Weddings, funerals, reunions and apparently 70th birthday parties are pretty much the same in effect when you have an opportunity to see people from you former life.  Our past has a way of thrilling and haunting us at the same time.  These folks who were our good friends were at the same time the cause of some of our greatest frustrations.  I did have a great opportunity tonight to visit that place of opposites.  We had received an invitation to John Winder's 70th birthday party for tonight.  I was excited to go because I did expect to see people for our old ward and from my former life.  I didn't think much about the negative part of that situation, but after awhile I did notice it.  I see it in a much less threatening way now then I have in times past, but it is still real and gives pause for some serious pondering.  On the surface it was all pleasantness and only in the deep part of my mind do the negative thoughts exist.  But they are part of me and have to be dealt with although I don't believe that they will ever be forgotten, overcome maybe, but not forgotten.  They are too much a part of who I am, or was, to be forgotten.  Anyway, there were, of course John & Lora, Clyde and Kathy, Kim and Ed, and at the very last moment Dennis & Jan (that's the way that it has always been!)  The Davis', the Bouck's the Ambrose's, the Cutler's, the Kraft's, good old Sandra Burke, some who's names I did not remember and some I didn't recognize.  We were there long enough and met enough folks from our past to keep me sorting memories for some time to come.  I still do remember some of the negative feeling I have in my 'deep inside feeling place', but the overwhelming feeling is one of warmth and yes, even love.  It will keep me sifting and sorting deeply held feeling for a long time.