What is wrong with me?  It has been way too long since I last wrote and I have no excuse.  I just could not (did not) actually do it.  I have been out of sorts in other ways too.  But in all of my pondering I haven't yet figured out what my problem is.  There has been lots to write about like Cortney's double-double and our family temple outing and me finishing my book and deciding to read it through a second time.  My Sunday wasn't bad, but kind of a microcosm of this thing going on inside of me.  Lots of questions and few real answers.  I did realize, however, that I tend to ignore some answers when they come.  I have to take that into account in my deliberations.  Then Monday was special in so many ways, but worrisome to me as to how I may be perceived.  This family of ours did come through for Sheila and worked long and hard to transform her room.  It isn't finished yet, but well on the way.  And there I was just trying to stay out of the way.  I know that I don't think often of my 'disability' from my stroke of 02-02-02, but yesterday it was always on my mind.  The particular tasks that the family used in that project used the particular skills that I do not have because of that stroke.  I felt useless, and worse, I felt like some or all would think I was just being lazy.  That, coupled with the other struggle going on inside of me made for a rather 'down' day in the midst of a very 'up' day.  Together they created a day of contradiction (which actually did feel very 'normal').  Maybe it is all because of this frigid, dismal weather, or maybe it is just a phase that I am growing through.  It may be a particular lesson for me at this particular time.  Maybe something else that I haven't as yet discovered.  It is probably some of each.  But it isn't anything worse that what I and all of 'yall' (Elder Porter speak) have to deal with. So I cannot and will not let it stop me.  (I coined a new (to me) phrase this morning.)

I will just 'forge forward'.  (Acknowledging the 'furnace of life' and the will to continue.)  I will just 'forge forward'.