheduled for early tomorrow which was a surprise.  So Sheila left about an hour ago to go up there and stay the night.  She packed her toothbrush, her jamies and candy and soda pop.  Seems the boys were set on coming down here and raiding the pantry so they were disappointed to have to stay home.  So good grandma packed the candy for them.  I learned a long time ago that service counts for family too.  And it is a good thing to have opportunities to serve family or not.  So here I am on my own and will be until tomorrow afternoon, but supporting the wife all the way.  And I really do do it willingly and I really do encourage her in spite of the terrible suffering that I have to endure (my own cooking!).

 

We enjoyed the food at our FHE group dinner and the companionship, but we hurried our departure when the discussion really got more negative then we were comfortable with.  Seems there was way too much complaining and judging and griping about politics and people and life in general.  So Sheila's appointment came in handy and we were able to get out of there without having to tell the whole truth.  What we said was true, but I wonder how long I would have lasted if it wasn't.  I wonder if maybe I have changed some to feel the way that I did.  I would have liked for the discussion to have been gospel related and positive.  I don't judge them, but it really did feel good to get out of there.

A day can be quite a long time.  There is ample opportunity to do lots of different things.  Sometimes I have energy enough to do lots of work, and sometimes I get distracted and find other things that I either just default to or choose to do thinking that there is some value in doing them.  My saying from last week was that 'the mind is capable of creating much more then any single day can accommodate'.  And knowing that I guess that I sometimes kind of give up knowing that I can't do it all anyway.  Today was a mixture of all of those.  I worked, I took time off to watch a movie.  I puttered some more and I did do an hour on the bike.  I need to take my blood pressure when I finish this and then do some serious thinking as I simmer down to the end of my day.  I didn't venture anywhere today, but just stayed in the office except for several trips upstairs for food and to go to the bathroom.  My work #'s were actually quite pleasing and I have high hopes for the rest of the week.  I need to put together a string of good weeks to really do for me what I want.  And right now I see that as being a real possibility.  I know that my list of all those other tasks that today did not accommodate has even gotten bigger and I hardly brushed at it today.  But I haven't forgotten it.  Who knows, maybe tomorrow or sometime later this week I  might actually do something about it.  For right now I will take today and settle and look to tomorrow to be another opportunity for me to screw it up!

I'm trying to think of something clever to write, but all I can think of is how tired I am.  I have been sitting upstairs with my wife and we have had a nice conversation, but we both  have found ourselves yawning and getting quiet in between thoughts.  We spent our evening and Sharon and Johnny's and just sitting and talking I find to be an energy draining activity.  For that matter Sunday is an energy draining activity.  Maybe it just my age that makes anything an energy draining activity.  Robert teased me about staying up 'late' last night to wait until Sheila got home from baby sitting the Terry grand children.  But I am glad that I did.  She told me a story about what happened when she put Aaron to bed that was precious and worth any sleep that it cost me.  Seems she tucked him into bed and he asked her about his 'bear'.  She looked around but didn't see one so she just tucked him in and tried to leave.  He asked again about his 'bear' which she was unable to find.  He persisted and she finally understood him to be asking about his 'prayer.  So she helped him say his pray which only he was able to understand and she thought that now he would be ready for bed.  But then he asked about his 'song'.  She learned that 'old macdonald' was the required routine, but he only sings the verse about a 'cow' over and over and over.  She found the 'bear' routine with Abby and Ashley as well.  Nice to know how Shauni and Jeff are teaching our grandchildren. 

Here I am alone again.  My wife is always doing something good for someone and tonight it is Shauni.  Our youngest daughter is attending her 10th high school reunion and her mother is making that possible.  Here I am approaching my 50th reunion in 2 years.  10 seems right for our youngest, but that still makes me feel my age.  I really hope that Shauni enjoys her evening.  I know that high school reunions can wrenching good or wrenching bad.  Here's hoping that her's is good.  I will probably be awake when Sheila gets back home, but I should be done down here and chilling upstairs.  I have been some what successful in my Saturday.  I got enough work done and had enough success that way to make it good.  I have also had a subject that I got this morning that I have had 'fingered' all day and plan to keep in my head.  I just read that Shelli ended up staying home while the boys went to the arena football game downtown.  I wish that she were recovering quicker, but I am confident it will happen.  I read something in my scripture reading this morning about teaching our children to love and serve one another.  I saw that as them getting along as siblings and I am so thrilled to see how they do care for each other.  They are just good people It is a good thing that they take after their mother!

Several factors are coming together to make me feel a bit like a zombie.  You know, like I am 1/2 alive and just waiting for the day to end.  One, I ate too much when we went to dinner.  It is Friday night and my work week isn't calling out to me.  It might tomorrow for just a little while, but for now -no.  I am in limbo because Richard hasn't shown up so I can see how my day went or what my day tomorrow will be like.  (He might not be here until tomorrow.)  I am here all alone because Sheila went to Co Co's dance recital.  Al pretty busy week has taken my energy and I need a couple of week end days to recharge.  As much relief as I feel with the week being over I feel that much pressure because of all that I will have to do and even more because of all that I haven't gotten done that I need to some how address when I have an extra minute to share.  I am looking forward to sleeping well, but I probably won't because of my over full belly.  That was the case last night because of the meal at the Primary dinner/party/lecture/get-together.  I am looking forward to not working and I am looking forward to working.  I can't seem to set my mind on just one.  I guess that I just need a break.  I need some time off.  I need to sleep well.  I need to sleep in (like until 8 or 8:30!)  And I need to get out of the office and upstairs to sit in my chair.  And I need my wife to come home and be with me.

I am entertaining this big idea about reorganizing my office.  So far all I have done it think it, and I have found that quite difficult.  I have talked with Sheila about it and today I told her about one thing that really needs to get done before I actually start, and all of a sudden she has made a call and someone is coming in the morning to check out how that problem can be solved.  I would probably be better off it I could get her to do the whole project.  But I have this vision in my head or at least I am working on getting this vision in my head and it will come because I know my work and how a new office set up will help me do my work.  I see that every few years I have gotten this bug about redoing my office.  I do have it pretty well organized to fit my needs, but I really do want a new look.  So together we hope to come up with a good idea and also get rid of the broken treadmill and the water damaged book cases.  Don't have any money and need outside muscle for some of it.  But I must come up with the plan first.  That is proving to be harder then I thought.  But it isn't any more overwhelming then every thing else about my life.  I seem to be wading in deep water everywhere.  But so far a new day brings a new outlook and I am getting ready to have a new one again when I wake up in the morning.  (I hope that Shelli is feeling better as well when this new day dawns!)

I was here all day.  Sheila had gone up to Kaysville last night to help the Rosbach family due to Shelli's surgery today.  She made it home tonight around 7.  I did take a few rest breaks throughout the day, but I figure that I got quite a bit done.  When I have a day that is different like when 'she' is not here I go into a bit of a trance.  I kind of turn into a ball and just keep on working and resting and working and resting. I am glad that this time was only a day instead of a week like it was last time.  I am also glad that Shelli seems to be recovering even though  she still has pain.  I don't know how they'll deal with kidney stone # 2.  It'd sure be nice if it just passed on through without any further pain and trouble.  Can I get an amen?!

 

I chose not to shower and we ended up not going to Cicily's birthday party.  I hope she will forgive us.  It just didn't work out as I would have liked for it to.  But I guess Kidney Stones always mess with folks when they show up, and have been bigger bothers then they were here, but enough to throw us off of our day.  But is still came and has now pretty much gone.  

 

Today I wrote:  "The mind is capable of creating much more then any single day can accommodate."  That is my new and present thought to live by.

I didn't see it coming, but I am here all by myself tonight.  Shelli is going under the knife tomorrow to get her kidney stone removed and so her mother has been recruited to be there tonight and then tomorrow to spell her at home.  I can't complain, because that makes me a good guy too because I do so she can do and even though her 'do' is the real 'do' I guess that I get some credit too.  I did have such plans because today was her last day on the job.  I was going to put her right to work, but the spelling Shelli job actually started today at 1 when Shelli had a doctor's appointment uptown.  So I had opportunity myself and I actually fed Colton until he decided that he would rather wink at me and that he was finished eating.  I wouldn't have made a very good mother, but then I didn't have to because that was what Sheila was.  I tried to make today productive and I did do okay.  But habits are really hard to break.  I guess that's why they call them habits.  I am trying to take another motto or theme and use it to guide me.  I am using r.i.t.e.  (return investment on time and energy). That means that I am trying to do the 'rite' thing in my choices throughout the day.  Making better choices is always a good thing to strive for.  So now I try to evaluate them as to how much and what kind of a return I can expect from the time and energy I put out.  Seems so simple, but it is harder then I thought it would be.  I am pretty attached to some time wasting activities so I have to be real creative and using them better or rationalizing my choices better.  Hopefully I can be honest enough with myself and actually use my time better and make choices that really return something good for the time and energy put out.  It feels like a good and right thing to do so maybe this will be for me as successful as my p.u.s.h. u.p.s have been now in the 54th month. 

Sometimes a work day is more relaxing then a 'play' day is.  Today I was able to back off a little and work my way on and off through the hours.  I never did feel fully energized though but that was because of three 'play' days in a row that I spend more time working at not working which spent my energy into the future.  I mean that I borrowed from my nights to make it through my days and finally today I was able to start catching up by working 'gently'.  And my work cooperated quite nicely not being too pressing today, but giving me more to do for tomorrow.  I would have liked to have done more, but then I really needed to catch up energy-wise and I did make some progress in that regard.  Sheila has only one more day of work.  I am looking forward to her being here, but I can't expect her to totally turn to my aid.  But I hope for some.  

 

Shelli made it home from the hospital around 2:30 am!  Seems she has a couple of kidney stones.  It has been a real painful time for her, but hopefully the worst is now behind her.  Still needs attention, but recovery is eminent (we all hope).  

 

Sharon is make to reality and moving forward in her new adventure.  It isn't a fairy tale, but hopefully we will all live happily forever after.  

 

The pictures I just say on Cic's blog of Co Co were spectacular!

This makes 3 nights in a row that I have found myself dragging at the end of my day, and getting to bed much later then is good for me.  I sort of caught up last night, but I spent it all tonight with a rambunctious family home evening that including visitors (Bob Huch and family) and sending one of our own off to the hospital (Shelli).  The Porters ended up with 4 extra (3 more then legally allowed) and our house finally got quiet after 10:30.  I have loads of work for morning, but I don't even want to think about it right now.  I just want to get my old and tired body into bed and hope that whatever sleep that I can get will be enough and that the coming days will do right by  me.  My cough is still here and my throat is quite rough with all of the talking that I did tonight what with our family visitors and all.  I'd feel sorry for myself, but then Shelli would simply remind me of her night and I'd have to take it back.  We were only 2/3 but it still made for a full evening and a crowded house.  But oh they all get along so well that it is enough to make a hard, old grand pa like me soft and tended hearted.  And my Sunday wasn't all that bad anyway. All of this just made it more so.  Even helping Phil give Shelli a blessing added to the moment despite my empathy for her pain and discomfort.  It all simply makes me want to be better for them.  They deserve so much more from me and it is my dream that somehow and some way I can one day become the kind of person that they deserve.  At least that is my dream!

After reading what I wrote last night (this morning!) Sheila said that now I needed to write more specifically about last night.  We did talk about it a lot today and I have thought about it, but mostly I have been just recuperating.  Even though we wanted to take it easy today we both had some stuff that we needed to get done.  I had some office work and Sheila had grocery shopping and a baptism to attend and we decided that in the spirit of recuperation she would not have to fix dinner so we went to Chin Wai's for dinner.  I have been trying to rest throughout the day, but now I have decided that I need to get serious about it and go to bed early.  It feels so inviting because as of yesterday I have had the air conditioner on so I look forward to a nice cool room and comfortable sleep conditions.  I just went outside to clean out the skimmer and even that felt uncomfortable warm to me.  I know that I will be abandoning my wife, but she is pretty much used to that.  I also have had a bit of a cough the past several days so that makes more sleep that much more advisable.  Today has actually been somewhat productive office work-wise even though most of my time was spent not working.  I figure that I am about 1/2 way back to normal, but I am in need of more.  Tomorrow will be another full day, but a memory maker nonetheless.  And sometime soon I will have digested all of what went down last night and be able to write more specifically about it.  One thing still remains and that is the warm memory of that event and the bright hope of what lies ahead for all of us.  This forever family is actually happening and it is really quite wonderful!

It may be late, but I am counting this for last night (only about 9 hours ago).  I felt so drained (and yet full) when we got home that I had to crash first and live later.  Even now my mind is so full of stuff that is waiting for evaluation, sorting, and filing that I feel like I am operating on overload.  It was really the whole day that was involved, but mostly from around 5 to after 10.  That was the event!  The wedding and party for Sharon and Johnny et al!!!  As I said, I am still sorting all of the thoughts, sensations and events of the evening.  I have this feeling inside of me that I am trying to understand, but mostly I am just trying to enjoy.  It is teaching me something.  The first things that I notice is just how subtle it is.  So, I thing 'small', but it isn't 'small'.  'Subtle' is really the right word if I understand the definition correctly. So, so subtle and yet so solid, large and powerful.  It goes with all of the thoughts, sensations and memories from last night.  I see it as something that will take a while to properly 'sort and file'.  It has to do with Sharon, all of the wonderful other family members who were there and Jeremy!  (surprise, surprise!)  Please excuse that I am not going in to a lot of detail yet.  It is such a powerful experience that it going to take me some time to really articulate even to me what all has happened.  I hope that perhaps all of you who were there will understand what I am writing and feeling and thinking about and in the end of the pondering make it as powerful a part of you and your memories as I see happening with me.  Time to reflect I am allowed, but not rest for the weary as time keeps marching on and new memories are being made everyday.  But last night, well, that is one of the real keepers!