I'm trying to finish the day strong.  The whole day wasn't particularly strong.  Sheila called it a 'recovery day'  and later said that it was ore of a recovery day for me then for her.  I call it a day of transition, but whatever it is called it could have been better then it was.  But I did several things to fill the evening with production that helped change it around for me.  I took 'the knife' back.  I got gas in the car.  Sheila and I went to Robert's 30th birthday party.  And even though I came home feeling drained enough that I was going to pass on my 55 after sitting for an hour or so I am determined to get my 55 when I go up.  I am also going to have a bottle of cold Mt. Olympus water as I do my day's end routine.  Things seem to be set up for me to be productive tomorrow.  Can't have the whole day to myself though.  We have an appointment at 8 for Nicholas' setting apart.  I don't know why I fight the things that I really want to do, but sometimes I am a lazy bum and just have to chose to do what I know that I ought to do.  The sad part is that it doesn't always work out that way.  I am a flawed human being, but I have made progress, and I can truthfully say that God isn't done with me yet!

Monday morning for Sunday night:  When we got home last night I didn't even come downstairs.  I had been very wonderfully drained of my energy through the activities of the day, and got ready for bed.  We had driven home from South Ogden with Zac and Aaron and were entertained with constant talk from these 2 young men.  It was most entertaining.  The whole day had been entertaining, but oh, so much more. It was family togetherness at its finest and for one of the finest of reasons.  I learned just how many others share with us in this privilege of  sending Nicholas off on his mission.  We played a part, but there are so many others.  I learned a little more about 'block b'.  It is such a wonderful and inclusive process that we are in.  I hope this helps me do my part more and better.  (First I need to understand it more and better.)  The day was another 'great giver'.  Makes me want to be a better person.  And the long repeated goodbyes with Abigail still tugs on my heart strings.  And another of my special moments repeated several times throughout the day was watching my wonderful wife enjoy grandma time with those little ones competing for her attention.  She is so special and the evidence was abundant at the job she has done in her most important roles of mother and grandmother.  What a companion and what a day!

You'd think that doing less all day long would save energy.  But it seems that time spends it whether you work hard or not.  The amount of work that I could have done today wasn't the key.  That was how much work I could get by without doing. So I spent my time on less productive activities like sitting, eating and watching tv.  Now I am as tired as if I had done lots of hard work and I find that I would rather start my go to bed routine as opposed to stay up late just because I can sleep in tomorrow.  I got the minimum done as I don't feel too badly about not working harder.  In comparison with Sheila I do feel badly because she had to tend 3 grand kids today and tonight she is engaged in making salads for the get together tomorrow.  She wasn't able to get off to the store until after 5:30.  Hopefully she won't have to stay up too late to get her work finished. Me, I'll probably be asleep be asleep when she comes to bed, which I usually am anyway. There is some good about not doing much in a day, and there is some that I do not like.  I expect more of myself, but I'm am quite used to my inadequate out put.  Not necessarily pleased, but used to it.  I'd like to end with something cleaver, but I don't feel very clever right now.  Just grateful and disappointed in how I show it.

All of a sudden my throat is feeling a little tender.  I did take that emergen-c last night and there wasn't a problem until now.  I guess I need to take it again.  I surely don't want to come down with anything, especially now that the weekend is upon us.  Tomorrow there isn't anything particular on, but Sunday is Nicholas' farewell and a family gathering.  Can't miss that.  We had a smaller family gathering at Chic-fil-a for dinner with Lucas and the twins.  The playground was the best part for them.  I was a patient grand pa and they were able to play for about an hour.  I came home with work to do, but little energy and less desire.  I did do some, but I left most of it for tomorrow.  Didn't have a whole lot of time with Sheilas today, but we grabbed a few minutes to just sit and talk while the kids jumped on and off of the bed.  I hope that they are asleep, but I won't know for sure until I go up in just a moment.  I need to do the skimmer and then my pre-retire ritual.  Last night I was too drained to do my 55, but I did do them this morning.  I feel like I'll have enough to do them tonight and then I have some thought to ponder.  One of which comes from something I say on tv last night where a preacher said:  "I don't know if there is a God.  I chose to believe that there is, but no one can know".  I have been thinking all day about how I am grateful that I do 'know' and how those that I rely on and associate with 'know' too.

Thank you Shelli for your comment and your memories.  Right now it is like we are living in a different world, and it takes some effort to think back to our other life and pull out memories of things, events and people.  It seems to take all of our energy to just make it through the day and there is no time to think.  But that other life is real, but distant, enough so that it doesn't come up much.  Right now I feel like I could fall asleep sitting here.  But usually I get a little spark of energy when I go upstairs and settle down and read my scriptures and relax and start to just think.  Those are good moments for me and quite essential to my good mental health.

 

Speaking of health I am afraid that I have a bit of a cold lurking inside of me.  I hope not, but it happens to me now and then.  If it does come it would be just when my week is really starting to go well for me.  But then I'm used to that too.  Life continues to surprise me.  And yet, it doesn't surprise me.  I have pretty much seen it all.  But there is certainly a lot left for me to learn and to do and hopefully for me to become.  It's as if I am finally coming to understand it all.  Then I realize that I understand nothing.  Maybe the truth of it all is that I do understand but the biggest thing that I understand is that I don't understand.  Understand?! 

I started this a few minutes ago and then I pushed the wrong button or something a it was gone.  I tried to recover, but no it wouldn't work.  Goes to show that I am really not as good at this tech stuff as I thought I was.  But starting over is not such a bad thing.  I wish that I could start over in a lot of things.  But I have grown accustomed to being error prone.  Maybe too much so, but when you've gone almost 66 years without a perfect day you start to see your life differently.  I can only hope that 'perfection' is possible somewhere in my future.  But for now I am trying for that 'serenity' that the 'serenity prayer' describes.  You know:  'God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change; the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference'.  I don't have all of any of those 3, but I believe that I do have some of all of them.  So knowing that I have such a long way to go all I can do is continue in diligence.  Isn't that all that we can ask of ourselves?  And I know that the other 1/2 of the battle is to not get down about that reality.  That would be so easy to do, but is the last thing that I can do.  So bring on Thursday and I'll just try to take it on and get something out of it, something good, that is.

Let's see.  Tuesday the 24th of July.  A holiday here in Utah.  But not a holiday for the country.  So Utah things are closed, but some Federal things (like the post office) is not closed.  And because lots of things are not closed almost all service businesses are opened too.  In a way I'm starting to like it more because it gives me the best of both worlds.  I get to take off of work, yet I still get mail and particularly today the shop was opened to get the car fixed and the car rental place was opened to get a car while the car was being fixed.  That brought good news and bad news.  Good news was that the car got fixed in just a few hours (we were expecting major damage automovitely speaking as well as what it would cost.)  ( we were touched lightly on both counts.  Bad news was that after turning back the car after only a few  hours and 33 miles it still cost us the full days rental.   Boo!   So to compensate I took Shelia to the Texas Roadhouse for dinner(late lunch).  And there I had was of my best steak experiences ever.  I told Sheila that it was a time when the taste that I had in my mind before and what I got there was exactly spot on.  I don't remember that ever happening before.  After that It was holiday  just hang out at home time for the rest of this holiday.  Could the day have been better?  Probably. Will I settle for it as it was?  Definitely.  And as the fireworks have started going off in the neighborhood I am ready to end a day that has been actually quite refreshing and as long as it would have happened not matter how we did it it is good that it happened the way that it did.

This is not a good time for us to have our car fall apart.  But it doesn't seem to care about the timing.  It just seems to  have decided to do the falling.  Sheila said that the check engine light was all all the way home from Ashley's birthday party, and then again later when she went to do some errands.  Like I said, this is a really bad time for us to have that happen.  I do not know what we will do.  Course, we need to find out exactly what is going on, but I don't believe that it is anything good.  We do see times ahead when our situation might be better, but right now it just isn't.

 

Tomorrow is another holiday. This one is the state 24th holiday where everything doesn't shut down like on a Federal holiday.  But the courts and the banks and the offices will be closed.  My work will be pretty much shut down too, but there is a chance that it might be normal then I think. I have had a couple of my guys say that they want to work.  Whether it will be productive is another story, but I sure do have the work for them if the want.  As for me, I will put some time in.  It'll will be a really time for me to do some more catching up.  I did make some headway today, but another day without the pressure of a 'normal' work day might be a big help.  We also want to do something 'holiday-ish' together.  But so far we haven't been able to think of anything and we also are leery of the car and how it could prevent us from that.  So right now our Tuesday the 24th of July is really up in the air.  But at least we won't have to wait too long for it is just hours away

I have stayed up past my bedtime.  But Sheila has been complaining about the fact that all of the murder mystery shows that she has watched lately have been 2 parters.  She has watched part 1 and ends up not seeing the conclusion when it comes on.  So we started a British murder mystery tonight and kept expecting it to end near 10 with a 'to be  continued' but it didn't.  It actually went until 10:30 and we found out who the murderer was.  Then I made the mistake of showing her the blogs and she said that she hadn't seen them so I had to move and let her go through Shelli's and Cicily's and catch up on things.  Then I helped her catch up on facebook.  So now I am still here and won't get to bed for awhile.  Course my morning isn't too demanding but her's is as she is going down to help with Ashley's birthday party in the morning!

 

Me, I'll just work here all day and try to figure out what we will do on Tuesday the 24th.  She said that we ought to plan something really exciting, but we probably won't.  After all, I am boring because I get that from Shelli. (see comment on yesterday's entry). After reading Shelli's blogs I find it hard to believe her because with what she does for those boys of her's I call her anything but boring.  All of you make me wonder if we were ever as good of parents as you-all are. You are always busy doing things with and for your kids.   Did we ever do anything fun with you?

My blood pressure monitor was giving me a flashing thing that I did not recognize.  So I checked the literature that came with the unit and found out that my batteries are low.  I felt like that for myself this evening as well, but I don't have any kind of instructions to tell me how I change the battery on my body.  I guess the only cure is to go to bed early and sleep in late.  Today is the perfect time for that so that is just what I am going to do.  Actually, it wasn't just my 'battery'.  It felt more was involved then just energy.  Quite suddenly I didn't feel too well and didn't feel like doing anything. 
But I forced myself over to the church and I forced myself here and I am planning on forcing myself through my 55 push up in a little while.  I neeed to do that.  It is crucial to me that I make it through.  Last night I about didn't and the last one was sooo hard.  Someone talked to Sheila a couple of  hours ago and reminded us that tonight

is a Draper Days deal going on.  We had no plans about anything like that.  We are so boring.  'I' am so boring.  I thought about how many people would go broke if everybody were just like me.  It would set the economy back centuries!!  But I am what I am and I'll just keep on trying to do better, and maybe someday I'll figure it all out.

It's almost a week and I am still paying for the bad decision to not let Sheila put sunscreen on me up at Bear Lake.  She tells me that my medication causes me to burn easier and I know that my age also has something to do with the slow healing thing.  It has mostly stopped burning, but it does itch more now.  The color has also changed to kind of a deep shade of red but shows little sign that it has done much fading.  One day I may learn to listen more to my wife, but you's think that I would be better at in now.  

 

I am feeling my normal Friday night fatigue.  And this time I am looking at a Saturday that is full to overflowing with work.  There is so  much for me to do that I am not sure that I can get it all done tomorrow.  That was the case today too.  I did do lots, but there is only so much time in a day (1440 minutes!) and I can only do so much.   I'd like to be able to declare that I am getting better at not being overwhelmed with it all.  But I fear that I am not.  Both time and energy challenge me.  At the fact that I 'persist in doing' doesn't seem to make the days any longer or me any less tired.  But I am getting some better at accepting the new (old) me.  Even 'working smarter' doesn't always help because there is simply too much to do.  At least Saturday comes with less pressure then the 5 work week days.  I am interested to see how well I will be able to fill it.

 

 

I feel much, much better about today.  Yesterday was a little less satisfying for me.  But today I was able to do all the things that make for a complete day for me.  I started off with a thought from my scripture reading that was even nicer because it was from Section 54 of the D & C and it was actually directed to my great-great-great-great grandfather:  Newell Knight.  I added to it to read:  Today seek ye a living like unto men and live a life like unto God. I have learned that these thought are personal and hardly mean anything to some one else.  But for me it was timely and instructive.  Anyway, that started my day which was then very good as to work and I got a lot done.  I even made it through 60 minutes of exercise on my bike tonight.  And I did not forget to take my blood pressure!  Last night I wrote about 1440 minutes.  I figure 540 or nine hours for sleep and such stuff which leaves 900 minutes to fill with good stuff.  And today I did that much better then I did yesterday.  That will be my new goal:  900 good minutes to seek a living like unto men and to try to live like unto God.  I hope I can do as well tomorrow as I did today.

 

A day can last a long time.  24 hours times 60 minutes equals 1440 minutes.  That's a lot of opportunity to do or be or act or mess up.  And on any given day I do a lot of all of those.  I did something this morning that I haven't done in about 10 days:  shave. Now, I really don't like to shave.  I acknowledge that I need to, but it is such a hassle.  And just as I have never had a perfect day, I have never had a perfect shave.  I have had a few really bad ones that drew blood, but usually they are okay.  But it doesn't take long to be back where I was.  Over this past vacation week end Nicholas (Elder Porter) got kidded some because it took near a week for him to grow a little stubble.  I told him, and I repeat:  enjoy it while you can because it becomes a chore soon enough.  Anyway, I got up early to shave because it can get uncomfortable and it had for me.  I didn't want it to take up good work time so I got up early and still got into the office before 7:30 am.  My day was as busy as I figured, but was made better when I found both Cicily and Shelli had posted several pictures and narratives about our family outing.  I hope that you-all take opportunity to see and read what is there.  It really did keep on giving for me.  There is one thing that seems to come with my age and experience that bothers me.  Seems like the amount of time I can gloat or enjoy something I have done gets shorter and shorter.  I can't seem to pause and appreciate anything for but a very brief second.  The family trip is an exception because it does indeed keep on giving.  But my normal day's work doesn't resonate much at all.  I move on way too fast and look to what ever will come next.  Even now I am thinking about my night's meditation moment and my mornings work.  I guess that is a good thing though.  Living in the past does have a part to play, but it is for me a very quick part.  (Exception being some special family stuff that is always there to be remembered and appreciated.)

Well, I really got back into it today.  I don't remember working this long and hard for a long time.  I didn't take time to eat until after noon and then I just snacked while I kept working.  I didn't stop until 5:30 when I finally turned on the tv and watched while I ate my dinner that Sheila prepared.  Then we took Sharon's car back to her (no one was home) and I came back and did some more work until 9 when I finally shut down and watched an hour of tv before going over to the church.  I am still waiting for someone to post some pictures from our weekend at Bear Lake, but so far all I see is Shelli's 4th of July entry and Cicily's volcano of a diaper that has been haunting me for way too long.  As busy as I was today I really didn't get to anything else.  I did help Sheila cross off one task from her list, but my list was all work.  But that is a good thing.  It felt really good to be that productive, yet I find that the dent is not that big.  I still have so much more to do tomorrow.  And its not all because of the day's off.  It is just a time when work is up and that I can never be down on.  I will try to put my mind in another place for the next9 hours or so.  As big a deal as work is I really don't define myself by it.  I'm not quite sure just how I do define myself, but I hope that it has more to do with this past weekend then this past day!

It's actually Monday night.  That means that I haven't written for since last Wednesday.  I looked at both Shelli's and Cicily's blogs to see if they had posted anything yet about our family adventure.  But they had not.  So I am left to myself for now.  I know that there were pictures taken that I expect to see posted in the near future, but my memory will have to serve me right now.  Earlier today I talk Sheila that I had named the vacation the 'great giver'.  I meant that anytime I thought about it (and there are virtually 1,000's of things to think about) that it gives me positive pay back feelings.  It was such an awesome experience for me in so, so many ways.  Of course getting back to reality today was necessary, but it is easy to slip in a quick moment of reflection and feel that good feeling over again.  My 55 push ups this morning were even tolerable (barely) and I hope to get back to my routine, but not lose the memories that are still giving to me.  They really are flooding through my mind, but the pictures will make it easier for me to relive them when they finally get posted.  My sunburn is still uncomfortable.  Sheila still reminds me that it was a dumb decision to allow that to happen.  She was right:  I do that every time.  You'd think I'd know better.  (And I do, I just keep thinking that I can outsmart the sun!)

It is really amazing to me to realize that today is the 16th of July.  Two weeks down and only two weeks to go.  So much to day and setting it aside for 3 days (Thursday, Friday and Saturday) didn't make it any easier.  But worth it it was (and is) and now I can move ahead having lived something that has to be about the best 'great giver' that I have ever had.      More to come.

This may be my last entry until Sunday night.  We are leaving in the morning to go up to Bear Lake and I am not sure of the availability of the internet or such things.  I will take a notebook, but I may just exercise my 'executive privilege' and drop out of the world for that time.  I am little skiddish about how I will do, but I am ready to give it a go.  These last couple of days I have been extra tired so this may be just what I need or it just may put me in the hospital!  (At least I will be with people that love me!)  We've put in some time today and are ready to finish off our preparations in the  morning and get away relatively early (I'm shooting for around 9.)  We'll have to see how that works.  We will be driving 'Linzi's' vehicle.  And I believe that I know where I am going.  We're bound to forget something.  Hopefully it will be just forgetting life down here for 3 days and nothing that is crucial.  This is actually quite hard for me.  I am so used to my work routine and pressure I'm sure I can adjust appropriately.  But I am willing to give it a try.  After all, this is the real thing and the other is just necessary. 

This installment was stalled for several hours while I recuperated from my Tuesday.  We got home after 10 and I was really tired so I left the office after a quick look at what was there for me for today and then I went up to go to bed.  My decision was reconfirmed when I did my push ups.  Oh! What a struggle I had.  I find it hard to understand.  It is never really 'easy', but usually it is certainly easier then it was last night.  It was that wall that I hit when I reached 50 and the last 5 were terribly hard.  My experience has shown me that after sleeping I do it easier, but even this morning it challenged me more then I anticipated.  It is always different and it surprises me to not know what I think I should know (why).  But that goes for a lot of other things too.  My blood #'s and my bp #'s I can never figure out.  Oh, well. At least it is not boring.  

So, there is a lot on my plate today.  I have hopes of being ready to vacation tomorrow, but that mountain seems so big.  I'll just get into it and work my way through the day and see what happens.  Seems worthwhile to work for.  I am referring to 'you-all' and our chance to spend some time with you.  Here's to Bear Lake!!!

I have been so tired today.  It was unusual for me to be this tired even for a Monday.  Early on I figured that it was just transition, but later I thought that grandpa duties finished me off.  We went down to Shauni and Jeff's for Aaron's birthday because we have somthing else going on tomorrow night.  And I actually read a book to Abigail and tucked Ashley in to bed before we left.  Grandma tucked Aaron in and sang him a song. Everything together has really tired me out.  And now I have even more to do tomorrow.  But, I am thinking a lot about this few days away this week with the family at Bear Lake.  The trip is starting to shape up well and I am committing myself more then I had thought.  I do worry that I won't be able to endure it all as I have started to feel my age more now then ever before.  But my desires still 'run faster' then my feet.  So we will just see how well I can do.

There is so much that I could worry about.  However, I chose not to.  Sounds simple, but it really isn't.  It does work on my mind.  I hope I am not making a mistake by trying to be carefree.  But for right now it will have to be a mental struggle because my body is too tired to get after anything except a night's sleep.

I figure I will just about get back to normal when it will be time to go off again.  I am not yet decided about how this coming week will go, but I want to make it work out for us to go to Bear Lake and be with the family.  I'm not as sure about boating or tubing or even getting in the water, but I want to be there with the family.  It is hard for me to pull myself away from the office and work, but I will somehow and in some way.  Right now I am still recovering, but I figure that the lactic acid is no longer a problem.  Perhaps my biggest problem is the transition back to work that I will undertake tomorrow morning.  And then after only 3 days I figure to be on 'vacation' again.  Not such a bad life if I can pull it off.  I have only seen stuff from Cicily and figure that Shelli will mention Friday night when she writes next, but I wonder and hope that the others had a good time too.  Thanks to Johnny and Sharon for the invite and thanks to the family for what fun folks they are.  They made it possible and fun for this old guy to pretend to be young again for a little while and even though it was a stretch (literally and symbolically) it was worth it to me because of my family!

A flip off of the board!  Don't I wish.  Cicily must have been blinded by my suntan when I did go off the diving board.  But thank you for noticing all of the other athletic things that I did.  And I would have really liked to have gotten you in to the pool with the rest of us.  Those grand kids of ours are absolutely fearless.  Sheila and I were amazed by all of them.  Logan is great at almost somersaults that ended with him landing flat on his back all night long. (didn't seem to bother him though) Hunter, Chase and Lucas and Kaleb are all tadpoles along with Aaron and Katlin and Spencer and Brooklyn.  And then there is Colton.  What a kid!  He tired me out just watching him let alone throwing him, and he kept coming back for more.  I am still recovering.  And Sheila said that I was funny after she read my entry from last night and I added that swimming had done something strange to my hair.  My Saturday has been different because of last night.  Different in 2 ways:  one, I am still recovering and in need of rest and relaxation.  two, I am still reliving and enjoying the evening.  Fun, real fun, gives as much after as it did at the time.  And last night is still giving.  (lactic acid and all!)

Last night I invoked 'executive privilege' again.  I was in a state that I can truly say that I have never experienced before.  And this morning when I finally rolled out of bed at 8:14 my body confirmed my decision!  How can I make you understand how I feel?  Its like I am wearing a hot and uncomfortable layer of clothing underneath my skin.  I have had sore muscles before, but never has it been quite so generously consistent!  My back, my shoulders, my arms, my hands, my neck; yes every muscle was worked last night in the service of my wife and our grand kids. And I feel quite wonderful about it all.  Before I started this I did check Cicily's blog to see if she had possibly posted photographic evidence of our adventure, but nothing yet.  Some of you may need to see that to believe it, but not me:  I have hundreds of witnesses screaming out affirmation of the fact that 'grumpa went swimming!!' Happy birthday Johnny and good wishes to me and my body as I recover!  Hopefully the evidence will come and illustrate the adventure and prove the necessity of my 'executive privilege'!

That day off yesterday really threw me off.  I got through today as if in some sort of a trance.  I didn't seem to realize that it was Thursday.  It almost seemed like a Monday or a Tuesday.  I took every excuse to not work which I was able to get away with after working through the morning.  Then after 5 it hit and now I really have to get serious tomorrow.  It was weird.  Funny thing though. It was as though the phone kept ringing as if to make up for that day off.  I almost got irritated until I stopped to think that that is what I do and the phone is just a necessary part of it all.  I took a lot ot time to fast forward through my 7 hours cd of The Count of Monte 

Cristo  that French version of mine.  Because I did that I just had to do an hour work out on my bike.  Otherwise the day would have been a total waste.  So now Friday is upon me.  The holiday in the middle has taken its toll.  And I just have to accept the week as it is and do what I can to end it well tomorrow.  It is what it is and if I don't do better tomorrow I will only have myself to blame!

So, I actually did what I said that I would do.  Or I could say that I didn't do what I said that I wouldn't do.  Today was all holiday and absolutely no work.  Didn't even pick up a pen or a piece of paper or use the computer for anything work related.  I did get Robert to work on it for me to try to defrag and clean it up in hopes that it will be faster and cleaner then it has been lately.  I guess that I'll see that tomorrow when I use it again for work.  So it will have had more then just a day without work.  It has had a makeover.  Me, breakfast, movies and our hamburger for a late dinner.  I was just sitting there watching the motab choir on tv and not wanting to move of do anything to hurry the end of my day.  But now I have and by typing this I have forced myself to end the day.  But I will chill and spend time just in review and let tomorrow come when it will and not hurry it at all.  Neighbors all around are letting off fireworks, but I'll try to ignore them and just settle into my nighttime routine.  As I think about it I can't remember having a day like today ever before.  It is a 1st time for me.  It felt so good.  I hope to be able to do it again and know that other scenarios will be just as satisfying if not more.  More, is hard to imagine so for now I'll just enjoy this one.  It's been a long time coming and looks to keep on giving a lot too.

We got an early start on our holiday tomorrow.  I took Sheila to the Texas Roadhouse for a late lunch or an early dinner depending on how you figure and then we came home and started watching the movies that we got for tomorrow.  We watched 2 and now its time to have a holiday sleep.  (that means that we get to sleep in!)  We expect Cicily and the kids to join us for the 4th of July breakfast over at our ward pavilion long about 8:30--9.  Robert has to work.  After that we will just be back here to watch the other 4 movies and hang out.  I did tell her that I would take her out to eat again.  But really all that I need to do is get her a hamburger (that's what she wants!!)  But I am thinking more sit down if I still feel that way.  Either way I don't see any work at all.  That is a surprise to me, but that is the way that it looks.  I'm actually going to just take the day off and spend it all with just me and my wife.  (except for that breakfast and a couple of hours that Sheila promised to Robert at 3 so he and Cicily could go to a movie.)  (I had to approve the movie first and I guess Spider Man will be okay for them to go see.)

 

I don't remember when I had a holiday that I didn't do any work at all.  I wonder if I can actually pull that off.

I continue to find that I am my own worst enemy.  Sure, I can think of a lot of things to blame on others or circumstances or life, but mostly I am responsibility for my own life.  So if I sleep my way through the day it is mostly my own fault.  And if I fail to do all that I can do it is my fault.  So my day returns to me what I give it.  Yet I find that I still end up ahead because there are good things that touch me even when I don't actually receive them.  They just happen and I have learned to be thankful that it isn't an exact quid pro quo in my life.  I am smart enough to know the source of it all and I do express my gratitude not only to Him but to others, especially my wife that this phenomenon exists.  I am so far behind that if it were a financial thing I'd have declared bankruptcy long ago.  But it is just the way that it is in life.  All of us get much, much more then we give.  And I am no exception.  And right now I see it and can only weakly try to move forward and pay back.  I know that that is impossible, but I need to do more and better.  I just need to.  Maybe tomorrow I can and will.

This is my Sunday night entry.  I exercised a little executive privilege last night and after winding down I decided that I would put off my writing and my push ups due to lack of energy and a full heart. We both just sat there too tired to move, but expressing really positive feelings over our day and our family home evening.  It had been a wonderfully loud, hectic busy and satisfying time.  It brought some quite powerful and positive thoughts and feelings to come to me in the current discussion that I am having with myself in my own 'personal worship' and did strongly reinforce the idea of forever families in a most provocative way.  I know that Sheila is also very pleased at the service done to us by the kids and Johnny's trailer which left our garage more accessible.  We do thank you-all.

 

Now I am back to my real world and aware of 'it'.  Yesterday not only makes this real world tolerable, but worthwhile.  Even it all it does is get me back every once in a while to that other world of yesterday it would be worth it.  But I am learning how to connect the two.  And that makes every day a wonderful opportunity.  My problem is that I don't do it well enough.  But I am working on that.