It never seems to be enough.  I was able to sleep in this morning, but I would have liked more.  I do that all the time.  I get and have, but I want more.  I wish I was younger, lighter, smarter, stronger and better, but I have to settle for what is.  I usually do, but every once in a while I get in that kind of a mood that I want more.  I need to learn how to want what I have, rather then worrying about having what I want.  And so if I just change my attitude I see my day as a pretty good day.  It was nice to not have to get up at 6 or 7.  It was nice to sit for over an hour just talking with my best friend.  We also spent some time after church reading an article from the Ensign about marriage together.  So I have enjoyed today.

 But there are a few things that I would have changed along the way if I could.  I feel like I am in quorum meeting with a bunch of, how can I say this and be kind and still be truthful?  They are all good men, but most seem to sleep through the lesson.  I wish that I could sit through the time and not talk, but that is  not me.  I have learned over many, many years that that is not me.  I even try to read the lesson before and I just have to participate.  I wonder what is wrong with me.  I have been in this ward for 16 years and I know these guys pretty well.  And some of them just don't seem to take the gospel seriously.  It's like they are making fun of one of my children.  And it really bothers me.  Sometimes I'd just like to pack up and leave, but I know the silliness of that.  But why are they that way?  And why am I the way that I am?  Am I being too judgmental?  What should I do to deal with.  It gets real old to deal with the same juvenile behavior week after week.  Now I do know that most are wonderful, good and dedicated folks who, I believe, really love the gospel.  But the behavior often tells a contrary story.  I don't believe that I am supposed to change the way I try to live.  I've dealt with that for way too long to not feel that I have to be me.  Most of the things that they talk about I actually do, like journal writing, everyday (twice a day) scripture study, and everyday prayer ( and my 4 years plus of push ups) so I  think that I am genuine.  The gospel and my family is the most important thing for me.  So is it wrong for me to be just a little offended by that less then desirable behavior that I see week after week.  Just what am I do do?