Let's see. I didn't go anywhere today.  I did walk outside to get the newspaper this morning, and to get the mail this afternoon.  Also, I did go out in the back yard and washed out the skimmer.  I can't remember  leaving the house for anything else.  No wonder I got a little bored about my day.  I did actually do something, but I feel like I wasted too much time.  I'm thinking of my kids and my life and maybe it is just evening out because I know that there were many years of business so maybe I ought to enjoy a little less now.  But that is hard too.  I feel like I need to do more.  Some days I do, but some days I don't.  It isn't that I figure that I deserve a vacation or anything like that.  And it isn't that it is all up to me.  My life seems to have a life of it's own.  I am just a spectator hanging on for the ride with seemingly little actual control of the direction it takes.  I wonder if that is really true.  I know I make choices all the time, but how much do they matter?  This is a question that I will have to take on with some serious thinking and try to figure out a good answer that is actually useful to me.  Some things are set:  I need to sleep and I need to eat and I need to be active doing something.  But how much control do I really have?  Maybe those questions are just natural to mortality.  I heard someone talk about the 'veil' as us being 'dumb-downed' and that being necessary to our being here and tested.  Maybe being 'dumb-downed' brings some other stuff to us too and I'm just running into the questions that naturally arise from this mortal, dumb-downed state of our test.